Be Still and Know I'm here
by ncistennis
Summary: What happens if things didn't go as planned when Eddie's dad was beat up in prison, what happens if someone then tries to finish the job in the hospital and another Reagan is caught in the cross-fire. Based on Absolute Power
1. Chapter 1

My take on Absolute Power if things had gone differently.

"You mean my Mets tickets Janko" Jamie said

"What no! I called" Eddie said

"Yea but you didn't know the answer" Jamie said

"Fine, I'll give you one" Eddie said

"What if I want both?" Jamie asked

"Yea? You would have taken me anyway" Eddie said

"I have another friends, I just happen to see you the most. Sean's birthday is coming up, maybe I was going to take him" Jamie said

"He won't buy you a beer though"

"So then drinks on you?" Jamie asked

"No drink, singular, as in one drink" Eddie said

"I guess I can live with that" Jamie said laughing

"Good cause it's all you're getting" Eddie said

"Alright, now we gotta go back to work. Hospital called, prisoner was asking for you"

"It was probably the guy we collared last week, the one that proposed to me"

"Ugh that was disgusting" Jamie said as started driving

"I can't help that I'm irresistible" Eddie said

"To crazy people!" Jamie said shooting her a look

"The heart wants what the heart wants Reagan. I'll even let you be my maid of honor" Eddie said laughing

"Just what I want to do. I gotta fluff your bullet proof vest? Cause if your marrying a crazy person you're gonna need it" Jamie said as they pulled up to the hospital.

"Exactly you just have to make sure I look perfect" Eddie said laughing as she got out of the car

"Here we go" Jamie said as they walked into St. Vics

They were directed up to the ICU and when they were there they ran into Linda.

"Jamie thank God you guys are here. He's in pretty bad shape. Head trauma and broken ribs, collapsed lung"

"Who?" Jamie asked

"They didn't tell you?" Linda asked as they approached two officers

"Sarge just said a prisoner was asking for Eddie"

"Oh my God" Eddie said as they walked up to the door

"It's my dad" Eddie said as she turned to face Jamie

Her dad was still out of it so they started to question the corrections officer that was outside his room.

"I told you it happened in the laundry room" The officer said

"Who caused the injuries?" Jamie asked

"We don't know yet"

Eddie just looked at Jamie that she didn't believe what this guy was saying.

"Well you know who was in the area at the time, don't you?" Eddie said

"They will be an investigation"

"Aren't there security cameras in the laundry room?" Eddie asked, getting annoyed

"This isn't exactly your jurisdiction" He said

"That's my father lying in that bed, that makes my jurisdiction" Eddie said more forcefully

"That fraud? He swindled millions of dollars out of people. Your father's a crook" He said

"What did you call him you son of a bitch?" Eddie yelled as she lunged for him

Jamie instantly stepped in between them to cut Eddie off.

"Come on Eddie, take a break, take a break" Jamie said hooking his arms around her to push her further down the hallway

"Losing it with him isn't gonna help" Jamie said

"Jamie he has intracranial bleeding and broken ribs, and a punctured lung. And this guy is telling me it's not my jurisdiction" Eddie said, her voice wavering.

"Ok, but it's not" Jamie said sympathetically

"So we're not going to look into it?" Eddie asked

"If we do we would piss off a whole lot of people" Jamie said

"But I'm in if your are" Jamie said meeting her eyes

"Thank you" Eddie sad composing herself

"Why don't we go sit, Linda said she'd come get us when we could see him" Jamie said gently

"Fine" Eddie said

"Eddie you can talk to me you know. You're not alone here" Jamie said

"I can't, not right now" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said nodding

"Eddie, you can go see him now" Linda said walking over

"Thanks Linda"

"I'll make sure he's taken of Eddie, I promise" Linda said putting a hand on her arm

"Thank you" Eddie said

"You ready?" Jamie asked

"Probably not" Eddie said

"Do I need to hold your gun?" Jamie asked with a smile, remembering what she had said to him when he went with her to see him.

"No I think we're past that" Eddie said

"Good, you want me to wait out here?"

"No, can you come with me?" Eddie asked

"I can do that" Jamie said nodding

"Hey dad" Eddie said as they walked into Armin Janko's room

"This is Officer Jamie Reagan, my partner"

"Hi Mr. Janko" Jamie said going over to shake his hand

"I hear you take good care of my little girl" Armin said

"I do my best" Jamie said

"She's lucky to have you as her partner from what I hear" Armin said

"She's a pretty solid partner and friend" Jamie said looking over at Eddie.

"So dad what can you tell us about the guys that attacked you?" Eddie asked

"Not much they attacked me from behind"

"How many of them were there?" Jamie asked

"I don't know. You look so important. The uniform" Armin said to Eddie

Jamie instant looked at Eddie and saw her tense up before she answered.

"You must have some idea who did this to you" Eddie said

"I don't remember. Edit Marie I'm so proud of you"

"Where were the corrections officers?" Eddie asked

"They, they got there to break it up but not in time" Armin said

The nurse then came in and kicked them out and Eddie and Jamie walked out.

"Somethings not right, stories aren't adding up" Jamie said

"What are you saying?" Eddie asked

"I'm saying things aren't adding up and someone's hiding something" Jamie said

"Great" Eddie said sarcastically

"Why don't we head back to the house and do some digging" Jamie said

"You sure?" Eddie asked

"Yea I haven't pissed anyone off this week" Jamie said with a smirk

"Thank you" Eddie said as they walked back to their patrol car.

"Eddie I can look into this if you want me to" Jamie said gently

"No one's protected me from my father's shit for years Jamie, I'm not about to let it happen now" Eddie said

"I just thought maybe it would easier on you"

"It won't" Eddie said

He knew to expect Eddie to fly off the handle, while her relationship with her father has improved, by no means were they having weekly dinners together.

"Come on it's end of tour why don't we change and start digging" Jamie said as they walked back into the precinct

Jamie changed first and went to his desk to call the warden.

"Sure, yea, great thanks" Jamie said sarcastically hanging up his desk phone as Eddie walked in.

"Warden won't meet with us because it's not our jurisdiction"

"Great" Eddie said sarcastically

"Why don't get go back to your dad and talk to him?" Jamie asked

"Cause you don't know my father" Eddie said

"But I know his daughter and I think he would do it for her" Jamie said sitting on the edge of his desk

Eddie still had her back to Jaime. "I saw him lying in that bed, all beat up, and just for a second I forgot all the bad stuff and he was just my dad"

"Nothing wrong with that Eddie" Jamie said gently

"It took me a long time to recover" Eddie said turning back to face Jamie "I don't know what I would do if he let me down again"

"you must have some good memories"

"Yea, Jamie, they are all good, that's the problem. It was all just one giant lie" Eddie said sitting in the chair next to Jamie's desk

"Maybe we need to find someone that has been recently released that could shed some light" Jamie said

He picked up his phone and was about to call a friend in corrections when Eddie stopped him.

"Jamie? Why are you doing all of this?" Eddie asked

"Cause I don't want to let you down"

"Thanks" Eddie said quietly, knowing he was the least likely person to ever let her down

A little while later Jamie got off the phone and Eddie was still sitting in the chair next to his desk.

"Ok I got the info for his old cell mate, we can go talk to him tomorrow at work" Jamie said

"Huh? Oh ok thanks" Eddie said

"Janko?"

"Yea I'm good" Eddie said

"You wanna go get dinner and drinks or do you want to go see your dad?" Jamie asked

"I think I'm just gonna go home tonight"

"You don't have to keep this up with me" Jamie said

"I just need to be alone, ok" Eddie said

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow ok. We'll go talk to your dad's cell mate"

"Yea, perfect" Eddie said

"Eddie" Jamie said giving her a look

"Reagan I'm fine, ok? I'll see you tomorrow" Eddie said as they walked out of the precinct

"Eddie wait" Jamie said once they were outside

"What?" Eddie asked really hoping he wasn't gonna try and talk to her about this

"I know what you're going through, a parent in the hospital isn't easy" Jamie said gently putting a hand on her shoulder

"Yea and I'm guess you think I should be at the hospital with him instead of going home" Eddie said

"No, you need to do what you think it right. But there's a lot of emotions that come with it. My mom was in and out of the hospital at the end, my dad was shot when I was still partnered with Sarge. It's not easy to sit back and watch Eddie" Jamie said

"Yea but you had a better relationship with them. Jamie you see your dad more in a week usually than I do in a month" Eddie said

"Eddie I told you I'm not judging. I'll even go with you to see him if you want" Jamie said

"Jamie you can't force me to fix everything tonight ok, just drop it. I'll see you tomorrow" Eddie said

"Alright" Jamie said holding his hands up in defense

Eddie went right home but Jamie on the other hand went to one of their favorite bars for dinner and had to field all the questions on where his partner was, he thought it was annoying that they couldn't even spend a night apart without questions.

He was back home sitting on the sofa watching a game when he figured he should text Eddie to check up on her.

J: I lost at beer pong again

E: Shocker

J: I can take you being mad you know

E: Who said I was mad

J: No jokes about my pong skills, you didn't want food, you're not talking to me

E: Why do you feel the need to know everything about my life?

J: Eddie I'm just trying to be a good friend and a good partner

E: Well don't

E: I'll see you tomorrow

J: See you tomorrow partner

Jamie just tossed his phone to the other end of the couch and groaned, she really knew how to piss him off. He was just trying to help, he wasn't trying to fix or meddle, just be there for her. He didn't know how it was gonna play out and he didn't need her losing it on him when they were on duty.

Eddie also just tossed her phone, she didn't understand why Jamie was pushing her so hard on this, it wasn't like she wanted to sit vigil at her father's bed side and he would never understand that. She knew he was coming from a good place but right now it wasn't what she needed.

A little while later Jamie heard his phone ring and he dug around the couch to find it

E: I'm sorry

J: For what? Jamie sent with a smiley face

E: Don't make me say it, I'm not in a mood Reagan

J: Ok, ok. I'm not mad Eddie, I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me. I know what it's like to have a sick parent

E: I appreciate it, I really do. But neither of your parents were in a federal prison for a Ponzi scheme

Jamie finally gave up and just called her

"God you're such an old man" Eddie said answering

"Well hello to you to" Jamie said laughing

"I'm not up for talking"

"Texting is more effort"

"You know what I mean" Eddie said groaning

"Yea and that's why I called. Make sure you're ok" Jamie said

"None of this is ok" Eddie said

"You want me to come over?" Jamie asked

"No that would be ridiculous. It's late and I'm tired" Eddie said

"Ok, but the offer stands. I do think you should think about taking some time off" Jamie said

"Why don't we wait and see what his cell buddy says first" Eddie said

"Alright. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. Get some sleep Janko"

"Thanks Jamie" Eddie said sincerely

* * *

The next morning they went to the pizza place that Jeffery Stark worked at.

"Jeffery Stark?" Jamie asked

"What do you want? I haven't committed a crime" He said

"We just want to ask you some questions" Jamie said

"You're not in any trouble" Eddie said

"Yea then why are you here?" He asked

"The warden at Yorktown said you were cell mates with Armin Janko" Eddie said

"You know Armin?"

"He's my... father" Eddie said

"I thought you looked familiar. You never visited much"

"Yea and I had my reasons and they are none of your business"

"We're trying to help Armin, he was pretty badly beaten up in the laundry room" Jamie said running interference

"He's not giving up much info" Jamie added

"It's called survival"

"Warden can't get to you out here" Jamie said

"I kept my mouth shut and got out for good behavior. Now if you'll excuse me, my pizzas are getting a little cold"

"You're right ok, I wasn't the best at visiting and like I said, those are my reasons but no one deserves to get assaulted like he did"

"The only thing I can tell you is that the laundry room is the black market of the prison"

"How's that?" Jamie asked

"Get anything you want. Drugs, weapons"

"Great he's dealing drugs" Eddie said walking away

* * *

"Eddie slow down. Give him the benefit of the doubt" Jamie said as she was power walking through the hospital

"Since when do we give perps the benefit of the doubt?" Eddie seethed

"Ok slow down" Jamie said pulling on her arm

"Get off me Reagan" Eddie said shaking out of his grasp

"We do sometimes Eddie. So do you. What your dad did, yea not great. He sure did a number on you but why after all this time would he start dealing drugs. I don't know how you go from white collar crimes to drug dealing. I told you somethings not adding up" Jamie said

"Then write the ACLU Jamie cause I'm done with him" Eddie said

"If you can't give him the benefit of the doubt for him can you do it for yourself? You deserve to know the truth and if you go in there and ambush him, he's gonna close off"

"Whatever"

"Then do it for me? I wanna hear what he has to say" Jamie said gently

"Fine, I will hear him out" Eddie said walking ahead of Jamie again

When they reached the door to his wing Eddie stopped and just looked at Jamie. He nodded and kept some distance between them as they walked to his room

"You're dealing drugs in a city prison?" Eddie asked as she walked in.

Jamie had to admit, it was a lot calmer than he was expecting.

"What?" Armin asked sitting up

"Are you kidding me?" Eddie yelled

"Here we go" Jamie mumbled under his breath, that was the Eddie he knew and loved

Jamie wouldn't admit it to anymore, but he just wished he would protect her from this so she wouldn't get hurt again. He was the one that had pushed her to go see her dad and it seemed to be working for awhile but then this blew up and she didn't deserve this. She had been hurt enough and he just wanted to protect her and tell her everything would be alright.

"Is that what you think?" Armin asked shocked

"What am I supposed to think?!" Eddie yelled

Jamie stood at the doorway, mostly to make sure Eddie didn't totally lose it but he swore he saw steam come out of Eddie's ears.

"Dad will you just do me one favor, for once in your life be honest" Eddie said, she moved closer to the bed and wasn't yelling as loud as she had been.

"For once" She yelled again

Jamie stepped into the room, he had never seen Eddie this angry before.

"I've always been honest with you" Armin said trying to take her hand

"NO YOU HAVEN'T DAD" Eddie yelled louder than before

A nurse heard the commotion and was trying to come in but Jamie told her it was fine.

"You're whole life is a lie" Eddie said now gesturing all over the place

Jamie really thought she was seconds from going off in Serbian.

"You never game me a chance to explain" Armin said

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU EXPLAIN ANYTHING BECAUSE EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH IS LIE, EVERY SINGLE TIME. YOU LIE TO ME AGAIN, AND AGAIN AND AGAIN" Eddie said still yelling

Jamie moved a step closer, he heard Eddie's voice waver and he was ready to pull her out of the room if he needed to.

"I'M DONE WITH YOU" Eddie said

She turned to walk out of the room and Jamie caught that she was close to tears.

"Eddie" He said gently and she just put her hand up to push him away and walk out

Jamie looked back and saw the hurt in Armin's eyes and knew that there was more to this than he was letting on.

"You have a chance here, to fix things with Eddie and if I were you, I would. You did a number on her but I think if you tell the truth you can make it right with her. It's a chance I wouldn't pass up" Jamie said

"I can't fix what I did" Armin said looking down

"You can try and repair what you have by being honest" Jamie said walking closer to the bed

"So how did you really get those injuries?" Jamie asked looking directly at Armin

"I didn't get beat up for smuggling drugs inside. I got beat up for refusing to"

Jamie didn't say anything, he just nodded. He didn't think Eddie was going to believe him but he knew this was above their pay grade.

Jamie left Armin and went to find Eddie.

"Hey Eddie" Jamie said walking up to the cruiser

"Finally" Eddie said as Jamie unlocked it and she got in.

"Eddie"

"Save it Jamie. I really don't want to hear what ever crap is going to come out of your mouth" Eddie said

"I think you do" Jamie said

"Save it. I'm done. I was stupid for thinking that I wouldn't get hurt again" Eddie said

Jamie saw her wipe a quick tear away.

"You're not stupid Eddie"

"Reagan no matter what you say you can't fix this. You can't fix my shitty family situation no matter how much you might want to" Eddie said

"Janko will you just shut up and listen to me for two seconds" Jamie said

Eddie didn't say anything and just leaned back in her seat.

"This isn't a side of me people usually see Jamie and for good reason. You don't know what it's like to have a parent betray you, to lie to you, to hurt you, over and over and over again. My entire childhood is a lie, yea I could've had a worse situation, God knows we see kids that have it worse than I did but Jamie, please, I am begging you to just drop it. I can't try and pretend everything is ok, that I we can be one big happy family again. It took me three years just to go see my dad in prison, and now he's lying again. Jamie I can't. Please just back the hell off" Eddie said, wiping another tear away

"I'm sorry Eddie, I really am. But Eddie please listen to me and if you want to drop it I will" Jamie said

"You're gonna do whatever you want anyway" Eddie said looking away from him

"I talked to him Eddie. He has no reason to lie to me. He told me that he was beat up for not dealing drugs in the prison"

"Yea is that what he said?" Eddie asked sarcastically

"Eddie I believe him"

"You just believe him because you want to be right"

"No" Jamie said laughing

"I think after six years on the job I've gotten a pretty good sense when people are bullshitting me. And I honestly believe he was telling the truth. Eddie I have no reason to lie to you or to try and hurt you. I would tell you if I thought he was shoveling shit at us" Jamie said

"You would?" Eddie asked finally meeting his eyes

"Yea Eddie, I promise. I don't want to see you get hurt anymore than you already have been" Jamie said gently

"Now what do we do?" Eddie asked

"Go sweet talk a certain ADA that I like to call sis" Jamie said

"Great so more people can know my father's a criminal" Eddie said

"Erin's not gonna judge you. Erin likes you" Jamie said

"Fine" Eddie said

"I can take this to her myself if you wanna sit it out" Jamie said

"No, uh-uh, you're making me do this, I'm not getting benched" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said nodding

* * *

"Hey sis thanks for meeting us" Jamie said as they walked into Erin's office

"You usually don't give me any choice when you do this. Hey Eddie" Erin said kindly

"So what case are you trying to sweet talk me for now?" Erin asked

"You didn't tell her?" Eddie asked

"No, I've been talking you off a ledge all day" Jamie said

"You two wanna fill me in?"

"My dad, he's in prison" Eddie said before stopping and looking at Jamie

Jamie just nodded and continued for her "We got a call the other day on patrol that an inmate was asking for Eddie and it turned out to be her dad. He wasn't saying who did it and then he told me that he got beat up for not wanting to sell drugs inside the laundry room prison. We talked to his former cell mate who said that the laundry room is the prison black market" Jamie said

"I don't know if he's telling the truth" Eddie said sarcastically

Erin just looked at Jamie and he just shook hid head letting her know that he would fill her in later.

"None of the corrections officers had their story straight, DOC is giving us the run around. Something's not adding up" Jamie said

"Well it wouldn't be the first time corrections officers were on the take" Erin said

"So what happens when it comes out that he was dealing and this is all just a lie?" Eddie asked

"Janko you wanna go wait outside?" Jamie asked getting frustrated

"No I want you to stop trying to fix my family Jamie. I get it, you can call up your sister and she'll help you out. Jamie not everyone likes their family, just get over it" Eddie said walking out of Erin's office and sitting on a chair outside the door

"Is your partner ok" Erin asked concerned for Eddie

"It's Eddie, she flies off the handle. Nothing I can't handle. I just have never seen her this angry" Jamie said

"She seems pretty hurt"

"I thought I was gonna have to pull her out of his hospital room before she really caused a scene"

"What's your gut telling you?" Erin asked

"That he's telling the truth about this" Jamie said

"I'm sorry" Eddie said walking back in and sitting at the table with Erin and Jamie.

"That's ok. Danny storms out yelling at me on a weekly basis" Erin said laughing

Eddie relaxed a little and started to answer some more of Erin's questions.

"I'll talk to my investigator Alex McBride and we'll go from there Eddie"

"Thank you Erin. And I'm sorry about earlier" Eddie said

"Oh please, that was tame compared to family dinner or a teenage daughter" Erin said putting a hand on Eddie's arm

"Thanks sis. Come on shorty" Jamie said getting up

* * *

A little while later Jamie had gone out with another partner for a collar and when he came back Eddie was sitting at her desk with her head in her hands.

"Janko what's wrong?" Jamie asked sitting on the edge of her desk

"Erin called me" Eddie said still not meeting his eyes

He checked his phone again and didn't have anything from her.

"He was telling the truth Jamie" Eddie said and Jamie could hear the emotion in her voice

"That's a good thing"

"Yea after I stood there and yelled at him. God what kind of person am I?"

"Maybe you needed to get it off your chest" Jamie said

"Or maybe I'm the world's biggest bitch" Eddie said

"Eh. Not the world's biggest" Jamie said smirking

Eddie didn't even crack a smile.

"Damn Janko, tough crowd" Jamie said

"How do I go back in there after yelling at him?"

"I talked to him Eddie, he really does care about you" Jamie said

"I can't go back"

"Maybe you need to hear him out? Let's go now. We get paid for it and it's air conditioned" Jamie said

"Fine" Eddie said getting up from her desk.

"That's the spirit" Jamie said smiling

"Reagan you really are making me want to punch you right now"

"You really shouldn't assault your partner Eddie"

"You wanna try me?" Eddie asked as they walked out of the precinct

"No, I fully believe you" Jamie said getting in their RMP

* * *

Jamie and Eddie were standing outside of Armin's room when the ADA on the case walked out.

"He cooperated fully and his testimony was corroborated by the other inmates"

"He has no direct connection to the drug trafficking?" Jamie asked to just give Eddie piece of mind

"To the contrary, he's our whistle blower. He's the only one willing to testify against the prison guards and the warden"

Eddie just looked at Jamie shocked.

Eddie then looked away and Jamie just looked at her to make sure she was ok.

"I know this might be an odd thing to say, given your father's situation. But you should be proud of him"

Eddie didn't say anything but she wouldn't look at Jamie.

Eddie walked in and Jamie just waited at the door and put his head against the wall.

"Hi" Eddie said walking over to him.

Armin wasn't ready to be released yet but was sitting up on the side of the bed to go to physical therapy.

"Hey"

"So it looks like they are going to transfer you to federal prison and they might be able to reduce your sentence because of your testimony"

"Terrific" Armin said smiling

"I'm sorry dad, for what I said. I, I just, I really thought"

"You thought I as a crook"

"It's because you're right I am" Armin said

"You want to know why I stole the money?"

"Ok" Eddie said nervously

"I thought being a good father meant making sure that you didn't want for anything, even if that meant doing illegal things. I wanted to make sure that you didn't grow up like me. with nothing"

"Wait, you're not just giving me another excuse, another lie?" Lie asked much softer this time

"No, I'm giving you a real reason" Armin said

"Screwed up as it is" Armin said and Eddie just nodded

"My ride's here" Armin said standing up as Jamie walked into the room.

"So listen, I would like for you to keep an eye on her for me" Armin said to Jamie

"Will do" Jamie said sincerely

Eddie stood there and then went and threw her arms around her dad, feeling the anger and the hurt go away.

"Oh" Armin said hugging her back

"Dad" Eddie said quietly

Jamie felt himself get a little choked up at Eddie finally getting some closure.

"I'll come back tonight when I'm off duty, ok?" Eddie asked

"I would like that" Armin said

"Bye dad" Eddie said wiping her eyes as she walked out of the room with Jamie right behind her

As they were walking down the hall Jaime out his arm around her shoulders.

"Jamie, please, I'm trying to get out of here without crying. Just give me some time"

"Ok" Jamie said taking his arm off and falling a few steps behind her.

Once they got back to the car Jamie unlocked it and they got in.

"I don't want to talk about this yet, I'm not ready to talk about this yet. But thank you" Eddie said

"Any time partner" Jamie said with a smile and they drove back to the precinct in silence.

"Janko, my office" Renzulli said as they got back to the precinct

"Sarge" Eddie said

"Why don't you take tomorrow off and spend it with your dad"

"I'm ok"

"It's an order Janko"

"Yes boss. Thank you"

"Are you ok?"

"Yea I think so. I'm glad I finally got the truth" Eddie said

She knew Renzulli knew about her father and he had never held it against her.

"If you need anything just let us know ok Janko"

"Thanks Sarge" Eddie said walking out of his office

"What was that about? He giving you a rip for yelling at your partner?" Jamie asked smirking

"Oh you wish" Eddie said

"No he gave me off tomorrow to spend with my dad"

"That's good Eddie, I think you could use the time with him"

"Jamie it's not going to be fixed over night"

"No but when was the last time you hugged him?" Jamie asked

"A while ok" Eddie said

"Alright, if you need anything let me know, ok. Anytime Eddie it doesn't matter, you need me I'm there. I told you I don't want to let you down"

* * *

A few days later Eddie and Jamie were back on patrol.

"Hey partner" Jamie said as he walked in and saw Eddie

"Hey thanks for dropping dinner off last night" Eddie said

"No problem. How was your dad this morning?" Jamie asked

"Better, they think he can be released tomorrow or the next day"

"Well that's good" Jamie said

"Janko" Renzulli said popping his head out of his office

"What ever Reagan told you I'm fine Sarge" Eddie said

"It's about your dad"

"What happened I left him two hours ago"

"He keeps asking for you, they think maybe one of the medications has made him anxious"

"Should I go?"

"Yea I'm sending you down to the hospital. Reagan'll be fine without you for another day"

"Thanks Sarge" Eddie said

"Jamie" Eddie said knocking on the men's locker room door

"Hey Eddie what's up?" Jamie asked looking at her he knew something was off

"Hospital called, my dad keeps asking for me, they said he's really agitated and anxious. I'm going down for the day" Eddie said

"Ok, keep me updated ok"

"Thanks Jamie"

* * *

"Hey dad, what's wrong?" Eddie asked rushing into his room

"I'm fine. I told them to let you work. That you do important work"

"There's 35,000 of us, someone can cover for me if you need me" Eddie said looking at his monitors

"Still"

"Still nothing, tell me what's wrong" Eddie said

"I think one of the nurses was trying to kill me this morning"

"What do you mean?" Eddie asked

"They didn't know how to work the IV and didn't know what they were putting in it"

"Ok, Jamie's sister-in-law works here I'll see if she knows what's going on. I'm gonna call Jamie" Eddie said stepping out of his room

"Hey Janko is your dad ok?" Jamie asked as he answered

"He thinks a nurse is trying to kill him. I hate to ask but can you ask Linda to come up at some point, I just want to run the discerption by her. See if they are just knew or someone's actually trying to kill him" Eddie said

"Yea of course, the guards still there?" Jamie asked

"Yea, you don't actually think they would try to kill him for testifying do you? Like maybe one was in on it?"

"What's your gut telling you?" Jamie asked

"I don't know anymore. Leaning towards maybe trying to shut him up or make him look crazy"

"Be careful then ok?" Jamie said

"Yea of course"

"And I'll tell Linda to stop up"

"Thank you Jamie, I appreciate it" Eddie said

Eddie walked back into her dad's room.

"Ok so Linda will be up soon, ok"

"You think you can get some better food that the crap they have been feeding me?" Armin asked

"Sure" Eddie said laughing

"Hey Eddie, Mr. Janko" Linda said walking in

"Hey Linda, that was fast thank you" Eddie said

"Jamie told me to get my butt up here so I did" Linda said laughing

"He worries too much" Eddie said

"Of course he does. So Mr. Janko do you know about what time this was?" Linda asked looking at his chart

"It was shortly after Edit left for work, I would say maybe around 8am this morning" Armin said

"Ok I'm gonna check with the doctor, there's no order here after midnight for any drugs, you got some pain pills around midnight?" Linda asked

"Yea he was having a hard time getting comfortable" Eddie said

"Ok, and you're sure you weren't dreaming or anything Mr. Janko"

"No I wouldn't make this up"

"Ok just checking" Linda said

"Eddie have you eaten yet?"

"What?" Eddie asked laughing

"Jamie said to asked you if you have eaten yet and if not to send you to get food" Linda said

"He's a helicopter partner" Eddie said

"There's a good coffee/breakfast sandwich two doors down from the hospital. I'll stay with your dad while you go"

"Alright, since I get busted if I don't. Would you like anything?" Eddie asked

"No I'm fine thank you" Linda said

"Thank you for staying with him while I go"

"It's no trouble Eddie. Danny and Jamie's partners are always family, it's not anything I wouldn't do for any of them"

"Dad I'll bring you back some eggs or something and a coffee"

"Thank you Edit"

"I love you dad" Eddie said hugging her dad

"I love you too Edit" Armin said hugging her back

"Thank you" Eddie said walking out of the room

Eddie wasn't gone long when another nurse walked in and asked who Linda was, she looked out and saw that the guards were gone and before she could answer and yell for help she was hit over the head and immediately dropped to the ground.

Eddie realized that she had forgotten her debit card in her purse and that she had taken it out of her wallet that she had shoved into her jacket pocket. She walked back to Amrin's room and when she got there she hadn't remembered closing the curtain but didn't think too much of it since Linda said she was going to get the doctor to come in.

Her hand went to her off duty weapon as soon as she saw a big man in the room she didn't recognize as one of her father's nurses. She then saw Linda's sneakers sticking out on the floor and immedialy yelled Police.

"Get your hands off him" Eddie yelled fun pointed at him.

She could see that her father's monitors were going off and his eyes were closed and there was blood coming out of his head and ear.

"NYPD drop the knife now!" Eddie yelled

"I need some help in here" Eddie said

The guy then turned and jutted the knife out at her and fired one shot and got him on the ground and pulled her cuffs out of her jacket pocket and cuffed him to the bed.

People were starting to flood in and as she was yelling Linda and her father's name.

"What happened?" One of the nurses she recognized asked as she ran in

"Linda was on the ground unconscious when I walked it, he had a knife to my father and then lunged at me with it and I fired" Eddie said

"Linda, oh God, Linda wake up" Eddie yelled

More doctors and nurses rushed in as Armin started seizing under Eddie's hands that were applying pressure to his knife wound.

They rushed the fake nurse, Armin and Linda out of the room and Eddie was left standing there with blood all around her.

* * *

I hope you all liked it! Don't forget to review!


	2. Chapter 2

"Regetti where's Reagan?" Renzulli asked Jamie's partner for the day

"We finished the booking sheet then I think he went to the bathroom. What's wrong Sarge?" Regertti asked, trying to read his boss.

"Reagan is needed else where today, don't worry about it" Renzulli said walking over to the locker room

"Reagan you in here?" Tony asked walking in

"Sarge I can go the bathroom myself. I've been doing it quite well for several years. I'm potty trained and everything" Jamie said laughing as he washed his hands

"Funny Harvard" Renzulli said trying to humor his old boot

"Sarge what's up?" Jamie asked taking the paper towel from Tony

"Sarge?" Jamie asked again

"You have to get down to St. Vics, there was an incident"

"What kind of incident? You tell Regetti yet?"

"He's not going, just you" Tony said

"Who died?" Jamie asked knowing something was wrong

"No one"

"Sarge come on, I'm a Reagan what's wrong" Jamie said

"Armin Janko was attacked in his hospital room and Linda was also knocked unconscious" Tony said gently

"Eddie?" Jamie asked

Renzulli just smirked, of course he would ask about his partner. Tony still swore there was feelings between them even if they haven't acted on them yet.

"She's physically fine. She called me, said she went to get them food per your orders but she forgot her debit card in her purse, came back saw Linda unconscious on the floor and her father was stabbed, she drew on the perp and he lunged at her with a knife and she shot him"

"Damn" Jamie said composing himself

"How's Linda? Does Danny know?" Jamie asked

"Linda had regained consciousness, and I know Danny is already on the way there"

"Armin?" Jamie asked

"He's still in surgery. Janko said not to tell you but I don't think she should be waiting there alone"

"Sarge, can I go?" Jamie asked

"Yes, I already told Regetti he was on his own for today. I think she could use a friend Reagan"

"Of course. I know they started making small steps to healing their relationship, I can't imagine how she's handling this"

"Just be a good friend Reagan, nothing more. Also do you have an extra shirt? I'm guessing she's covered in her father's blood. She said after she shot the perp she held his wound until the doctors came in"

"Yea I should. I'll go now" Jamie said

"Good. And Reagan"

"Yea Sarge"

"It all better be platonic, Janko doesn't need anything else hurting her right now"

"Copy that" Jamie said rolling his eyes "I know what it's like to have a parent in the hospital"

"I know. Go take care of your partner"

"Thanks Sarge" Jamie said opening his locker.

He didn't bother to change out of his uniform, he figured it would be better since it was a crime scene and he just wanted to get to Eddie as fast as he could. He grabbed his duffle, and the extra t-shirt he always kept in his locker and headed out.

* * *

"Hey Eddie" Danny said gently sitting next to her on the hard plastic hospital chairs

"Detective Reagan. I'm sorry" Eddie said quietly

Danny could see that Eddie was shaken up and feeling guilty so he figured that he needed to practice his bed side manner as his own partner, Baez would tell him.

"Danny please, Eddie it's not your fault" Danny said putting a hand on her shoulder

"She said she would stay with him while I went to get food and then she was unconscious" Eddie said

She felt like she did the first time she killed someone, she needed to cry but she couldn't, the tears wouldn't come.

"Linda's awake and talking. She sent me to find you. Does the kid know yet? I'm sure he'd want to be here with you" Danny said smirking

"No he's on duty, I did call and tell Sargent Renzulli before it got out to everyone" Eddie said

"Let me go call the kid ok? Sit tight" Danny said

Danny got up and walked to the corner of the waiting room Eddie was sitting in.

"Hey Jamie"

"Danny look I don't have time to talk, I'm driving over to the hospital to be with Eddie"

"I know that's why I was calling. She said she didn't want to call since you were on duty"

"Yea Sarge told me and sent me over. How's Linda?" Jamie asked

"She's fine, not even a concussion. She sent me out to talk to Eddie. She's really shaken up kid. She's still got his blood on her hands, she's pretty out of it" Danny said

"Oh good, I'm glad Linda's ok. Sarge didn't have any updates for me when he told me. I should be there in less than 10. How's her dad? Can you stay with her till I get there if Linda doesn't mind?"

"No update on her dad yet, yea Linda sent me out to stay until someone comes to sit with her. She said she seemed pretty drained when she was talking to her before everything happened"

"Ok I'll keep an eye on her" Jamie said

"Let me get back to Eddie, I just wanted to make sure you knew"

"Yea thanks Danny" Jamie said hanging up

"So Eddie, Jamie's on his way" Danny said sitting back next to her

"I told you he was on duty. You shouldn't have pulled him off" Eddie said

"He was already on his way, Renzulli had already sent him over" Danny said

"Oh. Sorry" Eddie said

"No need to apologize Janko. Why don't you go clean up" Danny said

"I can't, I'm still waiting for an update on my father"

"I can wait here for it" Danny said

"NO" Eddie said. She wasn't able to move, she tired and hungry and covered in her fathers blood and she really just wanted her best friend.

"Ok, then we sit here and wait" Danny said squeezing her shoulder

"You can go back to Linda you know. I'm fine" Eddie said

"Really? That's why you won't go clean up because you're terrified of leaving this spot thinking the worst" Danny said smirking

Eddie didn't say anything and just looked at Danny. Danny recognized that look, it was one that Jamie gave him when he was being an ass but trying to protect him.

"They don't call me detective for nothing" Danny said

"Detective pain in my ass" Eddie mumbled

"God you and the kid could be the same person" Danny said laughing

"You know I have to keep up appearances for the family. If Jamie thinks I'm going soft I'll lose all cred with him" Danny said

"Armin Janko" A nurse walked in

"Yes, I'm his daughter" Eddie said standing up

"He's still in surgery, there was a complication, the general surgeon and the neurosurgeon are still working on him"

Eddie tried to open her mouth to speak but she couldn't.

"What kind of complications?" Danny asked putting a hand on her shoulder

"Sir are you family?" The nurse asked

"No, Eddie is like family though"

"It's ok, he's a friend" Eddie said finally finding her words

"They believe that his brain injury has caused him to have a stroke and they had to defribulate once but they are still confident he will pull through"

Danny was watching Eddie closely and she looked like she was going to pass out. He grabbed her under the arms and sat her down in the chair.

"Janko?" Danny asked as he sat her down

"So what does all of that mean?" Eddie asked, her voice shaking

"It means he if and when he wakes up, there could be deficits" The nurse said

"When will he be out of surgery?" Danny asked

"Should be less than two hours"

"Ok thank you" Danny said

"Eddie?" Danny asked sitting down

"I'm good" Eddie said

Danny didn't say anything he just smirked

"Uh-uh, now I know how you get along so good with Jamie. He's always fine when he shouldn't be too" Danny said

"Speaking of which, I thought he would be here by now"

"I told you he was on duty, it's fine"

"Do you want me to take him again?" Danny asked

"No, I've been dealing with shit from my dad for years on my own. Maybe I'll just try and rest my eyes"

"You want me to get you anything. I know you haven't eaten yet?"

"Danny stop please. I know Jamie worries too much and apparently Linda does too"

"Alright well I'll just sit here a little longer until the kid gets here"

Eddie didn't say anything but mumbled something half asleep. A few minuets later Danny's phone rang.

"Jamie did you get lost?" Danny asked

"No there was a water main break and the streets were shut down and traffic was a mess. I pulling into the parking garage now. How's Eddie?"

"I don't know kid. I don't think good" Danny said before Jamie interrupted him

"Where are you Danny? Why are you whispering? Where's Eddie?" Jamie said cutting him off.

"She's asleep next me. A nurse came out from her dad's surgery, there was complications. I haven't left her side, I know your and Linda would kill me" Danny said

"Alright thanks Dan, I'm parking now" Jamie said

"Don't forget to bring in an extra shirt. She wouldn't go get cleaned up while he's in surgery"

"Yea I got it" Jaimie said "I'm walking in"

"Alright, were on the 4th floor in the waiting room" Danny said

"Hey Danny" Jaime said jogging up to him and Eddie

"Hey Kid" Danny said, he rolled Eddie's head to her other shoulder and got up

"Linda's still good?" Jamie asked

"Yea, one of her friends is with her.

"How's that one?" Jamie asked pointing to Eddie

"I think she needs her best friend" Danny said putting a hand on Jamie's shoulder.

"Kid just be careful, I know you two are more than just partners"

"Seriously Danny, her dads in the hospital, she doesn't have a family like us and you're busting my chops?"

"I'm trying to make sure you don't hurt her. She's clearly going through a lot and you tend to get a hero complex when it comes to pretty girls" Danny said

"Well thanks big bro for all the great advice. But I think I can take care of my partner" Jamie said sarcastically

"Just think about what I said. I'm not as dumb as I look" Danny said smirking

"You're right, you do look dumber" Jamie said laughing

"Funny, If you need anything just call"

"Thanks Danny"

Jamie sat down next to Eddie, he brought her a sandwich and a coffee and knew she never got her food.

"Hey Eddie" Jamie said gently shaking her shoulder

Eddie didn't wake up, Jamie looked her over and realized how exhausted she looked, he could still see the blood stains on her hands and her shirt. As he was shaking her shoulder, Eddie shifted in her chair and put her head on his shoulder. He just looked down at her and smiled as she tried to get comfortable.

"Janko I have food for you" Jamie said again

"I'm gonna eat it all if you don't wake up" Jamie said shaking her shoulder again

He felt her hand go over her face and keep lazily pushing her hand into his face.

"What are you doing?" Jamie asked laughing

"I'm trying to sleep Reagan, go away" Eddie said

"I brought you food and a clean shirt" Jamie said trying to prop her up.

"You do the paperwork" Eddie said

"Eddie were not at the precinct" Jamie said realizing she wasn't actually awake

Before Jamie could say anything else, Eddie started moving around in the chair and had a pained look on her face.

"Eddie come on, you gotta wake up" Jamie said shaking her shoulder again

Eddie's eyes popped open and she looked around confused.

"What?" Eddie asked

Before she could full on freak out Jamie started talking to her.

"Eddie were at the hospital. You're ok" Jamie said trying to put an arm around her but she shook it off

"Jamie?"

"Yea I'm here. Calm down, it's ok" Jamie said gently

"Danny?" Eddie asked looking around

"I sent him back to Linda" Jamie said

"He wouldn't leave. He's also a pain in the ass" Eddie said

"Yea he is" Jamie said smiling

"My dad?" Eddie asked everything coming back to her

"Still in surgery, no new update since the one that you got with Danny"

"Ok" Eddie said nodding and coming too

"Do you want some food now?" Jamie asked her

"I'm not really hungry" Eddie said

"Well that's a first" Jamie said

"Yea well I've had a long day" Eddie said

"Its 11:30 in the morning"

"Whatever" Eddie said eyeing the coffee on the table in front of them

"One on the right is yours, it's the caramel mocha crap you like" Jamie said

"Sorry I don't love boring coffee like you"

"I added milk and sugar" Jamie said

"Living on the edge" Eddie said grabbing her cup

"Thank you, it's good" Eddie said sipping from her cup

"Take a few bites? I don't need you yelling at me in an hour that your starving, or why don't you go get cleaned up. I brought you a shirt" Jamie said

"I can't go until they come out and update me" Eddie said worriedly

"You can't sit with his blood on you. That's weird" Jamie said

"I can't go" Eddie said

"I'll stay, you go clean up" Jamie said

"I can't" Eddie said getting worked up

"Danny said they had about another hour if not more" Jamie said

"Come on Ed, go get cleaned up. It will make you feel better" Jamie said

"I don't think I can do that" Eddie said shaking her head

"Eddie you blood on your face, shirt, your hands are stained" Jamie said before be spotted the bandage on her arm.

"What happened? Sarge said you didn't get hurt" Jamie asked concerned, but calm.

"I caught the edge of the knife before I shot him. It's fine" Eddie said

"Come on, go get cleaned up" Jamie said handing her the small duffle he had with him.

"Eddie I don't care you're covered in blood, but I think it's freaking over people out" Jamie said

"Alright" Eddie said quietly

As she stood up, she wobbled on her feet and Jamie was quick to steady her.

"You're not passing out on my watch Janko. What will Sarge say?" Jamie said

"Um, can you come with me?" Eddie asked downing the rest of her coffee

"Of course" Jamie said finishing his coffee

Jamie threw out their coffees and put the food in the duffle Eddie was holding and led her by the arm to the nurses station.

"Hey Linda what are you doing?" Jamie asked noticing Linda was back

"I had to finish some paperwork. Eddie how are you?" Linda asked

"I'm so sorry" Eddie said feeling like she was about to cry

"Oh don't worry about it. Not even a concussion" Linda said

"Is there somewhere she can go to get changed?" Jamie asked

"Yea, you can use the nurses locker room, I'll walk you over. I have to get my stuff anyway"

"Thank you" Eddie said shakily

As they were walking Linda quietly whispered to Jamie "She doesn't look so good"

"I know, I gave her some coffee but I can't get her to eat. Just getting her to change was hard enough. If they come out with an update while she's changing she's gonna shoot me" Jamie said

"Make sure she Jamie" Linda said opening her locker. She texted her combo to Jamie in case Eddie needed anything out of it.

"Thanks Linda, for everything. I'm glad your ok"

"It was no trouble, I even get an extra day off" She said smiling

"Thank you" Eddie said

Linda had met Eddie several times, knew she had worked undercover with Danny before and even met her in the ER a few times but she had never seen this side of Eddie and worried about the younger woman.

"Anytime Eddie. If anyone gives you a hard time about anything tell them to call me" Linda said hugging her

Eddie didn't say anything she just nodded and went out to meet Danny.

Eddie walked over to the mirror to wash her face and looked up at herself for the first time.

"Oh God" Eddie said seeing the stained remains of her father's blood.

Jamie walked up and saw her standing there with shaky hands.

"Eddie?" Jamie said gently behind her.

"I can't, he can't" Eddie said as she started to cry

Jamie pulled her into a hug which she had initially tried to fight and she turned her head away from him resting her cheek on his chest so he couldn't see her cry, but she did then wrap her hands around Jamie's waist.

"It's ok Eddie, let it out. I got you" Jamie said into her hair

Eddie was still crying to Jamie's shoulder and he tried to walk her over to the bench so she could sit down, but she wouldn't budge.

"I can't do this Jamie ... he can't die. Everything I've said to him, how I ignored him for three years" Eddie said in between her sobs

"Have you slept at all since he's been in the hospital?" Jamie asked

"Not much" Eddie said still crying

"I can't do this, there's no one else here for him" Eddie said

"I'm here, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, partner" Jamie said hugging her tighter

"I held it together until now. I know I told you not to come, but I ... I needed you" Eddie said

"That's why I'm here" Jamie said tilting her head up to look at him.

Jamie looked into her eyes, he just wanted to make all this go away for her. He knew Danny was right, he did have a hero complex, and he wasn't about to let that hurt Eddie.

"I'm sorry, I'm done crying" Eddie said wiping her eyes.

"No you're not" Jamie said giving her a smirk

"Can I have that shirt now?" Eddie asked grabbing the travel facewash from her purse and going over to the sink.

Jamie got out his extra shirt and watched as she washed her face.

"Dammit, it's not coming off" Eddie yelled

"Want some help?" Jamie asked grabbing a clean paper towel

"I just want it off" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said calmly as he wiped the towel across her face.

"I think it's all off" Jamie said

"Thank you" Eddie said shakily

She scrubbed her hands a few times to get the stain out and once she finally felt clean she walked back over to her stuff.

"Here is the evidence bag for your shirt and jacket. I'll go outside so you can change" Jamie said

"Thank you Jamie. Seriously"

"I know" He said giving her a smirk

Eddie finished getting changed and put on a little bit of makeup. She looked down at the light blue t-shirt she was currently wearing and didn't know if it was because it was clean or because it was Jamie's but it was the best thing she had ever word. It was a little big but she didn't mind. She tucked the front in to give it some kind of shape and picked up her purse and Jamie's duffel and walked out of the locker room.

"Hey, feel better?" Jamie asked reaching out to take the bag from her

"A little, yea, thanks" Eddie said

"Up for the sandwich?" Jamie said

"I guess" Eddie said as they walked back to the waiting area.

"Eat slow ok hotshot?"

Eddie didn't say anything, she just rolled her eyes.

Eddie finished most of her food and just sat next to Jamie waiting for an update. She wasn't up to talking and luckily he knew that and didn't try to push it.

"Officer Janko?" The doctor said walking in.

"Yes" Eddie said getting up, Jamie up right next to her

"The neurosurgeon is still working to clear the clot that formed in his brain but I wanted to let you know we repaired his spleen and abdominal wound"

"What about the stroke during the surgery?" Eddie asked

"We still won't know any deficits until he wakes up but he threw another clot, which is what the neurosurgeon is working on. He shouldn't be much longer, Officer"

"Ok thank you" Eddie said trying to process everything.

"If he's anything like his daughter he's gonna pull through just fine" Jamie said putting a hand on her back

"He has to be" Eddie said, feeling the tears come back.

"Come here" Jamie said pulling her in for a hug

"I can't wait around anymore" Eddie said as she sat back down

"What are you gonna do? Go back there and operate yourself?" Jamie asked, hoping a joke would make her smile.

"Be better than waiting"

"It's the worst part. Pop had a heart attack and my dad was shot, my rookie year, the waiting is the worst part. You can't do anything but pray everything will be ok"

"I'm not good at waiting"

"Patients aren't your strong suit Janko"

"I'm aware" Eddie said

"No wonder the man never did the right thing, he does and almost gets murdered for it" Eddie said angrily

"Eddie"

"What, you want me to sit here and bargain with a God that probably doesn't know who I am to help my father a criminal?" Eddie said, her voice getting louder

"It's not a deli order Eddie, it's not always about going to church every week. You can go to church twice a year and be a better person, or in my case a better Catholic than someone that goes every week. It's about how you treat others, and serve others and yes praying is a big part but it's not the only thing, Eddie"

Eddie just looked at him so he continued.

"My faith has waivered in the past off and on, I was still deep in the anger phase of my grief when I met you. I like to think that you came into my life when I needed some fresh air, a new perspective, a new friend. I was in a rut and you got me out of it. I don't think God had forsaken me and was like oh yea, Jameson Reagan, he ran out of forgiveness, time to smite him. No more for him. It doesn't work that way. You started a relationship again with your dad, sure not exactly what it was before, but you're trying Eddie. You guys made some progress the last few days. You might not totally have forgiven him but you've taken steps in the right direction"

"I'm confused"

"Twelve years of Catholic School and I still get confused" Jamie said

"Yea that's reassuring Reagan"

"What I'm trying to say is that if you feel the need or want to talk to God he's not gonna ignore you for not being religious"

"We'll see" Eddie said

"Officer Janko?" Another doctor asked walking out

"Yes" Eddie said standing up

"I'm the neurosurgeon that operated on your father. We can confirm a stroke during surgery, most likely from the prior injury, but we won't know the severity of it until he wakes up. We also cleared out the clot that formed and will monitor him closely for any more. Due to the surgery we didn't want to put him on blood thinners"

"When can I see him?" Eddie asked nervously

"In a few hours, he's in recovery and once we move him to neuroICU you can be with him"

"Thank you" Eddie said

Once the doctor walked away Eddie flopped back in the chair.

"Jamie, I can't sit here any longer. I can't wait around"

"Where do you want to go?" Jamie asked

"I just want to see him"

"In a little" Jamie said encouragingly

"I need out of this room now"

"You wanna go sit in the chapel? It's were I would sit when my mom was sick and in the hospital"

"What the hell" Eddie said

"Come on" Jamie said holding his hand out as he got up.

As soon as he put his hand out he realized he probably shouldn't have done that. Eddie hesitantly took it, but told herself that she only took it so she didn't fall over.

They walked into the chapel and Eddie said down and Jamie went and lit a four candles. One for his grandmom, mom and Joe and one for Armin.

"So what does one do in a chapel?" Eddie asked

"Get all drunk and disorderly" Jamie said laughing

"Seriously"

"Joe and I would come in here and talk, sometimes we sat quietly. It depended what we were waiting on for my mom"

"It's calming in here, unlike out there" Eddie said looking around

"I don't know if its a head thing or what but it always calmed Joe and I" Jamie said

They sat there quietly for a while and Jamie thought that Eddie was sleeping she was so quiet.

"I'm scared" Eddie said quietly

"I get that" Jamie said nodding

"I can't do anything to change it, I can't do anything to make him better" Eddie said

"The helplessness is the worst" Jamie said

"What if he doesn't wake up. What if this is all the time I had with him?" Eddie asked

"You can't regret anything Eddie. He made his choices and hurt you in the process, you had every right to be angry and hurt and betrayed. But you wanted a relationship with him and you were working on it. Not many would have the courage to do that Eddie"

"We talked the last few days, like actually talked. He told me why he felt like he had to do it, we talked about the happy memories, he listened when I became angry and didn't get mad at the way I handled everything. He said he understood why I shut him out all that time. He wasn't mad, he understood. He said that me coming to visit and telling him about work made him do whatever he could to get out early to be apart of my life again" Eddie said

"My mom used to tell me things happen for a reason and maybe this needed to happen so you would have more than just a few hours every few weeks to talk and work through what you both have been feeling"

"I told him about you too, and how you helped me trust people again and was the reason why I came to visit him for the first time"

Jamie just smiled, not wanting to interrupt her.

"Talking with him has made want to work on our relationship, that I do have to let the anger go. It wasn't doing me any good, to be angry and hurt"

"It sounds like you guys had a good few days after you stopped yelling at him"

"You should be happy, you got a break from me yelling"

"No I didn't" Jamie said laughing

"You're such a jerk" Eddie said yawning.

"Why don't you try to take a nap" Jamie said

"Will you stay?" Eddie said

"I'm not going anywhere Eddie" Jamie said squeezing her thigh.

Eddie laid down and rested her head on Jamie's leg. Her fingers were playing with the t-shirt she was wearing. She was surrounded by his smell and it had a calming effect on her. Jamie lightly had his fingers running through her hair, he didn't even realize he was doing in, but it lulled Eddie to sleep. He leaned back and closed his eyes and prayed that God would give Eddie the strength no matter what the outcome, but that he hoped Armin would get better so Eddie could continue to better her relationship with him.

He was half-awake and half-asleep when he heard the door open. He couldn't get up without waking Eddie but he could turn enough to see that it was Danny.

"I thought I might find you in here" Danny whispered when he walked over.

"She's not allowed to see him yet, and she didn't want to be in the waiting room anymore" Jamie said

"She look's good in your shirt" Danny said

"Stuff it Danny"

"You can't say that in a chapel"

"It's nondenominational" Jamie said

Danny didn't say anything he just rolled his eyes.

"Can you get my jacket out of the bag, she was shivering earlier, but I couldn't reach unless I moved her"

Danny bent over and fished out Jamie's navy blue zip-up and unzipped it and laid it on Eddie's torso. She saw her instinctively cuddle into but figured he would let it go.

"So what are you doing here?" Jamie asked

"Linda said I was smothering her with taking care of her and Pop told me to bring you guys dinner that he made"

"What time is it?" Jamie asked looking at his watch

"6:30" Danny said

"Oh wow, I thought she would have been able to see him by now" Jamie said

"Yea especially since they said it wouldn't be long when I was here hours ago"

"There was a blood clot in his brain they had to fix"

"They really did a number on him" Danny said

"And I'm guessing you saw Eddie's arm?" Danny asked

"Yea I had to ask her about it though"

"She hid it from me after she saw me looking at her arm. Her sleeve was still up when I first saw her"

"Apparently she didn't call Sarge right away or tell him everything" Jamie said rolling his eyes

"How's she doing?"

"Tired apparently, we've been in here awhile. She really just wants him to be ok, to keep repairing their relationship"

"It can't be easy" Danny said

"Nope" Jamie said

"I walked to the DA Investigator and they are gonna have the Marshalls outside his room and that the two correction officer's were apart of the drug smuggling and where trying to shut him up. Eddie's been cleared, ruled it justifiable force" Danny said

"That's good, I'm sure she would do it again but she'll be happy to know that" Jamie said

"I'm shocked you didn't asked what Pop made for dinner" Danny said

"Yea, I was getting there. So what'd he make?"

"Bread and his own famous chicken noodle soup"

"He grow the carrots and make the noodles too?" Jamie asked laughing

"Don't encourage him" Danny said laughing

"I'm shocked he hasn't written a cook book yet, everything he makes is famous and the best" Jamie said

"Yea, you better not let him hear you mock him" Danny said

"Guess we should wake her" Jamie said

"You wake her and I'll go get an update on Armin. Linda got you guys one of the conference rooms to camp out in" Danny said

"I like Linda better than you" Jamie said

"Doesn't everyone" Danny said walking out

"Janko, wake up. Danny brought dinner" Jamie said shaking her shoulder

"Huh?" Eddie asked realizing that her head was resting on Jamie's duty belt and wondering when his favorite navy blue jacket had been placed on top of her.

"Were in the chapel, you needed a nap" Jamie said looking down at her sleepy face.

He thought about how beautiful she looked just waking up, and wanted nothing more than do kiss the lips that were only inches from his face; but he was a gentlemen and would never unless Eddie gave the ok, or if they were drunk and singing on the sidewalk like last time.

"Food?" Eddie asked

"Pop made break and chicken soup. It's world famous in Bayridge"

"How can it be world famous only in Bayridge?" Eddie said smirking

"I wouldn't suggest arguing with Pop about it" Jamie said smiling back

"How did I end up half slumped against you like a drunken perp?" Eddie asked

"Your head started out on my thigh and then I dozed off and I think you were cold and were trying to use my duty belt for warmth"

"Yea your Glock is really cuddly" Eddie said sitting up

"Ok not the best way to sleep" Eddie said stretching her shoulders and neck.

"How's my dad. Did we miss an update?" Eddie asked remembering why she was there in the first place.

"Danny went to find out, he set us up in a conference room"

"You're family has done more for me in the last few days than mine has in years. Thank you"

"Hey partners are family Eddie, you don't have to keep thanking us"

Eddie didn't say anything she just nodded.

"How are you feeling" Jamie asked her as they stood up.

"My pounding headache went away, I usually get them from too much stress"

"Why didn't you tell me you had a headache?" Jamie asked

"Cause you were worried and talking was making it worse" Eddie said

"Alright well Pop swears his soup cures everything so it should help too"

Danny was waiting outside the chapel when Jamie and Eddie walked out. Danny was trying to play it off but Jamie knew something was wrong.

"Hey Danny, how's my dad?"

"Eddie why don't we go into the conference room first" Danny said looking worried

"Just tell me Danny, I'm a big girl"

"He hasn't woken up yet. They put him in the neuroICU. But don't worry it took Sean a few days to wake up" Danny said trying to reassure her

Eddie looked confused so Jamie jumped in.

"Sean had an accident when he was bike riding years ago, he had a contusion and was in a coma" Jamie said

"Oh God I had no idea"

"He's totally normal, at least as normal for him" Danny said laughing

"Linda said it's normal for your dad to take a few days to wake up, the doc'll be in to talk to you but she said just keep talking to him to stimulate his brain"

"I'm gonna go see him, you guys go the conference room. I'll be in soon" Eddie said

"Do you..." Jamie said before Eddie cut him off

"I don't need you to stalk me Reagan" Eddie said handing him his jacket

"You sure you're not cold?" Jamie asked giving her a look he knew she was.

"Fine" Eddie said putting it on

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" Jamie asked

"I'm sure Jamie, I know we're friends and all but somethings I need to do on my own" Eddie said walking over to his new room

"Ouch" Danny said smirking at his brother

"Shut up" Jamie said

"You might actually want to stay, I popped my head in and he really didn't look good" Danny said

"But Eddie"

"But Eddie said she didn't want you. Get over yourself. She either gets mad you're here and mad you're not here and she needs you while you're slurping soup"

"I'll hang out" Jamie said

"Smart choice"

Jamie walked down the hall so he could see Armin's room but he was far enough away that Eddie didn't see him.

Eddie walked up to the door, since it was the ICU it was all glass and the curtain was wide open. As soon as she saw her father she didn't know if she was going to be sick or pass out. Armin was laying in a bed hooked up to more machines than Eddie could count. He had a tube coming out of his mouth and his head. Along with the head tube he also had a big white wrap around his head and his face was all bruised. He was as pale as she had ever seen him aside from the purple that was spreading around his face.

As soon as she walked up to the door she let out the biggest gut wrenching sob that she didn't know she had in her. Unbeknownst to her, Jamie had heard it and walked closer to Armin's room. He wouldn't enter unless Eddie wanted him but he also knew that sometimes you needed people even if you pushed them away.

"Daddy" Eddie said quietly as she walked into the room, wrapped the jacket around her tighter.

"Oh dad" Eddie said pulling a chair up next to the bed and sitting down.

Eddie sat down and could feel her hands shaking and tears start to fall.

"I'm here dad, I'm here" Eddie said taking his hand in both of hers.

"You need to get better ok, you just have to wake up. Please" Eddie said bringing her hands with his up to her forehead and bowing in down.

"You need to get better so your sentence can be reduced and you can get out and we can be a family again Dad, I've missed you" Eddie said her voice cracking

Eddie looked up at the machines trying to see if there was a change but there wasn't.

"Come on dad, I know you can do it. Just open your eyes. Please" Eddie said

She let go with one of her hands and wipes her eyes, and pulled Jamie's jacket around her tighter.

"You need to wake up and yell at me for wearing another boy's shirt and jacket. You didn't approve of that after we got caught in the rain at the highschool football game. Man were you mad at me, I swore you looked into building a tower to lock me away in. See dad I need you to wake up and yell at me" Eddie said taking a deep breath

"I ... I never stopped being a daddy's girl, and ... and I never will" Eddie said letting her tears fall.

"Jamie, he called me daddy's girl from when I first met him. And even though I wasn't talking to you then, it was true. I never stopped loving you dad" Eddie said crying.

She looked up and saw Jamie standing with his back against the door and eyes clothes, much like the day her father had confessed that it was the guards selling drugs. She wasn't sure when he got there but she wasn't surprised, he promised to not let her down. Slightly annoyed he knew her so well but mostly grateful he knew she needed his presence even though she couldn't express it.

"Jamie" Eddie said wiping her eyes

Jamie just opened his eyes and lifted off the wall, never saying a word.

"This gets really annoying Reagan" Eddie said

"Tell me about it, that wall isn't comfortable" Jamie said hoping she wasn't mad

"I was telling him that you called me a daddy's girl before you even knew the history" Eddie said tearing up again

Jamie just walked in and stood next to her. "I wasn't wrong" Jamie said giving her a small smile

"Jamie" Eddie said starting to cry "I need him to wake up" Eddie said looking at her dad's face again.

"He will" Jamie said bending over to give her a hug

He went to stand back up but Eddie still hung onto him.

"Ok" Jamie said crouching down.

He knelt in front of her legs and continued to hug her.

"How do you know?" Eddie asked, her crying slowing.

"Blind faith, gut feeling, hope" Jamie said

"When"

"That I don't know" Jamie said rubbing her shoulder

"I feel like I just got him back, I can't ... I can't lose him forever Jamie" Eddie said starting to sob again.

He looked around for another chair but there was only one in the room, he lifted her up and plopped down underneath him. Screw the rules, screw the lines drawn in the sand, this was his best friend and she finally felt like she was repairing things with her dad and now this. Jamie knew it was unfair, he knew she was angry and hurt.

"I wasted the last year and a half still never totally forgiving him, almost four years of not speaking to him before that. It's not fair. I need more time" Eddie said crying into her shoulder.

"I know" Jamie said

She was sitting on his lap now, her feet over the arm of the chair. He had his left arm around her waist and his right across her body running his fingers up and down her arm.

"NO YOU DON'T" Eddie said starting to fight his hold

"You want something to punch? Go for it. Punch, kick, scream. If it's gonna make you feel better" Jamie said

"Then you'll arrest for me assaulting a police officer" Eddie said still crying but not fighting him as hard

"You would look cute in an orange jumpsuit" Jamie said. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he regretted him, it seemed like he was trying so hard to ignore what ever it was between them that he kept bringing it up.

It had the desired effect as Eddie stopped crying and starts hysterically laughing.

"I have no problem committing you Janko, maybe your can find your knight in shining psycho" Jamie said smirking

"We'll have to get you a chair, cause your asp is poking me and your cuffs are cold" Eddie said standing up

"You want me to stay?" Jamie asked

"Sorry I shouldn't have. You have things to do I'm sure" Eddie said stammering and wiping her eyes.

"Hey Eddie look at me. Of course I'll stay, I figured I'd would, but I wanted to make sure it was ok first" Jamie said

"Can you?"

"Of course" Jamie said standing up

"Do you want to go eat or do you want me to bring it to you?" Jamie asked

"No I'll come. I can't stand to see him like this" Eddie said

They walked into the conference room and saw that Danny had set out their bowls and bread. They went to wash their hands and came back started eating.

"You good Eddie?" Danny asked as they walked back in

"Yea, just hard to see him like that"

"I understand" Danny said passing her the bowl

"How's Linda?" Eddie said

"She's fine, she's more worried about you" Danny said

"I'm ok" Eddie said "I have this pain in the ass to keep me company" Eddie said looking at Jamie

"You staying the night too?" Danny asked him

"Yea, Eddie asked me to" Jamie said

"I figured you would stay so I stopped by your apartment and got you some stuff. Linda sent me with some stuff for you Janko"

"You all have done more than enough for me"

"It's called a Thursday in the Reagan family" Danny said

"Tell your grandpa that I can see why his soup is world famous" Eddie said

"Brownnoser"

"Boy scout"

"Daddy's girl" Jamie said before he froze at what he said

"It's ok. It's true" Eddie said giving him a small smile

"You might want to take your foot out of your mouth to finish your soup kid" Danny said as Jamie turned bright red.

"It's fine, it's what we do" Eddie said

"Officer Janko" The neurosurgeon said walking in.

"Yes, hi" Eddie said standing up

"Please keep eating. I just wanted to update you before I leave for the night. Everything is holding steady which is good news, we just have it wait and see what happens next, when he wakes up"

"Do you know when that might be?" Eddie asked

"There's no medicine keeping him up, it just depends on his body, how much time it needs to heal. The brain is funny, we know the least about it and sometimes we do a test and think there's no way they will wake up and they do so don't worry. It could be a few hours, days or weeks. But he does have good brain activity"

"Ok, and through the night?" Eddie asked

"There will be another neurosurgeon here and will check him through the night and will call if anything happens"

"Can I stay?" Eddie asked

"I'll allow it" He said nodding

"Thank you" Eddie said

"I'll be back in the morning and will run another head CT and we will go from there"

"Thanks" Eddie said

"I hate waiting"

"Hang in there Eddie" Danny said

Danny cleaned up their dinner and handed Jamie the bag he brought for him and the bag Linda gave him for Eddie.

"Linda said she cleared it with the night nurses to use an on-call room and the nurses locker room.

"I'd rather sleep in his room. I'll be fine in the chair" Eddie said

"Ok, if you need anything ask for Nurse Laura, she's good friends with Linda"

"I met her earlier, she was very nice" Eddie said

Jamie grabbed their bags and headed to the locker room. He tossed and their extra stuff in Linda's locker and they both went to shower. Jamie finished first and quickly got dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt and put on his sneakers. He had given Danny his uniform and gun so that way nothing went missing in the hospital but he kept his off-duty weapon and cuffs with him.

"I'm gonna go sit with your dad, Eddie. I have the pillows and blankets Danny brought" He really didn't need to be ten feet from her when she was showering, that was not helping him at all.

"Ok" Eddie called out.

* * *

"Alright Mr. Janko it's time to wake up now. Eddie needs you. Man to man you really hurt her and while she understands what you did and why you did it, you need to keep getting better and keep working on your relationship with her"

Jamie sat their quietly and talked to him mom and Joe, asking them to watch over Eddie. He wasn't the best Catholic but whenever he felt hopeless he prayed.

"Hey, how is he" Eddie said walking in

"No change" Jamie said

"Ugh" Eddie said sitting down

"You feel better?"

"Yea clean clothes really helped. Thank God I threw an extra set of clean underwear in the bag I had from sleeping her last night. Linda's sweatpants are a little tight but it's better than jeans."

"When was the last time you actually slept at home?" Jamie asked her

"I think it was four nights ago" Eddie said trying to remember

"Oh wow, well I can go and pick you up some stuff tomorrow if you don't want to leave" Jamie said

"What would I do without you Reagan?"

"Be hungry and naked" Jamie said

Eddie just rolled her eyes

"You're still wearing my jacket?" Jamie asked surprised

"It's comfy" Eddie said

"Come on then, get comfy" Jamie said Getting out of the chair

The nurses had brought in a bed for them and after an awkward encounter of one of the nurses thinking they were married and having to correct her, they were trying to make the least amount of waves.

"Jamie come on you can't sleep in the chair"

"I'll be fine" Jamie said

"I know I have no right to ask you this, God knows you've done plenty for me, and we probably shouldn't but would you lay with me?" Eddie said pushing the bed closer to her dad's.

"I can do that" Jamie said moving the chairs

"Friends share beds all the time"

"Sure they do" Jamie said smirking which earned him being hit with a pillow.

"You be closer to your dad, I'll take the wall" Jamie said climbing across the bed.

Eddie lowered the lights and closed the curtain, but because it was a hospital it was still pretty bright in the room.

"Jamie, you really are the best friend I've ever had. I probably would've threaten the nurses by now without you"

"What are friends for?" Jamie asked

"You're one of the good ones Reagan" Eddie said ruffling his hair

Jamie just looked at her and laughed "Am I six or am I a dog?" He asked laughing

"Just move over" Eddie said Climbing into the bed

"Wow Reagan I never thought sharing a bed with you would be so intimate" Eddie said

Jamie was glad it was mostly dark, since he was turning redder by the second. They had slept at each other's apartments but he always insisted he take the couch.

"You need to go to sleep before I drug you" Jamie said

"Is that a threat?"

"Yea and not an empty one if you don't lay still" Jamie said reaching his right arm across her to pin her down.

"I don't know if pinning your partner down in a hospital bed is against the patrol guide" Eddie said

"I don't think so" Jamie said

Eddie sat back up and looked at her dad's monitors.

"I think his pulse ox went up" Eddie said

"Just lay down Janko, it anything was wrong it would be beeping like crazy"

"Alright" She said laying back down

"Wait Jamie did you hear that?" Eddie said

"No" Jamie said laying on his side facing the wall.

"I'm gonna stay up for a little"

"Ok" Jamie said

"Hey dad" Eddie said taking his hand

Eddie sat there and just talked to him about memories from when she was little, it seemed as if his numbers were a little better when she talked to him.

"Dad!?" Eddie asked and she felt his hand move

"Dad it's Eddie, can you hear me?" Eddie asked

She saw he was trying to talk over the tube in his mouth.

"Dad, it's ok, don't talk. It's ok" Eddie said

"Jamie! Jamie! Get a nurse" Eddie said yelled to her half-asleep partner

Jamie got up and stumbled out to bring the doctor and nurse.

"Mr. Janko, nice to see you" The night doctor said walking in

"Don't try to talk until we get the tube out" He said

Eddie moved back onto her bed and leaned against the wall and tucked her feet under her, Jamie could see she was nervously playing with her fingers so he took her hand in his. Eddie just looked at him and nodded.

"It's going to be uncomfortable but it will be over quick I promise" the nurse said

"You might not want to watch Officer Janko, it won't be pleasant for a second"

Eddie was about to protest before Jamie cut her off.

"It's not some random perp or victim Eddie, it's your dad. It's ok to look away" Jamie said

Eddie got up and slipped her sneakers on and left his room and Jamie followed.

"It's my dad Jamie, don't kick me out"

"You wanna see your father gag and gasp for air and aspirate fluids and they take a breathing tube out?"

"No"

"Well then" Jamie said

"Just relax Eddie. I know, I'm one to talk especially when it comes to my family"

"I had to help Erin give birth when I was sixteen" Jamie said out of no where.

"Ha what?" Eddie asked forgetting all annoyances

"Yea she was at my parents house since Jack was working, I had just gotten home from school and mom and grandma went to do errands and everyone else was working. We're in the kitchen having a snack and her water breaks on the floor, she's screaming, I scream. I'm 16, I didn't even have my license yet, only my permit. Pop was PC so she's yelling at me to drive her to the hospital, I want to call 911. So she threatens my future children and I swear she broke my hand. Danny calls her beanpole but she had superhuman strength that day. It's '96 so no cell phones, I page my dad and Pop and Jack but were at the hospital and it's active labor and I went out to the payphone to call anyone I could get ahold of and as I walked to the door she starts screaming for me I walk back in and see way more of my sister than anyone wants to see. I'm convinced she needed an exorcism"

"Oh poor Erin, she was stuck with you" Eddie said laughing

"What about poor 16 year old Jamie. I refused to hold Nicky for a week until I knew she had several baths. Thank God Jack and my mom showed up before she started pushing. I'm not sure I would have ever talked to her again" Jamie said

"That's hysterical"

"I was awkward, I can't help it. Girls like threw themselves at me cause I was the nice guy and I wouldn't know what to do"

"Was? How about still" Eddie said laughing

"Whoa not cool Eddie" Jamie said laughing

"Ok you two, you can go back in. He will be raspy for a little, give him some ice chips. He'll still be tired" The doctor said

"You're lucky to have such a supportive boyfriend Officer Janko" The nurse said

"What? Oh him? He's my partner" Eddie said stammering

"Go see your dad" Jamie said saving her from embarrassing themselves any more.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'll give you some time with your dad, do you want a tea or something?" Jamie asked

"Yes please. Thank you" Jamie just nodded and grabbed his wallet and quietly walked out of the room giving Eddie a squeeze on the shoulder.

"Hey Dad" Eddie said quietly as she walked to her father's bed and moved the chair closer.

"Ed? Eddie?" Armin croaked out

"Shh, it's ok. Don't try and talk yet ok?" Eddie said trying to keep her emotions in check

She gently linked her hand with his and reached for the cup of ice chips that the nurse had brought in.

"Here have some ice chips" Eddie said spooning a few into his mouth.

If I had known laying next to a boy in bed would have woken you up I would've put Jamie in the bed sooner" Eddie said laughing

Armin relaxed and let the ice chips cool his mouth and throat.

"How are you feeling?" Eddie asked

"Like I've been stabbed"

"A knife to the stomach will do that to you"

"You can go home, you need your rest" Armin said putting a hand on her cheek.

"Dad I can't leave you" Eddie said

"You need to take care of yourself, Edit"

"I know and I am. Jamie is making sure I eat and sleep. He's getting me a tea now"

"He seems like a good kid"

"Dad he's older than me. We're not exactly kids anymore" Eddie said laughing

"I wish you were still a kid and I could take back everything I did. I deeply regret hurting you, Edit" Armin said

"I know dad" Eddie said hugging him.

"Ed, tea" Jamie said putting the cup in her hand as she sat back down. Jamie took notice of her wet eyes and just looked at her, she nodded and he started to walk out.

"I don't bite you know Jameson" Armin said

"Jamie, please, sir"

"Armin" He said holding his hand out

"I just wanted to give Eddie some time with you that's all" Jamie said

"You're good to my daughter?" Armin asked

"She's my best friend" Jamie said smiling

Eddie blushed slightly and took small sips of the hot tea from the paper coffee cup.

"Eddie needs good people around her. She didn't have the best growing up, my fault"

"She turned out pretty well" Jamie said

"I'm gonna go sit in the waiting room we were in earlier while I drink this lousy excuse for Irish tea" Jamie said

"So dad Jamie and I are going to stay with you tonight. Hospital security is outside the door along with two NYPD officers picked by Commissioner Reagan himself and then tomorrow the Marshalls will send people to guard your room while you are here since you will be testifying as a material witness in a federal corrections case" Eddie said

"That's a lot to follow" Armin said

"You're still pretty hopped up on the good stuff. I'll remind you in the morning" Eddie said

"Thank you" Armin said

"Oh it's no trouble" Eddie said waving her hand around

"I don't mean for that. I mean for forgiving me. I can't imagine how much I've hurt you and what it did to your life" Armin said

"We'll talk more in the morning dad, ok? Get some sleep. I love you dad" Eddie said the last part nervously

Eddie said there watching her father and his monitors for a almost another hour before she was too tired to stay away. She figured the least she could do was going out and get Jamie so he wasn't sleeping in an uncomfortable waiting room chair.

"Hey Reagan, wake up" Eddie said lightly shaking his shoulder.

"Huh?" Jamie asked

"You're in the waiting room. It got late" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said not moving

"Come on" Eddie said holding her hand out. She turned bright red as she did but before she could pull it away from Jamie he was pulling himself off the chair with it. He lightly rubbed his thumb over her hand as he got his balance and they started walking back over to Armin's room.

"How is he?" Jamie asked yawning.

"He's ok, he was struggling to stay awake so the nurse brought him some sleeping medicine and he fell asleep so I sat with him for a little before I came to get you. You could've went to the bed you know" Eddie said

"I was giving you privacy"

"Thank you" Eddie said

Jamie laid down as close to the wall as he could.

"You don't have to hump the wall Jamie, I'm not gonna jump you in your sleep" Eddie said laughing

"Huh? Oh, ok" Jamie said moving a little closer to Eddie

"Comfy?" Eddie asked

"Yea, sure" Jamie said uneasily realizing that he was sharing a bed with his hot partner who he had feelings for in a the ICU next to her father.

"Jamie relax"

"Just go to sleep Eddie" Jamie said

"Night Reagan" Eddie said sleepily

"Night Janko" Jamie said

They each rolled to their sides and faced away from the other.

Somewhere in the middle of the night Jamie woke up and realized that Eddie was laying right next to him and his arm was wrapped around her and she had her hand laying on his chest. He knew they couldn't wake up like this so he tried to extract his arm from her and rolled her away from him but in the dark he rolled her too far and she started to fall off the bed so Jamie grabbed her.

"Huh what?" Eddie said coming to

"You, uh, you were about to roll off the bed" Jamie said turning bright red

"Why?" Eddie asked still not fully awake

"I guess you rolled over and were in the end?" Jamie said hoping she didn't know he was the one that rolled her.

"kay" Eddie said going back to sleep

Jamie laid back down and stared at the ceiling, he wasn't sure how much longer they could keep this undefined thing up with out one them losing their minds.

In the morning they both woke up when the doctors came in for their rounds.

"How'd you sleep?" Eddie asked

"Like a baby" Jamie said lying

"Really? That bed was not comfortable at all" Eddie said

"I guess I was tired enough" Jamie said shrugging

"What's up you're being weird." Eddie said

"I'm fine"

"You're not all freaked out cause we shared a bed, are you?" Eddie said

"What? Where would you get that idea?" Jamie asked, his voice a little higher than he had anticipated

"Then what's with you? If it's a morning thing I get it. You can leave the room and I won't look" Eddie said poking him in the stomach

"Oh God, just stop" Jamie said groaning and running a hand across his face

"I'm messing with you Reagan" Eddie said laughing

"At least wait till I've had coffee" Jamie said getting up

"Thanks for staying last night" Eddie said

"Anytime Eddie" Jamie said

"I'm gonna go change" Eddie said standing next to him

"Ok" Jamie said nodding

He pulled his phone out of his jacket and saw he had a text him Danny.

D- How was the sleep over? Hope you kept it G rated

J- You're an ass

D- Good morning to you too

\- How's her dad?

J- He woke up last night and they took the tube out. He's still asleep now

D- You guys need anything?

J- I think were ok, thanks Danny

D- You bringing her to dinner on Sunday?

J- Why would I

D- Cause I really don't think you will get through the next two days without kissing her

J- Shut up

Jamie put his shoes on and went to go shower and change.

Jamie walked into the nurses locker room not even thinking that Eddie would be changing.

"Oh God, Ed, Sorry" Jamie said as he walked in and saw Eddie was completely topless. He put a hand over his eyes and turned around and walked out. Jamie walked over and sat in the waiting room and waited for Eddie to finish and come out. A few minutes later Eddie walked out of the locker room and over to her.

"Hey, it's um, it's empty" Eddie said blushing

"Sorry, I should have knocked or something. I didn't mean to see, um see ..."

"My boobs?" Eddie asked raising her eyebrow up

"Yea" Jamie deadpanned

"It's no big deal" Eddie said

"Yea" Jamie said

"I'll go get us some coffee" Eddie said awkwardly

"Sounds good" Jamie said nodding

He saw Eddie walk away and walked into the locker room, quickly showered and changed and went back to Armin's room who had been taken away for tests.

"Look who I found?" Eddie said as she walked in with Kara and some coffee cups

"I figured you two would need some coffee and food" Kara said handing Jamie his breakfast sandwich and Eddie handed him the coffee cup, his fingers brushed against hers as he took the cup and they both looked away from each other.

"What's with you two? One of you punch the other in your sleep?" Kara asked

"No" They both said

"Ok" Kara said looking between them

"Thanks for the food" Jamie said

"Of course, I have a late shift later so I figured you could use non-hospital food"

"Eddie, we would like to have a conference with you" One of the neurosurgeons said walking into the room

"Good morning everyone" He added

"Ok" Eddie said getting up

"We'll be here" Kara said

Once Eddie had walked out of the room, Kara was still studying Jamie.

"So what's with you?" Kara asked

"Nothing" Jamie said

"Jamie come on you two are acting like you killed someone" Kara said

"I'm actually surprised she didn't tell you"

"Tell me what?" Kara asked

"I walked in on her, boobs and everything in the locker room this morning"

"Ah" Kara said

"Awkward" Jamie said shrugging

"You two will be fine" Kara said

"Yea we just have to decide if we should ignore it or talk about it"

"I think you need to talk about it or otherwise it will make things more awkward" Kara said

"I hope your right" Jamie said taking a sip of his coffee

"Hey what did the doctor say?" Kara said as Eddie walked back in

She sat down next to Kara and put her head on her shoulder.

"That they need more of the swelling to go down or it's only going to kill him" Eddie said

"Oh sweetie" Kara said hugging her

"I'm sorry Eddie" Jamie said not touching her

"They said that even though he woke up on his own, with the amount of swelling, he could slip into a coma at anytime if his body decides that it can't process this extra fluid" Eddie said looking at her hands

"Did they take any skull out?"

"Yea, they can't take anymore, too much of a risk"

"He was talking, only slurred a little last night" Jamie said, trying to be encouraging

"They said not to get my hopes up, that it could be a calm before the storm" Eddie said waving her hands around

"Meaning?" Kara asked

"The end" Jamie said so quietly Kara barely heard him

"I don't know what to do" Eddie said

"About what?" Jamie asked

"DNR, life support... funeral, that stuff"

"He have a will?" Jamie asked

"No" Eddie said

"Well one of us in this room can write one" Kara said

"You can, can't you?" Kara asked him

"Yea I can, I can send it to a buddy too to double check it. Only thing is, is that a judge may not honor it because of the brain trauma. You would need the doc to declare him of sound mind" Jamie said

"This is just too much. I've been living in here for a week now, he's getting worse. I jus..." Eddie said before she stopped and drew her feet up to her and leaned into Kara.

"What can we do to help?" Kara asked

"Nothing you can do"

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt" A gruff voice came form the doorway

"Who are you?" Jamie asked standing up

"Marshall Morgan, who are you?"

"Officer Jamie Reagan, Officer Janko's partner"

"Oh please don't tell me you're that Reagan" Morgan said

"Yea, the commissioner's son" Jamie said

"Well yea but I meant Danny and Erin Reagan"

"Yea they are my siblings" Jamie said wondering where this was going

"Well shit"

"Excuse me?" Jamie said

"You're brother might be the most arrogant, brazen cop I've ever met. And your sister is kind of a bitch with a law degree"

"Try growing up as the youngest" Jamie said hoping it would lighten the mood

"Funny" Morgan deadpanned

"I'm told I'm the patient and calm Reagan" Jamie said

"Well now that these pleasantries are over, where's the crook?"

"What did you say?" Eddie asked immediately jumping up.

Jamie put a hand out behind him to try and keep Eddie back and Kara was able to stop her before she lunged for Morgan.

"I'm sorry the upstanding citizen" Morgan said sarcastically

"You mean the only man that was willing to testify in federal prison against corrupt corrections officers?" Jamie asked

"Yea him"

"I suggest you don't call him that again" Kara said

"Where is here?" Morgan asked

"He's on his way back from testing" The doctor said walking up "Are you going to be a problem? Am I going to have to ask you to be removed from my hospital?" Eddie was instantly grateful that this doctor was on their side, they knew most of the hospital staff was less than pleased to be working on Armin.

"We just need to go over some procedural things since we are now in charge of protecting him" Morgan said

"Then follow me to my office please" the doctor said

* * *

Jamie, Eddie, Kara and her dad and been talking and Jamie had helped him write his will, it was currently getting notarized after the doctor signed off that he was of enough sound mind to create a will.

That afternoon Kara was getting ready to leave and Eddie walked into the hallway with her.

"It was good to see you Mr. Janko. You need to get better so Eddie and I can come visit again, I feel like there's more wild stories she hasn't told me" Kara said

"It was good to see you Kara" he said back

"You can't stay longer?" Eddie asked her

"Talk to Reagan. He told me what happened. I mean if I had your boobs, I would totally show them off more, especially to him" Kara said with a wicked grin

"We haven't even looked at each other so that's out of the question"

"Just talk to him. He's your best friend. I know I'm second fiddle" Kara said giving her a hug

"Thank you for coming and staying" Eddie said hugging her back

"Of course, you need your friends. Sarge told me that he was gonna stop by after his tour today, so within the next hour" Kara said

"I don't know what I'd do without you guys" Eddie said

"You're strong Eddie. Don't forget it" Kara said "No matter what happens we all have your back"

"Thank you" Eddie said hugging her again

"Eddie""Jamie" they both said at the same time as Eddie walked back into the room.

"We uh" Jamie started

"Yea" Eddie said "He's sleeping"

"Back to the waiting room, give him some quiet?" Jamie asked

Armin had done ok, he wasn't out of the woods, but the improvement hadn't been what the doctors had hoped it would be.

"Yea" Eddie said walking back out

"I think we need to clear the air" Jamie said

"It's fine, it's a locker room. It happens" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said swallowing and nodding

"Just cause it's a great set of boobs Jamie, it doesn't change anything between us" Eddie said "I know it wasn't on purpose" Eddie said truthfully

"No, never. I should've taken my own advice and knocked" Jamie said giving her a small smile "I didn't even really see anything"

"uh-huh" Eddie said knowing it was a lie by the way he blushed

"There you two are" Tony said walking over

"Hey Sarge" They both said

"Janko how you holding up?"

"I'm ok" Eddie said

"You eating and sleeping?"

"Yea, as I can. Not overly hungry, but I did sleep"

"Good. Make sure you take care of yourself and take all the time you need"

"Thanks Sarge. I really appreciate it"

"You need anything just ask" Tony said putting a hand on her shoulder

"Reagan you being a gentlemen?"

"Of course Sarge. I'm house trained" Jamie said laughing

"Good"

Tony stayed a little longer and hung out with Jamie and Eddie but then he needed to get home. It was after what should have been a normal dinner time when they both smelled a homemade meal behind him.

"Pop?"

"Mr. Reagan what are you doing here?" Eddie asked, her and Jamie both getting up and taking the bags from him

"Henry please, I figured you could use some dinner again" Henry said

"What's in the duffel" Jamie asked taking the bag from his grandfather

"I'm sending you both home tonight, get some sleep. I'll stay and keep watch" Henry said patting his hip

"Is your permit still even valid?" Jamie asked

"Of course" Henry said

"Mr. ... Henry, sorry, I couldn't ask you to do that. Dinner last night was more than enough" Eddie said

"You didn't ask, I'm telling you. It's an order" Henry said

"Pop" Jamie warned

"When Francis was shot, I sat watch the whole night. These young ones they all were asleep on each other and I sat watch the whole night" Henry said

Jamie laughed, remembering his grandfather making fun of them.

"I was a rookie coming off two doubles" Jamie said laughing

"And I'm old" Henry said

Before Eddie could further protest, some of Armin's monitors went off.

"Ed out" Jamie said pushing her out of the room

"What's happening?" Eddie asked as nurses and doctors rushed in

It seemed like forever that Eddie, Jamie and Henry had been standing outside when the head neurosurgeon walked back out.

"Eddie" He said gently

"Yes, is he ok?" Eddie asked

"His heart was working overtime to try and clear the fluid in his brain, and his lungs started filing with fluid. We put him back on the breathing machine. It's not all back though, his body recognizes that it needs to get rid of the fluid, we are just making it easier now ok"

"But he's not awake anymore" Eddie said nervously

"His body needs to rest, and we need him quiet. It's just a light sedative"

"Light sedative" Eddie scoffed

"If tomorrow the fluid has lessened we will take the tube out again. This isn't a bad thing. His body wants to get rid of the fluid. That's good. Try and go home tonight and get some rest" The doctor said

"Thanks" Eddie said as the doctor walked away

"Eddie?" Jamie said gently, putting a hand on her arm

"What am I supposed to do now?" Eddie asked

"Go home, eat the dinner I made and get some sleep. You heard the doc, your father will be sleeping quietly tonight" Henry said

"I can't leave him" Eddie said wrapping her arms around her

"You will have to leave him if you don't take care of yourself" Henry said

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Eddie said annoyed

"Cause it's true. You're exhausted and you started coughing tonight" Jamie said reminding her of things she already knew

"All the more reason to go home and get some sleep" Henry said

"What if..." Eddie started

"If anything happens I will call you immediately. I promise Eddie" Henry said

"I don't know"

"Just listen to my grandfather Janko, it's much worse when you don't" Jamie said

"He's right for once" Henry said smiling

"Alright. But if anything changed you promise to call?" Eddie asked

"I promise" Henry said giving her a hug

"Ok" Eddie said nodding weakly

"I'll drive you home" Jamie said as they walked into the locker room to get their stuff

"And if something happens it will take twice as long to call you and you to come get me. I'll drive myself" Eddie said

"And crash on your way? You can barely hold yourself up" Jamie said

"I'm fine"

"Uh-huh" Jamie said

"Fine" Eddie said

"You can stay at my place, if I know you, you probably don't want to be alone anyway" Jamie said

"Can I? I have enough clothes. I know you don't have much with you" Eddie said

"It's no problem Eddie. You should know that" Jamie said

"Thanks" Eddie said genuinely

Jamie didn't say anything, he just nodded and put his hand out for her bag.

"I'm gonna go talk to the doc before we go" Eddie said

"Ok, take your time" Jamie said walking back to his grandfather.

"You promise to call right? Cause she will kill you" Jamie said

"I promise"

"Thanks Pops" Jamie said

"Eddie's family, she's your partner"

"My best friend" Jamie added

Henry just let out a small laughing knowing the last time they got whisky drunk playing cards Jamie let it slip that he had a crush on Eddie to his grandfather. Henry never brought it up again and figured Jamie hadn't even remembered telling him.

"Ok I talked it all over with the doctor. I'm just gonna say good night to my dad" Eddie said

Jamie and Henry walked out to give her some privacy.

"Dad, I'm gonna go home for the night. Try and behave ok? Don't try and pull anything, just sleep and get better so we can get you out of here and you can finish your sentence and then we can be family again. I love you dad" Eddie said kissing his cheek

"Ok" Eddie said as she walked into the hallway, getting herself together

"Thank you Henry" Eddie said hugging him

"Of course. Enjoy the dinner" Henry said

"Night Pop"

* * *

Eddie and Jaime were in his car driving back to his apartment.

"Why did your grandfather offer to stay?" Eddie asked

"What do you mean?"

"He's your grandfather Jamie, the former PC. Staying the night with a criminal"

"See Pop has his own scale of justice and in his eyes while your dad did wrong, he's paid his debt and didn't deserve this. Remember Happy Jack?"

"Yea what about him?"

"Pop's best friend. He arrested him and then they'd be friends again when he got out of jail"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. That's Pop for you" Jamie said

"It was really nice to make us dinner and stay with him"

"He knows what it's like when someone you love is in the hospital and the toll it can take on you" Jamie said

"It really does" Eddie said yawning and nodding

"Don't sleep yet Janko we're almost there" Jamie said

"'kay" Eddie said sleepily

Once they were back at the apartment Jamie woke up and carried their stuff up to the apartment with Eddie tiredly trailing behind.

"You can shower first, I'm gonna sit right here" Eddie said

"Alright" Jamie said laughing

After Jamie showered and walked back out in plaid pajama pants and a t-shirt Eddie said she was gonna go take a shower.

"Towels are in the closet" Jamie said

Eddie took a long hot shower and came out wearing an oversized t-shirt and pj pants.

"How you doing?" Jamie asked

"Don't ask me that" Eddie said

"Hungry?" Jamie asked taking two bowls of soup out of the microwave

"Yea I actually am" Eddie said sitting down at his kitchen table.

They sat quietly and Jamie cleared their food, Eddie was somewhere in her head but Jamie didn't want to disturb her.

All of a sudden Jamie saw a few tears run down her cheeks.

"Eddie?" Jamie asked

"It's just too much" Eddie said walking over to the couch and wrapping herself in a blanket

"It's too overwhelming. The worry and judgment, not knowing what will happen" Eddie said pulling the blanket around her tighter

"When my mom was in the hospital I hated leaving her there at night, my dad or Pops usually stayed but I thought that if I wasn't there something would happen, that if I was I would be able to save her" Jamie said sitting down next to her.

"It's stupid I know"

"It's not Eddie" Jamie said putting a hand on her leg

"Jamie I really needed you for this. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you" Eddie said turning to face him

"I always have your back Eddie" Jamie said, keeping his hands to himself. He couldn't hug her right now, he couldn't make this any better for her, God knows he wanted to but he could and he didn't trust himself to not try and kiss it all way.

"It's getting late" Jamie said

Eddie leaned into him and Jamie lightly wrapped an arm around her.

Jamie stood up to get her a glass of water and walked back over, she stood and took the glass, wiping her eyes. Only a few of the lights were on and Jamie could see Eddie's hair even more golden in the lamp light.

"Thanks" Eddie said taking a sip and setting it down.

She didn't know what but something told her to put her glass down, she did and dropped the blanket and took a step to close the gap between her and Jamie.

"Eddie" Jamie said

Jamie didn't say anything else, everything going through his head told him to step back and run out of his apartment but something in him stood right where he was and leaned closer. Before he knew it Eddie had closed the gap between them.

Eddie leaned up until their lips met. Jamie instantly gave into the kiss against his better judgment. Eddie had one had at the nape of his neck and the other around his waist. Jamie had linked both hands at the small of her back and pulled him closer to her, she arched her back and there was no space between them. Jamie had never felt so attached or connected to someone during a kiss before.

He opened his eyes and saw that Eddie had a few tears coming out of her closed eyes.

"Ed" Jamie moaned and he pulled back. The tears reminded him why she was standing in his apartment in his to big t-shirt and pajama pants. That her father was in the hospital and he was taking advantage of that.

"Please, Jamie" Eddie said moaning into his mouth

They broke their lips apart and their foreheads met.

"Jamie" Eddie said so gently that Jamie could have melted into a pool of goo.

Jamie knew it was wrong but he pulled Eddie closer to him and kissed her, this time with a little more force. Eddie kissed him back, Jamie immediately took dominance and was trying to remember the basic path to his bedroom but they still stood in their original place, he ran one hand up her shirt and the other went to her hip bone.

"No bra?" Jamie asked more of a statement into her mouth

"No" Eddie said

"Mmm" Jamie moaned. Eddie had her hands on the hem of his shirt now and looked in his eyes, she quickly lifted the shirt off and tossed it aside. Jamie felt like he was going on instinct, touching everywhere he wanted to for the two years they had been on patrol. The next thing he knew she was breaking apart their kiss and realized what they were doing.

"Eddie" Jamie said as the next thing he knew Eddie had taken his shirt off of her and she tossed it next to Jamie's and was now standing in front of him topless for the second time that day. Eddie went back to kissing him and put her hand behind his head. Jamie had both of his hands on Eddie's back when he pulled back.

"Jamie?" Eddie asked

"Eddie we can't, it's not right" Jamie said stammering trying to calm himself down

"Jamie please" Eddie said

"Eddie, you, we, partners, can't" Jamie said, instantly regretting the words as they came out of his mouth.

Eddie went to bend down to pick up one of the shirts next to her but at the same time Jamie leaned over to the couch to pick up the blanket and Eddie's chest was right in his face.

"God Janko" Jamie said turning around

"Jamie" Eddie said, on the verge of actual tears. The previous weeks events taking over and now Jamie rejecting her when she needed him the most was the final nail in the coffin of her keeping it together. This wasn't her grief talking, this was her admitting what she had felt for a year a half towards her partner. She couldn't look at him anymore and ran to hid bedroom and slammed the door.

"Eddie?" Jamie said whipping around

He caught he slamming the door and ran a had over his face and mumbled 'fuck' He knew he hurt her. He wasn't sure why he couldn't just go with it, it wasn't like Eddie was stopping him. He wanted it just as much as she did but his not wanting to hurt her only ended up with hurting her more.

He pulled one of the t-shirts on and of course it was the one she had been wearing and even though it was his shirt it still smelled like her lotion.

"Eddie, please open up" Jamie said desperately as he knocked on his bedroom door

"Go away"

"Come on Eddie, it's me" Jamie said dumbly, she obviously knew it was him.

"Eddie please" He said gently

* * *

I hope you all liked it! Don't forget to leave reviews!


	4. Chapter 4

"Eddie, come on let me in" Jamie pleaded

"Eddie, please" Jamie said turning the door knob, wondering why he didn't try it sooner.

"You didn't lock it" Jamie said as he walked in

"Nope" Eddie said sitting on the floor under his window, hugging her knees to her chest.

"Can we talk about this?" Jamie asked as he sat on the floor in front of her

"Let's not" Eddie said "At least it looks like we both found shirts"

"Yea" Jamie said

"Eddie look" Jamie said gently placing a hand on her knee

"Save it Jamie. I really don't need you to tell me that you don't want anything between us. Moment of weakness, laugh about it for a long time right?" Eddie said "I mean you did seem to be enjoying yourself"

"Eddie, listen"

"No Jamie. What is just tell me what you don't like about me ok. I'll go home and we can pretend this never happened"

"Janko"

"No I'm serious what is it? Am I too short? Ass too big? Too bossy? I chew to loud? Too emotional?"

"Eddie there's nothing wrong with you" Jamie said smiling

"Great so then what is it?" Eddie asked

"You really what to go through this tonight?" Jamie asked

"You were the one that said we had to talk" Eddie said

"Yea, but not if it's gonna upset you more" Jamie said

"Oh so now you care about upsetting me?" Eddie asked

"I deserve that" Jamie said moving closer to Eddie "Eddie I didn't mean to hurt you. God that's the last thing I would ever want to do, ever"

"Yea save it Jamie I'm just gonna go home tonight" Eddie said trying to get up

"Just stay, I'll take the couch" Jamie said

"Yea cause I just love awkwardly spending time with you" Eddie said rolling her eyes

"I'm serious, I didn't want to hurt you"

"Then why did you?" Eddie asked

"Alright, Sarge and my brother both told me to keep it in check and that sometimes I have a hero complex and that it can come across as something else at times and to not hurt you. And I guess when things started happening, when it became real, I panicked after you took your shirt off. God Eddie, I wanted that for a long time, but it wasn't the right time"

"It never is with you, is it?" Eddie asked

"Eddie look at me, please" Jamie said gently

"What?" Eddie asked looking up

"I didn't want you to regret it, or think I took advantage of you. You've been through a lot, you haven't had much sleep. I didn't want you to wake up and regret it and think that I used you or took advantage of you in a vulnerable state"

"You think I would throw away our partnership for a one night stand?" Eddie asked

"What, no?" Jamie said

"Then what Jamie? I'm just some girl that can't control her emotions and just throws herself at the first guy that takes care of her?"

"No Eddie, come on you know I'm not like that. What we have is undefined, you know we've gotten really close to the murky waters before and I didn't want to go back there again if it was going to hurt you" Jamie said "I didn't know if you were just trying to forget everything going on or what" Jamie said hoping she wouldn't get overly pissed off at the last part

"Thank you so much for the assumption Jamie" Eddie said getting angry

"So now I'm just your helpless partner that needs sex to forget about her shitty family life, wow how cliché can you get Reagan?" Eddie asked trying to stand up but Jamie tightened the grip on her leg harder

"No Janko, you know that's not what I think"

"Like I said Jamie do you really think I would throw away everything we have for the off chance that us ripping our clothes off and jumping into bed together seemed like a good idea for the night"

"No Eddie and that's why I stopped us. Eddie you're too important to me for it to be a fling or a one night stand. I didn't want to hurt you" He said gently squeezing here knee "I know we have been acting like a couple for the last few days, and I know we keep kidding our selves by saying we're just partners but think about it, would you really have tried to have sex with me if your dad wasn't in the hospital and we had been spending a lot of time together?" Jamie asked her

"I don't know, probably not tonight but I think eventually"

"I think so too, Eddie I'm flying blind here, I think we both are and I think that things got a little complicated. Maybe I shouldn't have stayed at the hospital with you and stuff I don't know, but I really am sorry for hurting you. It was the last thing I ever wanted to do. What Danny and Renzulli said to me, it all kinda made me realize what we were doing and then I didn't know what to do, like I said, flying blind"

"Jamie I never once would have thought you were taking advantage of me, I know you never would"

"I wouldn't Eddie I promise"

"What did what Sarge and Danny say to you freak you out so much?"

"Just that I shouldn't lead you on if I didn't actually have feelings for you and that by me trying to take care of you could confuse us or something" Jamie said

"Jamie can you be honest with me?" Eddie asked

"Of course" Jamie said nodding

"Oh God, here it goes" Eddie said swallowing "Did you just really not want to have sex with me or what you said about not wanting to hurt was true"

Jamie blushed "Alright, cards on the table?" Jamie asked

"Might as well, don't think we can make things more awkward if we tried" Eddie said

Jamie nodded and took a deep breath "What I said about Danny and Sarge telling me was true. I think both of them have figured out that I maybe had more than just partner feelings for you, and what they said about not hurting you and you being vulnerable because of everything with your dad freaked me out a little after you took your shirt off. Then with sharing the bed and walking in on you changing and everyone at the hospital thinking we were a couple it just seemed right. You know, being with you, taking care of you, hanging out with you it made me realize what we were missing out on"

"That didn't answer my question" Eddie said giving him a small smile

"You're killing me Janko, of course I wanted to have sex with you, I just didn't want to hurt you more" Jamie said turning red

"You did?"

"You fishing for compliments now? Cause your boobs were pretty great Janko" Jamie said laying down on his back

"Thanks" Eddie said laughing

"Eddie I really am sorry. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that you could count on me no matter what, especially right now"

"I know Jamie"

"Maybe I should step back for a day or two, let you process what you're feeling"

"Oh, ok" Eddie said sadly

"Eddie?"

"I just don't know if that's what I want either"

"Ok..." Jamie said

"Jamie I've had these feelings for you too, they didn't just happen since my dad is in the hospital"

Jamie didn't say anything, he just gestured for her to continue.

"I really was ok with what we were doing earlier, Jamie I like spending more of this time with you. You've always been there, especially now and maybe it made those feelings stronger. I don't know, but I do know that, that I'm not sure I want to just be partners" Eddie said placing her hand on top of his

They sat their quietly for a while before Eddie spoke up again.

"Jamie" Eddie said

"Yea"

"You know how you said that maybe my dad getting hurt was the chance for us to fix things, for me to finally talk and spend time with him?"

"Yea, I'm gad you did"

"Maybe something else can come out of it, life's short Jamie and I don't, I don't know if I can keep this up, us pretending" Eddie said

"Me either" Jamie said "But I think that we need to wait until things calm down with your dad"

"Oh" Eddie said surprised

"Look I know how you feel and you know how I feel, I just don't want you regretting anything or questioning anything after it's all said and done"

"I guess so"

"I'm still here for you Ed, don't worry about that" Jamie said

"You promise?" Eddie asked

"I promise" Jamie said

"We good Eddie, honestly?" Jamie asked

"Yea, we're good" Eddie said truthfully

"Alright why don't we go to bed" Jamie said

"Ok" Eddie said as Jamie got up

He held out a hand for Eddie and she got up.

"Janko I really am sorry, I didn't mean for you to get hurt" Jamie said

"I know that now. But I just want you to know that I was ok with having sex with you tonight, and I never once thought that you were taking advantage of me and my vulnerable situation"

"Hey come here" Jamie said pulling her in for a hug

Eddie hesitantly hugged him back before relaxing into it and putting her head on his shoulder.

"Jamie you really are the best person I've ever met and the best friend I've ever had" Eddie said

"You too Eddie" Jamie said still hugging her

"Come on, go to bed. You need some sleep" Jamie said guiding her to the bed

Eddie climbed in under the covers and Jamie grabbed one of the pillows and blankets off his bed to take to the couch.

"You can stay you know" Eddie said

"I think it's better we take this slow, that I stay on the couch" Jamie "Need anything, just wake me"

"Goodnight Jamie" Eddie said taking his hand

"Night Eddie" He said squeezing her hand

Jamie went and turned off all the lights in the apartment and laid on the couch with his pillow and blanket for his makeshift bed for the night. He was glad that he and Eddie were able to talk things through, but still felt like there was some awkwardness between them. He figured it was probably a result of him telling her they should wait yet again. How was she so sure of it but he wasn't? He thought back to when his mom was sick and even though it was years ago and he was young, he could see him self getting through it maybe just a little easier if Eddie had been in his life. He rushed things with Sydney when Joe was killed and that clearly didn't help him or their relationship. Maybe it was not wanting to risk that by rushing through things when Eddie's dad was still not out of the woods yet. He really wanted to go tell her all of this but wasn't sure if it was the right time and he really didn't want to wake her up.

He got off the sofa and went over to his bedroom door and knocked lightly.

"Yea" He heard Eddie call out.

"Janko can I come in?"

"Yea"

Jamie opened the door and walked in, he saw Eddie scrolling through her phone.

"You're supposed to be sleeping" Jamie said to her

"So are you" she replied

"Yea well I was thinking" Jamie said

"Here we go" Eddie said "Let me guess the couch is too uncomfortable on your old man back but we can't share a bed so you're gonna go get a hotel in Siberia" Eddie said

"What?" Jamie asked laughing "I'm not old and I don't have an old man back"

"If you say so" Eddie said smirking

"No Eddie I think I thought of why I don't want to this, us" Jamie said gesturing

"You can come sit you know, I'll even keep my top on"

Jamie just rolled his eyes and walked to the side of the bed Eddie wasn't on.

"When Joe was killed, I rushed stuff with Sydney and it clearly didn't end well. And I truly believe it was for the best, I was scared that if we rushed this that it would end the same way. Friendship, tragedy, romantic feelings then jumping the gun" Jamie said

"That's cute you think you'll wear the pants in this relationship" Eddie said

"Eddie, I'm serious" Jamie said

"I know, I just didn't know what to say. You know serious Jamie freaks me out sometimes"

"I just didn't want to rush it and I didn't want to hurt you and I felt like I was rambling earlier"

"We're good Jamie, I still need you. You can't get rid of me that easily, I am in your bed"

"Yea somehow I imagined the first time that happening, I would actually be in the bed with you, with less clothes"

"Yea well keep dreaming Reagan"

"I appreciate you telling me why you didn't want to rush it, aside from you being a boy scout"

"You know you learn a lot about a person when you watch them deal with a sick loved one, and you learn a lot about the other person too"

"Yea what's that?" Jamie asked

"That you'll have my back no matter what, that you'll always be there for me, that just because something bad happens or we have a fight, it doesn't mean that you'll back away and throw in the towel"

"I always have your back Eddie, you should know that"

"I do, and it means a lot Jamie, more than you will ever know"

"Try and get some sleep ok? Playing on your phone won't help" Jamie said

"Goodnight Jamie" Eddie said pointing to the door "And Jamie"

"Yea" He said turning around

"I would've taken the couch if you wanted to your bed"

"I know" he said smiling

* * *

A while later they both had fallen asleep, it was well after midnight when Eddie heard her phone ring.

"Hello" She said instantly waking up, expecting the worst.

"Eddie, It's Henry. I'm sorry to wake you but they had to increase the ventilator. I don't think there's any reason for you to come but I just wanted to let you know"

"Thank you Henry. Are you should I shouldn't come?" Eddie asked all worried

"No, get some more sleep ok. He's doing ok other than that" Henry said

"Alright, if anything else changes..."

"I will call you immediately" Henry finished for her

"Thank you" Eddie said with a shaky voice hanging up, she could feel her eyes misting over. She felt like she had cried more in the last week than she had in her entire life and she hated it.

She didn't know if she should wake Jamie and tell him. He would either be grumpy she hadn't woken him up to tell him or he'd be grumpy that she woke him. She really wanted to tell him so she wrapped herself in Jamie's comforter and walked out to Jamie's living room and saw him passed out on the couch, blanket pulled up to his chin.

"Jamie" She said quietly shaking his shoulder

"Jamie, wake up please. I need you" Eddie said her tears getting dangerously close to falling

"Huh? Eddie? What time is it?" Jamie asked trying to sit up

"After two?"

"What's wrong?" Jamie asked judging by her voice

"Henry just, just called and said that they had to increase his vent, but I shouldn't come" Eddie said a few tears escaping.

"Shh, it's ok" Jamie said sitting up to make room for her on the couch

"I just, Jamie he's getting worse" Eddie said putting her head in her hands

"Maybe they had to do it to help his breathing" Jamie said

"But he had been off of it" Eddie said, her voice cracking

Jamie didn't know what to say or do so he put his arm around her and she leaned into him, much like the night he came over after she killed her first perp. Once she leaned in, wrapped in her blanket, he put his other arm around her and let her cry.

"You just have to believe that everything is gonna be ok, I know it's not easy" Jamie said

"I just don't have a good feeling" Eddie said

"You feel sick?" Jamie asked

"No, just something telling me that it's not ok" Eddie said holding onto him

"Come on, let's get you back to bed ok" Jamie said standing up and taking her with him.

She leaned into him as they walked back to his room.

"You know I would fix this if I could" Jamie said

"I know" Eddie said nodding claiming onto the bed.

"Jamie I know I shouldn't ask this, but could you stay"

"Um, I guess so, yea. I'll sleep in the chair" Jamie said

Eddie just looked at him like he was nuts

"Ed"

"Jamie I promise just sleep. I just don't want to be alone. I feel like I'm losing him" Eddie said

"You're not alone Eddie, not with me. I'm gonna in the chair ok. I'll even put it on your side of the bed" Jamie said walking over to it and moving it

He walked out and got the blanket and pillow from the living room and came back and sat down.

"I don't want you to wake up sore" Eddie said

"I'm good" Jamie said

"Thank you" Eddie said

"Of course, now try and go back to sleep, ok. I'm right here" He said putting his feet up on the bed.

* * *

In the morning they both woke up to Eddie's alarm that she had set to make sure she got to the hospital nice and early.

"How was the chair?" Eddie asked feeling bad

"It was actually not surprisingly bad" Jamie said

"I felt bad"

"You didn't force me to sleep in the chair"

"I know" Eddie said

"You wanna get to your dad early?" Jamie asked

"Yea"

"I was thinking that maybe I'll just drop you off, give you the day with him. Unless you want me to stay" Jamie said getting awkward again

"Um yea I'll just spend the day with him" Eddie said nodding

They got showered and dressed and Jamie made them breakfast before he took her to the hospital.

"If you need anything just call me ok?" Jaime said

"Yea, thanks" Eddie said getting out of the car

Jamie drove back to his apartment wondering when they turned into awkward middle school kids that finally admitted they had a crush on each other, he knew things were going to be a little weird but he wasn't expecting it to be that bad. He was cleaning up the apartment when Danny called him.

"Hey kid how Eddie's dad?" Danny asked

"Um, I'm not sure, they turned the vent up through the night"

"Oh I thought you would have been there early this morning"

"Eddie's already there, I just dropped her off"

"Why? You two have been inseparable"

"We're allowed to be apart Danny"

"I know that, I just figured you would have been with her. What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened?"

"You have a fight? You annoy her too much?"

"It just got a little awkward alright"

"How awkward?" Danny asked

"Enough that it made a difference"

"I just dropped the boys off at practice and Linda's working today, why don't I bring some lunch and we watch some college football"

"You should really watch the boys practice"

"Oh no apparently it's no longer cool to have your parents watch practice. It's a three hour one too. They pretty much jumped out of the car before I parked"

"Danny got rejected" Jamie said laughing

"Just you wait till the first time your kid doesn't want you around, you'll be crying" Danny said

"Doubtful" Jamie said

"Alright well I'll be over shortly" Danny said

* * *

"Morning Dad" Eddie said walking in

But Amrin couldn't answer since he still had the vent in.

"Eddie, oh good you're here" The doctor said walking in "You're father in law watched him the whole night"

"Oh no, he's my partner's grandfather. We're not actually a couple" Eddie said turning bright red

"Oh I'm surprised by that" "But anyway, we increased the vent though the night, but we are hoping to take it out within the hour"

"Ok, and then he'll be able to talk and everything?" Eddie asked

"Yes, I'll be back to check on him"

"Come on dad, you need to get better ok" Eddie said

A little while later the doctor and nurse came in and asked Eddie to leave so they could take the vent out. Once it was out Eddie gave him ice chips and let him relax for a little.

"Dad" Eddie said

"Yes Edit"

"Do you think that mom was your soulmate?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"Well she hasn't been to see you once"

"We're not exactly on good terms"

"No, but I guess what I am trying to ask you is that do you think that without prison and all you two still would have been together?" Eddie asked

"I don't know, I strained our marriage for a while" Armin said "Did something happen to you?"

"No, just Jamie and I talked about the fact that we both have been denying our feelings to each other. But it got me thinking that partners or more I'm not sure there would be anything he could do that would stop me from being at the hospital with him if he ever got hurt"

"Did you tell him that?"

"Not exactly, it's just a little weird between us right now"

"Is that why he's not here?"

"Yea, he thought maybe I should come by myself and I agreed. But he said he'd come later"

"I may be in a hospital bed, but I can still hurt him if you need me to, you will always be my little girl"

"No, nothing like that. We just have to figure some stuff out" Eddie said

A little while later Eddie decided that it was now or never to tell her dad how she really had been feeling all this time.

"Dad?" Eddie said taking his hand in hers

"Yes"

"I wanted to genuinely apologize for ignoring your letters all these years. I was hurt and angry and confused and I didn't know what to do or say. It took a lot for me to come start seeing you and then when they first brought you here, I was so quick to assume the worst, almost like I expected it from you and I hated that I did that"

"Oh Edit, I understand why. I didn't exactly give you any solid ground to believe me on. I want you to know how sorry I am for hurting you, and putting you through all of that. I wish I could take it all back"

"I didn't know if I would ever be able to truly forgive you, but getting to spend this time with you. It made me realize how angry I still was, and how much I missed you. I know it sucks getting beat up and knifed but I think it gave us the time to maybe repair our relationship"

"I never could ask you to forgive me, I know I hurt you too badly for that. I just missed you all these years, but I know I did that to myself. But you coming here and bringing your friends and spending the time. It meant so much to me Edit. I understand if you are still angry"

"I don't think I am" Eddie said truthfully, tears starting to form "I was angry for so long, and it wasn't healthy but I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me, that I am not constantly angry at you. I want a real relationship with you dad. I've missed you" Eddie said Letting a few tears fall and getting up to hug him

"Eddie, I can't begin to tell you how much your forgiveness means to me. It was something I figured would never happen. I didn't deserve it. I don't know how you turned out as wondering and caring as you have but it really makes me happy that you have forgiven me" Armin said

"I love you dad" Eddie said hugging him tight

"I love you too Edit Marie" He said hugging her back

Eddie sat back in her chair and Armin turned to look at her.

"Eddie, if you truly love Jamie don't let anything stand in the way of that. No matter what happens it will be worth it" Armin said

"Thanks dad"

* * *

"So what did you do to mess up?" Danny asked walking in

"Why is it something I did?"

"Cause you told me it was"

"Oh"

"Yea, so spill it"

"I don't know things got a little heated last night and it let to us having to acknowledge our feelings but still not acting on them"

"Heated?" Danny asked smirking

"You need a play-by-play"

"How heated?"

"Some articles of clothing were shed"

"Huh" Danny said smirking

"Don't you dare say I told you so because what you said to me was playing in my head at a really inconvenient time"

"Really?" Danny asked smugly

"Yea like both of us shirtless making out. That's all your getting to" Jamie said

"So you two gonna go back to pretending you don't want to jump into bed with the other"

"You talk to your kids with that mouth?" Jamie asked

"Nope just to you"

"Lucky me"

"Clearly not, you're cranky" Danny said laughing

"I'm gonna kick you out" Jamie said grabbing a slice of pizza

"Calm down" Danny said getting a slice

Jamie filled him in on the rest of the evening with Eddie's dad and how the two of them were going to just take things slow.

* * *

That night Jamie had texted Eddie and told her he was gonna bring dinner and asked what she wanted. He figured if he told her he was bringing it, she wouldn't object to it.

He picked up the requested burgers and made his way to the hospital.

"Hey Mr. Janko" Jamie said walking into his room

"Jamie" Armin said happily

"How are you feeling?"

"Doing ok, doc is still concerned though"

"Well you have to get better, Eddie wants you out here and prison as fast as you can" Jamie said

"Jamie"

Jamie just looked up from setting the burgers on the table

"How do you feel about my daughter?" Armin asked

Jamie just chocked on his drink and turned red.

"Are you alright?"

"Yea" Jamie said catching his breath "I, um, I like Eddie a lot" Jamie said blushing

"Then tell her. I've watched the two of you go to great lengths to act normal with each other the last week and let me tell you, what you two have shouldn't be dictated by the NYPD. Life if short Jamie, people make mistakes, don't let not listening to your heart be one them. You seem like a good kid, you clearly care about my daughter and treat her with the kindness and respect she deserves, don't realize that before it's too late"

"Yes sir" Jamie said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair

"That's all I am going to say, Edit would kill me herself if she knew I said that to her"

"Um, do you happen to know where Eddie is?"

"I think she went to get me extra jello" Armin said

"Perfect" Jamie said opening his burger

"Hey, you're here already, sorry" Eddie said walking in with more green jello than anyone should eat

"Are you trying to glow in the dark?" Jamie asked pointing to the jello

"It has great mouthfeel" Eddie said matter of factly

"Mouthfeel?" Jamie asked her, looking at her like she was crazy

"Yea, mouthfeel. Squishy and soft. It's a thing Reagan, they say it on cooking shows"

"Sure they do" Jamie said handing her the hamburger, still not believing her

They finished eating their dinner and talking when the nurse came in to tell them visiting hours were over.

"Are you gonna stay tonight?" Jamie asked

"No, she is going to leave this hospital again tonight. I'm doing much better" Armin said

"Dad"

"No, you need to get some sleep. We had a really nice day Edit"

"Are you sure?" Eddie asked looking nervous

"I'll be fine. I'm doing better" Armin said

"Well if you're sure" Eddie said "I just want to talk to the doctor before I go"

Jamie waited in the lobby and Eddie walked down looking upset.

"What's wrong?" Jamie asked her

"My dad's in denial"

"About?"

"He thinks he's so much better but he's not. The doctor said he's refusing to believe he could stroke out at any point"

"You want to stay? I stay if you want me to" Jamie said putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you sure, it's still a little" Eddie said stopping and gesturing

"Weird?" Jamie finished for her

"Yea" Eddie said nodding

"Could you, even though, everything"

"I can do that, I told you I'd always have your back Eddie"

They went back up to Armin's room.

"Let me go in, I don't think he's gonna be happy"

"Ok" Jamie said waiting in the hall

"Dad, we're gonna stay ok. Doc said that you aren't doing as well as you think you are"

"Power of positive thinking"

"Dad come on, you promised no more lying"

"I'm not, I truly believe I am going to get better"

"Ok well I am staying tonight then"

"I guess there is no talking you out of it?" Armin asked

"Nope"

Eddie and Jamie moved the chairs around and Eddie fell asleep with her head on Jamie's shoulder, she woke up and moved around so she wasn't half laying on him. It was mostly a quiet night for Armin except they had to add more oxygen throughout the night.

* * *

"Eddie wake up" Jamie said lightly shaking her shoulder

"Yea, I'm awake" Eddie said

"I have to go to church and then I'll just bring dinner here for us. Erin told me I have to show up to something today" Jamie said

"No stay for dinner"

"I can come back"

"No seriously Jamie, go to church and family dinner. I'll be fine"

"Ok, if you're sure. Call me if you need me ok"

"Of course"

"Alright I'm gonna head out" Jamie said

Eddie just nodded and went back to sleep

Jamie went back to his apartment, showered and changed and left for church. He got there right before the priest was supposed to walk up the aisle.

"Cutting it close there son" Frank said as Jamie slid into the pew.

"Sorry" Jamie said

"How's Mr. Janko?" Frank asked

"Not great"

"And Eddie?"

"Hanging in there" Jamie said

They all stood as the music was starting.

After church Jamie went back to Frank's for an early dinner.

They were all sitting around the table and Jamie was on his phone.

"Uncle Jamie, no phones at the table" Nicky said trying to read the text over his shoulder

"You want me to look through your phone?" Jamie asked her, since he caught her out of the corner of his eye

"No" Nicky said grumbling

"But no phones, I got yelled at last week"

"Yea since when do I take orders from you?"

"Cut him some slack" Danny said sitting down

"I told him he could have it out in case something happened with his partner's father" Frank said sitting down

"We had a good conversation yesterday, even if he is a Flyer's fan" Henry said

"Oh no, here we go" Jamie said laughing

"Sometimes good people make bad mistakes" Henry said

* * *

Eddie was playing cards with Armin, he seemed to not be doing as well today but he was still trying.

"Eddie are you going to be ok"

"What do you mean?"

"If I don't make it out of here" Armin said

"Why wouldn't you?"

"My breathing, today. It isn't great"

"Maybe you should rest then, we can continue our game later" Eddie said

"I like sending time with you Edit" Armin said

Eddie didn't like where this was going, this was the bad feeling coming true, she could just tell.

"Dad?"

"Yes"

"Can I lay on the bed with you, like I did when I was little?" Eddie asked

"Of course" Armin said

Eddie laid next to him and started to cry.

"Dad I need you to get better, you can't die ok" Eddie said

"Eddie I've wanted nothing more than to repair our relationship. I'm at peace and I hope you are too"

"What happened to positive thinking?"

"I'm still trying, don't give up on your old man just yet" Armin said

"I love you dad" Eddie said hugging him tightly

"I love you too, Edit" He said kissing her head

"Oh dad" Eddie said still crying

"Don't cry baby girl, we're both ok" He said slurring his words

"Dad?" Eddie asked sitting up

"Dad, no dad. Come on. What's wrong" Eddie said jumping off the bed

The next thing Eddie knew, the monitors were all beeping and nurses and doctors were rushing in. She called the only person she wanted next to her.

* * *

Jamie had a forkful of meat in his mouth when his phone rang.

"It's Eddie" Jamie said swallowing

"So he does get to use his phone" Nicky said rolling her eyes

"Nicky" Erin said giving her a look

Jamie got up from his chair and went in the kitchen to answer it

"Hey Eddie, is everything ok?" Jamie asked

"Jamie, he, I don't know, he was talking and then he was slurring and I don't know. Jamie I can't, I can't do this, I can't lose him" Eddie said sobbing

Jamie could barely understand what she was saying but he got the point that he needed to go.

"Jamie?" Frank asked as he walked back in

"Something happened, she was hysterical on the phone I couldn't make it all out. I gotta go" Jamie said slightly panicking

"Go, I have a shift tonight. I'll bring you guys the leftovers" Linda said

"Call us with an update" Henry said

"I will" Jamie said grabbing his jacket

* * *

Jamie drove as fast as he could to the hospital, he knew Eddie would be proud of how fast he was actually going. He parked and sprinted through up to where Armin's room had been.

"Eddie" He said running into the room

"Jamie" Eddie said getting up from the chair

Jamie immediately enveloped her into a tight hug.

"What happened?" Jamie asked

"Jamie, he," Eddie said between sobs

She couldn't get the words out and was hugging onto Jamie for dear life.

* * *

Hope you all liked this chapter! Enjoy the cliff hanger! Don't forget to review!


	5. Chapter 5

I have no idea about these kind of medical incidents so let's all just take it with a grain of salt!

* * *

"Ok Ed what happened" Jamie asked still hugging her "You gotta use some words here Janko"

"Come on let's sit down" Jamie said walking her over to the chairs

"Alright" Jamie said gently putting one hand on her back and one had on her thigh

"Jamie he, he was saying how he's at peace and it's all he's wanted is my forgiveness and that he was ok with what ever happened. We were just playing cards and he was struggling so I just laid in the bed next to him and he was talking and he, he told me ... that he loved me. And he started slurring and everything, it all just started beeping" Eddie said putting her head in her hands

"Do they know what caused it yet?" Jamie asked

"No they don't, they haven't come out to update me yet" Eddie said shaking her head

"Don't go there" Jamie said

"How can I not?"

"It could just be something minor Eddie"

"A few days after brain surgery and a knife to the stomach?" Eddie asked

"Don't jump to conclusions ok, there's nothing down that road"

"Something just wasn't right Jamie"

"Wanna go see what we can find out?"

"Last time they told us to wait until they came to us"

"Yea well, I'll bat those baby blues then" Jamie said smirking

Eddie just glared at him.

"Ok, no jokes" Jamie said getting up

"Come on" Jamie said holding his hand out

It seemed like the right gesture but after the previous nights incident he wasn't sure. He looked at Eddie and she nodded at took it. They both knew there was no going back, if they could stick together through this, they could make it through anything. They walked over to the nurses station trying to get some information.

"Hi, my father, Armin Janko was taken back for emergency surgery a little while ago I was just wondering if there was any update" Eddie said

"They haven't sent anyone out yet?" The nurse asked

"No, not yet" Eddie said worriedly

"I'll call up and see if I can get an update for you" She said kindly

"Thank you, I appreciate it" Eddie said

Jamie and Eddie went over to the chairs in the waiting area and took a seat.

"No update might be a good thing. If he didn't make it they would be up here already"

"I guess" Eddie said

"I wish there was more I could do for you" Jamie said apologetically

"Just being here is helping" Eddie said

"Ms. Janko" The nurse said walking over

"Yes, how is he?" Eddie said standing up

"He's still in surgery, he had an aneurysm burst. The blood was not draining and it grew since his last MRI at 6am this morning. One of the surgical nurses will be out shortly, right now they are trying to control the bleeding"

"Is he gonna be ok?"

"I can't answer that right now" She said

"Ok"

"We'll be around here" Jamie said

"Someone will be up shortly"

"Thank you" Eddie said sitting back down

"Jamie I don't how much more of this I can handle" Eddie said

"You want anything?" Jamie asked

"I don't know, I don't know what I want" Eddie said

"What ever you want Eddie I'll get it for you" Jamie said

"I appreciate that, I'm just not that hungry" Eddie said

"I am" Jamie said

"Well that's a switch. I interrupt dinner?" Eddie said feeling guilty

"We weren't done eating yet but Linda said she'll bring us some leftovers" Jamie said

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be. I told you I'd come no matter what" Jamie said

"Jamie those dinners are legendary in the NYPD and I messed one up"

"Danny usually does that on his own when he mouths off. I got permission to have my phone out. They all know you're dad's in the hospital"

"I feel like I could throw a temper tantrum. Like I'm annoying myself" Eddie said

"Ok..." Jamie said smirking, trying not to laugh

"Like I don't know what to do with myself"

"That's normal" Jamie said

"None of this is normal" Eddie said

"You wanna go for a walk outside? Get some fresh air?"

"We can't go" Eddie said

"We can leave our cell numbers" Jamie said "I think you need a second away"

"If it was your dad would you really leave?"

"My dad wasn't this bad but he sent me back to work"

"Fine" Eddie said grumbling

They went over and left their numbers with the nurse and Eddie grabbed her purse out of Armin's room before they started walking along the river.

They didn't need to walk, Jamie could tell she was trying to keep it all together and he knew she didn't want to talk. Eddie was walking along the path feeling like the weight of the world was on her shoulders, she knew there were going to be decisions and she didn't know how she was going to make them herself.

"Jamie I need a break" Eddie said spotting a bench

"Ok" Jamie said seeing the bench "You ok?" Jamie asked her

"Yea, just tired" Eddie said sitting on the bench and closing her eyes as she leaned her head on Jamie's shoulder

"Comfy?" He asked smirking at her

"Mmmh" Eddie said mumbling

"You wanna talk about it?" Jamie asked

"Not really" Eddie said not opening her eyes

"Ok" Jamie said not wanting to push her

Jamie felt her head go heavy against her side and realized that she had fallen asleep on him. He moved and put his arm around her and she fit right into the space between his bicep and chest.

A little while later Jamie felt Eddie stir next to him.

"Hey sleepyhead"

"Huh?" Eddie asked looking around

"We're on a bench, you fell asleep"

"I'm cold" Eddie said

Jamie shrugged out of his leather jacket and laid it across Eddie who then put it on properly.

"Now you're gonna be cold" Eddie said

"I'll be fine. Are you warmer?" Jamie asked

"Yes, thank you" Eddie said

"I guess I did need some fresh air"

"I'd take you surfing but it's a little cold for that" Jamie said

"I don't surf"

"I would teach you" Jamie said giving her a goofy grin

"I would die"

"You would be fine" Jamie said

"Sure, you'd be getting a new partner Reagan when I would inevitably break my neck" Eddie said

Jamie didn't say anything but Eddie read his expression question the definition of what they were.

"And you'd have to find another me" Eddie said gesturing with her hands

"I don't think there's another one of you Janko"

"Cause I'm a catch" Eddie said

"Cause you're demanding" Jamie said giving her a fake shocked expression

"Lemanding? Is that a new word they taught you at Harvard. I don't know the meaning of it. Can I have the origin and can you please use it in a sentence"

"You're such a jerk" Jamie said laughing "Lemanding, code word for demanding. Origin- park bench. Sentence- Eddie is lemanding." Jamie said laughing

"I needed that, thank you" Eddie said genuinely laughing "Your sentence skills need some work though" Eddie said laughing and Jamie just rolled his eyes

"Can I talk to you seriously?" Eddie asked, her whole demeanor changing

"Ok course" Jamie said, gesturing for her to continue

"What if I have to act on what he put in his will?" Eddie said

"Oh, that" Jamie said

"Yea, that"

"I'm not sure I'm qualified for this conversation" Jamie said

"As what? If I wanted the medical opinion I would've talked to the doc. Jamie I think you're qualified as a person with an opinion"

"Eddie my opinion on this doesn't matter. Only you can make these decisions" Jamie said

"Well thanks for nothing" Eddie said taking his jacket off

"Janko wait, that came out wrong" Jamie said putting a hand on her arm

"No Jamie, it's fine. I just want to be by myself" Eddie said

"Eddie what I meant was that it's your dad. Your opinion is the only one that matters"

"But we both know I don't always make good decisions" Eddie said as her phone started ringing

"Janko" Eddie said answering it

"Ms. Janko your father is out of surgery"

"We're on our way back!" Eddie yelled and getting up and running back towards the hospital

"Yo Janko wait up" Jamie said jogging behind her

Jamie caught up to her "Why don't you run this fast on patrol?" Jamie asked jogging along side of her

"Shup up" Eddie said

"So what did they say?" Jamie asked her

"He's out of surgery" Eddie said slowing down

"That's good" Jamie said

"Can we talk about this later?" Eddie asked

"Yea, of course. And Eddie I'm with you on this, I didn't mean for it to be like I wanted out on this. I told you I have your back, and I don't plan on letting you down" Jamie said

"Thank you" Eddie said as they closed in towards the hospital doors.

They walked up to the his floor and went to the nurses station.

"Armin Janko, they called and told me he's out of surgery" Eddie said

Jamie was standing behind her, his jacket in one hand and the other on the small of Eddie's back.

"Right this way. Dr. Walden operated on him today, I will take you to his office"

"Dr. Walden" Eddie asked as they walked in

"You must be Eddie?" He asked

"Yea, this is Jamie"

Eddie said as Jamie shook his hand. Jamie just looked at her and turned red, she really didn't know how to interduce him yet.

"Please sit. They had me do the surgery since I have done the most research on aneurysms. Your family had a pretty severe blockage that also caused a stroke. We tried to clear out as much as we could but..."

"But?" Eddie said looking for Jamie's hand

He found hers and took it in his and held onto it tight.

"We believe he's suffered some deficient"

"What kind?" Jamie asked looking at Eddie

"Motor skills and part of what runs the other body systems"

"What does that mean?"

The doctor moved a model of the brain over so he could explain the areas that he meant.

"The area that controls speech is where he had a stroke, that is why he started slurring his words before he went unconscious. Additionally, the aneurysm grew and ruptured, and I'm sorry Eddie but he's currently in a coma. We tried to clip it but it burst before we could even get in there. It was most likely caused by the swelling of the brain, it can accelerate their growth. It has also caused his brain to continue to swell. We took a little more skull but any more would kill him"

"Oh god" Eddie said still trying to process it

"So what happens next?" Jamie asked knowing Eddie was shutting down

"We wait and see but Eddie, I'm so sorry, you really should call any family that might want to see him. We aren't sure if he will wake up and if he does what kind of life it will be"

"So he isn't going to get better?" Eddie asked

"It's very unlikely" The doctor said

"Oh, oh, ok" Eddie said stammering as her free hand played with her circle necklace

"Ed" Jamie said gently

"Um, I need. Yea, out, here, nope, can't" Eddie said trying to get up

"Eddie are you alight?" The doctor asked

"You just told me my father is dying. NO I'M NOT OK" Eddie said yelling

"Janko" Jamie said as he tried to help her get up but she just pushed him away

She took a few wobbly steps before she felt Jamie's arm wrap around her wait steadying her.

Once they were out of the office and tucked away at the end of he hallway Eddie turned to face Jamie. Jamie's heart broke when he saw how upset she was, he couldn't fix this, there was nothing he could say or do to comfort and protect his best friend from this.

"Come here" Jamie said pulling her strongly into a hug

He knew he was basically holding her up with his arms but he didn't care. Eddie has one arm around her back and the other clutching his sweater at his side and was crying into his shoulder.

"Shh, I got you" Jamie said

"Jamie" Eddie said, her voice cracking with emotion

"It sucks Ed, I know it does" Jamie said, he didn't want to feed her the bullshit that everyone fed him over the years when someone he loved died. He hated the it's ok they are in a better place or they are at peace and not suffering or it's ok.

"I got you lambchop, just let it all out" Jamie said using her favorite nickname for him since their first undercover assignment

Eddie just cried harder and held onto his sweater to tight that he was pretty sure she was pinching the skin on his side but didn't have the heart to tell her. He just kept hugging her tighter, hoping to absorb some of her pain.

"Jam...Jamie I don't, we can't. Us, it's us" She said into his chest.

"Um yea" Jamie said not having any idea what she was trying to say

"Words" Eddie said

"Yea they can be hard" Jamie said offering her a small smile

"Why don't we go sit down?" Jamie said

"Wait" Eddie said tugging on his sweater

"Jamie everything you've done for me not only since my dad got beat up but since I've met you it's too good. You're too good of a person for me. You make me a better person even if you drive me absolutely crazy. But Jamie you're my best friend, I don't know what I would do without you. I need you Jamie. I don't think I can get through this without you"

"Eddie" Jamie said

"No I need to say this" Eddie said wiping her tears away

"I, I don't want you to just be Jamie, I want more. I want you Jamie. I need you. You haven't let me down once even when I've been a bitch and pushed you away"

"Eddie" Jamie said again

"Is that you talking?" Eddie said, getting emotional again

"Sorry" Jamie said holding his hands up in defense with a smirk

"Jamie, I know I haven't been the easiest to deal with lately but you've been the best friend that I've ever had and the best person that I've ever known"

Eddie said

Jamie didn't say anything, he was waiting to see if Eddie would give him permission to talk.

"I just needed to tell you that" Eddie said

"Eddie we decided that we would wait till your dad was better" Jamie said

"He's not getting better Jamie, we're all just getting closer to dying. We're all running out of time" Eddie said getting frustrated with herself.

"Um, that's … morbid" Jamie said

"I LOVE YOU JAMIE" Eddie blurted out

She stood there, with her hand on his waist and the other on his forearm waiting to see what he would say.

* * *

So honestly I struggled a little with this chapter, having to write this part was therapeutic, recently my family and I lost a close family friend. Only mid 20s went to school with one of my siblings. I had myself in tears after it so I needed to stop it here.

I need some advice on what you all think. Do you want to see Jamie reciprocate his feelings or stick to the original plan of having them wait till after Eddie's dad was better.

Let me know and don't forget to review!


	6. Chapter 6

_"I LOVE YOU JAMIE" Eddie blurted out_

 _She stood there, with her hand on his waist and the other on his forearm waiting to see what he would say._

Jamie didn't say anything, he just stood there and ran his hand though his hair.

"Oh" Eddie blinked

"Ok"

"I, um, I guess I was out of line. It just came out" Eddie said trying to walk away but she felt Jamie lightly tug her arm

"I get it Jamie, ok. Just let me go" Eddie said

She wished she would have a brain aneurysm and that the floor would just swallow her up. She just told the man she loved that she loved him, her partner, her best friend and there was no joke in the world that would save her from this. She figured Jamie felt the same way since he had yet to say anything. She wasn't expecting him to say it back, that wasn't him. She was impulsive and ran with her heart where Jamie was more guarded and took the time to think things through, not blurt them out like his hair was on fire. Even if he couldn't or didn't want to say it back, she wished he would say something.

"Jamie please" Eddie said trying to shake out of her grip

"Eddie" Jamie said quietly

"As a friend Jamie. God don't have such a big head Reagan" Eddie said hoping he'd buy it, but he knew her too well.

"Janko stop" Jamie said pulling her arm back harder

"What Jamie?" Eddie asked on the brink of tears

"You know what save it. I told you I either go for guys that are off limits or just off. I thought that maybe we could give us a shot, a shot we deserve but it's fine ok. Just go, I'll see you in work when I figure more out with my dad"

"Eddie, I panicked"

"Clearly" Eddie said walking away from him

Jamie stood there dumbfounded and scrubbed a hand over his face. He didn't know how they went from talking a nice walk to her telling him she loved him and him being too stunned to say anything. He pulled out his phone and groaned.

"Is Eddie ok?" Kara answered not bothering to greet him

"NO" Jamie said feeling guilty

"Oh no what happened with her dad?" Kara asked

"It's not about her dad. I fucked up Kar, like badly and I don't know if she'll ever forgive me. I hurt her"

"What happened"

"I don't think I should be the one to tell you. Can you just come and stay with her? She's not speaking to me"

"Of course. But Jamie what ever it is you need to fix it between you too. Get your house in order before you try to fix it with her, but you both need each other" Kara said

"So you're coming?" Jamie asked ignoring Kara's advice

"Yes, I'm getting changed now"

"Thank you" Jamie said hanging up

He walked back over to Armin's room trying to plan out what he would say to her but when he got there all of his language skills disappeared and he got sweaty and nervous. He didn't know why he felt this way, sure he loved her but he couldn't admit it out loud. He was at the door to Armin's room and knocked lightly. Eddie looked up and she had tears streaming down her face and Jamie really hoped they for her dad and not because he caused them. Eddie didn't say anything she just looked away from him while holding her dad's hand.

"Eddie, please" Jamie said

"Eddie" Jamie said walking into the room

"Go away Reagan. I don't want you here, I don't need you here. You made it clear, you have a million and one reasons why you don't want to go out with me and you know what a girl can only get rejected so many times. Maybe I should've kept my feelings to myself but when the hell have I ever done that? If this is some game, see how much I can make Eddie want me? You win Jamie. I can't do this anymore. It's too painful. Maybe we just need a clean break from each other. Maybe we're just toxic together"

"Eddie, I'm" Jamie started before she cut him off

"Save it Jamie. If you ever have or even still care about me please just go. I can't, I can't need you right now. God knows I do but I can't, it hurts too much" Eddie said looking away

"If you need anything promise me you'll call?" Jamie asked

"You won't be my first call" Eddie said

"Oh" Jamie said

"Goodbye Jameson Reagan" Eddie said looking away from him

He walked as fast he could out of the hospital but ran into Kara in the parking garage.

"Jamie?" Kara asked

"Shit" Jamie mumbled to himself

"You look like hell Reagan" Kara said

Jamie could feel angry tears start to form and needed to get out of there before he begged Kara to fix everything. Maybe he and Eddie just weren't meant to be.

"You better get up to her" Jamie said walking away

As Jamie was getting into his car his phone rang, it was Erin so he just sent it straight to voicemail. She proceeded to call him three more times so he figured he needed to answer it.

"WHAT ERIN?" Jamie yelled into the phone

"Are you ok? I was calling to see how Armin and Eddie are" Erin said

"I don't wanna talk about it. I don't wanna talk about anything" Jamie said

"Jamie what happened?" Erin asked gently

"I'm driving home Erin, I have to go" Jamie said hanging up

Jamie stopped his way up to his apartment and tossed his jacket on a chair and laid on the couch. A few seconds later he got up and changed into mesh shorts and went at his punching bag shirtless. He had been punching the bag for awhile when he heard pounding on his door.

"JAMESON HENRY REAGAN YOU OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW" Erin yelled

Jamie didn't move form where he was standing but then he heard her banging.

"Jesus Erin, calm down" Jamie said as he opened the door.

"I've been calling you. You sounded a little unhinged on the phone" Erin said barging in

"I'm busy" Jamie deadpanned

"Yea clearly you had a bad night" Erin said taking in his tired and worn-out expressed atop a sweaty, slumped body.

"I'm fine" Jamie said punching the bag again

Erin just gave him a look that she knew he was lying.

"What do you want Erin?"

"I want to know what's going on with you. What has you so upset and why aren't you with Eddie?"

"We don't need to be together every second of every day"

"No but it's not like you to leave someone when they are upset and Eddie called you upset at dinner"

"She asked me to go" Jamie said shrugging

"So she called you crying and asks you to come but then sends you home?"

"Yea"

"So what are you leaving out?" Erin asked

"What's with all the questions, counselor?" Jamie asked sarcastically

"Jamie what happened. You and Eddie have been inseparable and you cringed when I said her name"

"I fucked up Erin, ok. Like irrevocably fucked up"

"With Eddie? She's been taking your crap for years"

"This time was different"

"How?" Erin asked

"We've spent a lot of time together lately. And she was vulnerable and I tried to stop it"

"You slept with her?" Erin asked shocked

"NO! God I'm not a completely heartless ass"

"I can't help you unless you tell me what happened" Erin said

"I don't want to talk about it" Jamie said getting himself some water

"Did things go a little too far?" Erin asked

"Yes, but we were ok after that. We decided to wait until things were better and calmed down with her dad. I told her I didn't want her to think I was taking advantage of her being upset"

"So then what happened? Danny said you two were really comfortable around each other. Couple like as he put it"

"I guess we essentially were. I was there for her more than Syd was for me when Joe was killed"

"Jamie a year ago you were sitting in my office wondering if you had feelings for her, which you obviously did. Why didn't you act on them"

"She is, was I guess now my best friend and my partner. I couldn't go there" Jamie said

"So you don't want to move the line in the sand so you're just gonna make both of your lives miserable, that's dumb Jamie" Erin said

Jamie sat on the sofa and put his head in his hand.

"She blurted out that she loved me" Jamie said out of no where

"And"

"And I lost the ability to formulate words. Think of your worst cold call in law school and multiple it by a 100"

"Copy that" Erin said nodding and sitting next to him "So you didn't say it back"

"Oh no, I didn't say anything. She tried playing it off but I could see I hurt her. I was trying not to, I figured once her dad was ok we could go on a date and test it, us out"

"So where did that come from then?"

"He's not gonna make it, it's more of a question of when not if. I just never wanted her to think that I was taking advantage of her, that I used her emotional state to get with her or something. And it's just easier helping her as a friend rather than the most important woman in my life"

"I'm sorry to hear that Jamie. It's not easy losing a parent"

"Or a partner" Jamie said sarcastically

"She wants a new one?" Erin asked as Jamie's phone rang

"Kid why did I just get a call from your partner telling me that she will ride with anyone but you?" Renzulli asked him

Jamie just closed his eyes and groaned "You know her she flies off the handle, I'll talk to her"

"Doesn't seem like she wants to talk to you"

"What did she say?" Jamie asked hurt

"Just that you two needed time apart"

"What did you tell her"

"That she needed to sleep on it, that you two are my most successful duo and that she needs to think long and hard"

"She really was ripping you a new one"

"Great" Jamie said leaning against the back of the sofa

"Sarge I gotta go" Jamie said

"You want some hours tomorrow since I'm guessing you won't be spending your time with Eddie"

"Sure. Look I gotta go" Jamie said hanging up

"Tony gonna give you a rip for disrespectfulness?" Erin asked

"If I wanted someone to bust my chops I'd call Danny" Jamie said

"I'm trying to help you" Erin said

"You can't fix this Erin"

"Maybe not but I can talk to you can't I?" Erin asked

"Fine" Jamie said getting up and putting a shirt on since he clearly wasn't going back to boxing

"So talk" He said sitting back down

"Why are you so scared to tell Eddie how you feel about her?" Erin asked

"Talking isn't the same an interrogation" Jamie said

"I'm serious Jamie, what's holding you back from telling her you love her. The wave already came and washed away the line in the sand"

"I don't know if I can help her through losing her dad as anything but partners and that scares me Erin. I don't know how to explain it but when she was crying to me, I was holding her but there was nothing, literally nothing that I could do or say to make her feel better. I wanted to cry seeing her that upset" Jamie said looking away from Erin

"And what does that tell you?" Erin asked smiling

"That I are about my partner" Jamie said

"That you care about Eddie not as your partner. Jamie you were still young when we lost mom, you were still in law school. We were trying to protect you and I think in doing that maybe we shielded you from ever going through that grief process"

"You guys did what you thought was right, I appreciated it"

"Yea but you don't handle death and losing people well and yea you've lost a lot without any say in the matter so why would you willingly lose Eddie?" Erin asked

"I don't want to lose Eddie, but I think I already did" Jamie said feeling his emotions start

"Jamie why are you scared of losing Eddie?"

"Because I love her Er!" Jamie yelled getting off the sofa

"I'm scared that I won't be able to help her through this because I never really dealt with mom's death until recently and that I'll let her down and that's the last thing I want to do. Seeing how sad she is about losing her dad and remember how said I was losing mom and seeing Dad lose the person he loved I don't think I can do that" Jamie said pacing

"Have you ever expressed this to Eddie?"

"God no" Jamie said

"Jamie it's ok to admit you don't want to lose someone you love" Erin said

"Every time I think of telling her how I feel I get clammy and my stomach goes into my throat and voice goes up three octaves, and I..." Jamie said before Erin cut her off

"You spend hours with this woman everyday, risking your lives for each other and you can't tell her how you feel?" Erin asked smirking

"I'm scared she was right, that we are too toxic for each other. It shouldn't be this hard" Jamie said

"Is it worth fighting for? Is Eddie worth fighting for?"

"I'd fight for her the rest of my life if I have to" Jamie said quietly

"Then I'm not the person you need to be talking to" Erin said getting her coat and bag

"Make sure you shower first" Erin said giving him a hug

"Thanks Sis" Jamie said hugging her back

"Be honest with her Jamie, and flowers wouldn't help"

"What do I do? Barge into the hospital room lay it all out and then kiss her?"

"It's one way to sweep a girl off her feet" Erin said "Trust yourself Jamie, trust Eddie and that you two belong together. Sleep on it if you need to, but don't let it end this way Jamie" Erin said as she left

Jamie leaned on his kitchen counter and decided he needed to be honest with Eddie, say his peace and hope that she forgives him. He went and showered, picked up her favorite hot chocolate and got her some flowers and went to the hospital.

* * *

Jamie walked up to Armin's room and saw Eddie half asleep against Kara watching a movie on her phone. He lightly knocked on the door and Kara looked up, it was clear she knew what was going on and it was clear Eddie wanted nothing to do with him.

"Hey" Jamie said quietly

"Visiting hours are over Jamie" Kara said

"I know, and I'll go. But Eddie, please can we talk?" Jamie asked taking a step into the room

When Eddie didn't say anything Jamie continued. "You have every reason in the world to hate me but please Eddie can I talk to you?" Jamie asked hoping the desperation wasn't in his voice

"I don't need you to be here" Eddie said

"I know you don't"

"So go" Eddie said sitting up

"Please Ed, please talk to me and if you still hate me I'll go" Jamie said

"Fine" Eddie said getting up

They walked to the conference room they had eaten dinner in and Jamie closed the door.

"What?" Eddie asked, hands on hips

"Please know how sorry I am for hurting you" Jamie said "I never, God Eddie hurting you, it's the last thing I would ever want to do" Jamie said trying to find his words

"But you did" Eddie said

"I know and I'm really sorry. I was scared Eddie. You terrify me" Jamie said before Eddie cut him off

"Save it Jamie, I have to get back to my dad"

"Please let me say this and I'll go" Jamie said

"Eddie you're amazing, you're fearless, you know what you want and you just fucking go for it. I wish I was more like that but I need to contemplate and overthink and analyze, that's who I am. I never wanted you to think that I was sleeping with you because you were vulnerable and was taking advantage. God here's the hard part. Ok, here it goes. I" Jamie started before he stopped and closed his eyes for a second.

"I still miss my mom a lot and being here with you and watching you go through this pain with your dad it brought up a lot of things I never really bothered to deal with because my siblings overprotected me when my mom died. And hearing you so upset, it literally hurt my chest that you were going through this and there was nothing I could say or do to make it better. Then when you said you loved me, I wanted to say it. I've wanted to tell you how I felt for a long time Eddie, I did. But I was would get clammy and anxious and I could never say it because" Jamie said getting choked up "Because I can't lose you. And I didn't want you out on the street with anyone but me, and I remember how my dad was when my mom died and I want that, I want to feel that for a person and then I felt it for you and terrified me. You scare me Eddie, you're headstrong and passionate and kind and loving and my best friend and I couldn't lose you. I've lost a lot of people I've loved and care about but you, damn Eddie, I can't lose you so I figured I wouldn't have to ever find out how that feels if we were just friends" Jamie said

"Jamie I" Eddie started

"Please, let me finish?" Jamie asked and Eddie nodded

"I never wanted to hurt you, I wanted to protect you and I know you don't need to be protected but, Eddie, I love you. I love you so much that it hurts, that I can't breath and it scares me that I love someone that much. I don't want to be toxic to you, I never want to hurt you. Please Eddie, I promise I will talk to you, not hurt you. Even if you can't look at me the same way, please don't hate me forever" Jamie said taking a step closer to her

Jamie lifted her chin up and kissed her on the lips lightly, really hoping his tears wouldn't fall. When he ran his hand up Eddie's cheek, he felt her tears and momentarily hated himself for causing them.

"I'll go now like I promised, I love you Eddie. I'm sorry I was scared to say it" Jamie said turning towards the door.

"Wait" Eddie said in a small shaky voice

Jamie just looked at her "Who are the flowers for?" Eddie asked

Jamie turned back to her and kissed her. It was deeper and hungrier and needier than their sidewalk kiss. He wanted to never stop kissing her, to make up for how he went all squirrelly. He locked his hands at the small of her back and dipped her back, taking more of her mouth in his.

"I'm sorry" Jamie mumbled into her mouth

Eddie pulled back first and looked at him. "That answer your question?" Jamie asked her and Eddie nodded

"I'm serious Eddie, and I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. I really do love you, and I don't think I can live without you even if you don't want to be my partner" Jamie said

"Jamie" Eddie said grabbing his arm "I'll always love you" Eddie said kissing him again "I forgive you" Eddie said as they pulled back for air

"I'm all in Eddie, I promise. Good and bad" Jamie said

"Why didn't you just talk to me Jamie?" Eddie asked, arms still around his waist

"I didn't know how to say it, and I didn't want to burden you with my crap" Jamie said

"Just talk to me next time, ok?" Eddie asked

"Of course" Jamie said

"How's your dad?" Jamie asked

"No change, he still hasn't woken up" Eddie said shakily

"What can I do?" Jamie asked

"There's nothing you can do" Eddie said sadly

"You want me to stay tonight?" Jamie asked

"I might go home tonight. I don't know if I can stand seeing him like this" Eddie said

"You wanna stay with me? I gotta work tomorrow, 9-6 but you need anything just call me, or if anything changes" Jamie said

"You think it's a good idea?" Eddie asked

"I'll take the couch. I know where're defined but we're not" Jamie said

"Maybe we can just take it slow" Eddie said

"Of course, you're dealing with a lot and I was an ass" Jamie said

"I somehow can't stay mad at you Reagan" Eddie said

"I am sorry" Jamie said

"I forgave you, I'm not still carrying a torch" Eddie said

"Good" Jamie said

"EDDIE COME QUICK" Kara said running into the conference room

"What happened?" Eddie asked running out behind her, with Jamie on her heels.

* * *

I've been struggling with writing and update. I'm sorry! I hope you all liked this chapter. Get ready for some more excitement! Don't forget to review, I love them!


	7. Chapter 7

"Kara what happened?" Eddie said running out of the room, Jamie right behind her

"Docs looking for you" Kara said

"Thank God" Eddie said

"Ed" Kara said gently

"What?" Eddie said closing her eyes as they reached his room

"I think the doctor needs to explain it" Kara said

"Ok" Eddie said looking around for him

"Jamie and I will go sit in the waiting room" Kara said tugging on his arm

"Can you both stay? I don't think I can handle anything else" Eddie said

"So you two?" Kara asked

"We're good, right Ed?" Jamie asked

"We're good Jamie" Eddie said sincerely

"You two still partners, friends, married" Kara asked smirking

"It's up to Eddie, I gotta make sure she still trusts me" Jamie said

"We're taking it slow but somewhere between friends and dating, right?" Eddie said

"Yea" Jamie said smiling

"Alright then" Kara said smiling "I'm glad you two worked it out"

"Me too" Jamie said looking right at Eddie

"Eddie" The doctor said walking over to them

"We can go to my office for privacy"

"No you can say what ever you need to in front of them"

"Why isn't my dad in his room now?" Eddie asked

"We needed to move him to a stricter ICU unit, he needs more care right now than the neuroICU can provide"

"Okay..."

"Eddie he still is trying to wake up but after his last scan it's clear there will be some deficits from the buildup of fluid"

"Meaning?" Eddie said trying to steady herself

Kara and Jamie were on either side of her and each took one of her hands

"Meaning that his speech will mostly likely be affected as well as some motor functions. I also want to warn you Eddie that he is in the beginning states of heart failure because of the fluid buildup, if his body doesn't start clearing faster, the rest of the organs will shut down"

"Oh" Eddie said

"Is there anything else you can do to try and get rid of the fluid?" Jamie asked

"I'm afraid we're running out of options" The doctor said

"Nothing?" Jamie asked, wanting to fix this

"No, we've given diuretics, removed the skull and tried taking pressure off his organs but he was very badly injured"

"Well where can I stay tonight since you moved him?" Eddie asked

"Eddie I am very sorry but you can't"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T" Eddie yelled and Jamie and Kara tightened their grip on her hands so she didn't haul off and punch the doctor

"The ICU unit he is in doesn't allow for ever night visitors due to the seriousness of their conditions"

"All the more reasons I should be here" Eddie said trying to get out of their grip

"I'm sorry Eddie, it's not allowed"

"What if something happens?" Eddie asked

"We will call"

"Fine" Eddie said finally breaking out of Kara's grip but not Jamie's

"Oh sweetie I'm so sorry" Kara said hugging her tight, Jamie put a hand on her back

"I can't leave him" Eddie said into Kara's shoulder

"Jamie do something" Eddie said turning back to him

"Ed I wish I could" Jamie said gently "I'll try Linda, but I don't know if she can do anything" Jamie said stepping back from her and Kara

"Hey Jamie is everything alright?" Linda asked

"Sorry Lin, I know it's late. Eddie's dad got moved to the critical care ICU and they won't let Eddie stay the night with him and she's gonna blow a gasket"

"I'm sorry Jamie, they don't let anyone stay. Those patients are too gravely ill"

"Ok" Jamie said disappointed

"Jamie if her dad's going there it's most likely when not if"

"I kinda put that together" Jamie said

"Is she ready for that?"

"I think she's in denial" Jamie said

"I'm so sorry Jamie, I wish I could get her to stay there but there's no way they will allow it" Linda said

"It's ok, I understand" Jamie said

"If you need anything else just call me" Linda said

"Thanks Linda"

"Ed I'm sorry, Linda can't get them to let you stay" Jamie said after he walked back over

"Ok" Eddie said

"You wanna stay over? I'll take the couch, I promise" Jamie said

"Yea, I don't really want to be alone" Eddie said

"You want me to stay too?" Kara asked

"No I'm ok with Jamie" Eddie said

"I know" Kara said smiling

"I just want to say goodnight to him, even if he is still sleeping" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie and Kara said

They walked over to his new unit and waiting outside the room while Eddie when in Kara decided to have a chat with Jamie.

"We're friends and all Reagan, but you hurt her again and I will cut your penis off" Kara said

"Copy that" Jamie said turning red "We talked, I told her why I was emotionally constipated"

"You better stop messing with her like that, be the good guy I know you are"

"I know" Jamie said nodding

"Hey dad" Eddie said walking over to his bed "I really need to you to get better though the night, ok. You just have to wake up and work on getting this fluid out. I need you dad" Eddie said, voice cracking with emotion. "I'll be back in the morning since they won't let me stay. I love you" Eddie said kissing his cheek

Jamie looked in and saw the sadness radiating from Eddie and it broke his heart. Kara took a step closer to Jamie and he put his arm around her.

"You think she will get through this?" Kara asked him

"I hope so" Jamie said "Linda said it's not good'

"I kinda figured when they moved him here. He was so still the whole time we were there. I think she's in denial"

"I'll talk to her tonight" Jamie said "It's not easy accepting that your parent is dying"

"I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry Jamie" Kara said

Jamie didn't say anything, he just nodded.

"I guess it's time to go" Eddie said walking out to them

Jamie still had one arm around Kara and put the other around Eddie.

"You gonna stay then or do you want me to come over?"

"Can we stay at yours, it's closer" Eddie said

"Sure" Jamie said

Once they were at the parking garage Jamie and Eddie walked to his car after they said goodnight to Kara.

"Jamie you sure you're ok with me staying?" Eddie said

"Yea I am, we're good Eddie. I feel a lot better after telling you everything"

"I'm glad you did"

"I just had a hard time expressing it all. My dad says it's the emotionally constipated side of the family"

"That's an accurate description" Eddie said

"Jamie I don't know what I would do with out you right now" Eddie said

"You don't worry about that, Ed" Jamie said taking her hand

Once they got to Jamie's, he got her bag out of the car and they walked up to his apartment.

"I'm gonna get ready for bed. I promise to keep my top on" Eddie

"Ok" Jamie said nodding with a smirk

Eddie went into the bathroom and got showered and changed and then Jamie did the same.

"Hey Ed come sit" Jamie said as she walked out of the kitchen after they both had showered and changed.

"Thanks for letting me stay Jamie" Eddie said sitting down next to him

"Of course Eddie" Jamie said "I wish I could do more to help"

"I think that when he's released I'm gonna try and go and see him at least one a week, keep building on this" Eddie said. As soon as she said it, Jamie's heart broke.

"Um Ed we should talk, when I talked to Linda she gave me the run down and it doesn't look good"

"What are you talking about?" Eddie asked now facing him

"Eddie" Jamie said closing his eyes

"What Jamie?" Eddie asked eyes searching

"Come here" Jamie said pulling her in for a hug

Eddie hugged him tightly back.

"Eddie I thought that you understood this. God I hate that I'm the one telling you this but Linda said that there's a good chance he won't get better" Jamie said, hugging her tighter

"The doctor said that he just had to get rid of the fluid"

"But that's what he's struggling with" Jamie said gently

"Why are you doing this Jamie?" Eddie said trying to fight him off but Jamie kept hugging her tighter "You were the one that said I need to have faith" Eddie said "You don't know what you're talking about Jamie"

"I wish I was wrong Eddie; but I know what it's like to get your hopes up and I don't want you caught of guard" Jamie said

"Yea Reagan when did you go to medical school? You're wrong Jamie" Eddie said into his chest since he hasn't released her yet but she was still trying to break out of the hug

"I really hope I am Eddie" Jamie said still hugging her

"No stop" Eddie said trying to push off him

She punched his one arm and then started crying.

"I can't lose him" Eddie said going limp in Jamie's arms, crying

Jamie knew that when she stopped fighting him, what he said had registered with her.

"I'm so, so sorry Eddie" Jamie said slowly rocking her back and forth

"Jamie" Eddie said though her sobs

Jamie didn't know what to do or say so he just sat there and held her as tight as he could, hoping that it helped even just the tiniest bit.

"He didn't deserve this" Eddie said still crying

"No he didn't, neither did you" Jamie said quietly

"Shh Ed I got you" Jamie said, feeling her shake in his arms

Eddie wrapped her arms around him and held on as tight as she could.

"He can't die, I won't have anyone" Eddie said

"You got me, I know it's no where near the same. No one can replace my mom but having people that cared about me around helped. Joe basically became my shadow after my mom died. He was there when I needed him and he was there when all I wanted was to be left alone but he knew that I needed him. I'm not going anywhere Ed" Jamie said

Eddie's crying slowed and Jamie moved his hand in small circles on her back.

"It's not fair" Eddie said

"I know it's not" Jamie said

"Jamie I'm tired" Eddie said

"Ok you want anything before bed?" Jamie asked loosening his grip

"I'm gonna go splash some water on my face, can you get me some water to drink?"

"Of course, you know where the towels are" Jamie said

Eddie nodded her head before she stood up. Jamie stood up with her and looked her in the eyes. It wasn't the Eddie he knew, there was a dark look behind her eyes and he realized how exhausted and worn out she actually was.

"You're gonna be ok Eddie" Jamie said rubbing the pad of his thumb on her cheek

"How?"

"I got your back" Jamie said giving her a half smirk

"Thanks" Eddie said giving him a small smile

"Go I'll get your water" Jamie said

Jamie placed his on his coffee table and took Eddie's in and placed it on his nightstand. He grabbed one of his pillows and blankets and went out and tossed them on the couch and pulled the blankets back so his bed was all ready for Eddie.

"No pillow chocolate?" Eddie asked walking into his room

"Jesus Eddie you scared me" Jamie said

"Sorry, I saw you pulling the blankets down" Eddie said smirking

"There's the Eddie I know and love" Jamie said

Eddie just gave him a look.

"I love you Ed, I do" Jamie said

"Who knew that you being such a boy scout would drive me so crazy"

"You? You tell me that all the time" Jamie said smirking

Eddie didn't say anything, she just rolled her eyes.

"Promise you'll talk to me?" Jamie said

"Cause you're so great at it" Eddie said

"I deserve that" Jamie said nodding

"Sorry" Eddie said looking away

"Hey don't apologize, I was an ass. I'm a hell of a lot better at listening and giving advice than I am at taking my own" Jamie said

"It's just like I'm waiting for him to die" Eddie said looking away "You know what I mean?"

"I do, and it's the hardest part. You don't want them to die but at the same time you can't keep seeing them in a state that no one should ever have to experience" Jamie said

"Your mom?" Eddie asked gently

Jamie nodded "She was pretty sick at the end, it sucked seeing her like that. It's not a time I like to remember" Jamie said

"I'm sorry" Eddie said taking his hand

"It was a long time ago" Jamie said

"Still bothers you" Eddie said

"Yea, mostly when I see the people I care about suffering" Jamie said

"You're being emotionally constipated" Eddie said tugging on his arm

"I just don't think it's the right time to unload all the stuff about my mom on you. One of us being a slightly emotional mess is enough" Jamie said

"Yea you already are a mess" Eddie said poking his side

"You're such a jerk" Jamie said as he caught her hand poking him and pulled her to him

Eddie didn't say anything she just stuck her tongue out at him. Jamie leaned in and kissed her hard, he caught Eddie slightly off guard but she instantly gave into the kiss.

After what Eddie thought was all of eternity they pulled back. Her face was flushed, her lips were red and swollen and she looked into Jamie's crystal blue eyes. She started to run her hand up the front of his chest under his shirt.

"Ed?" He asked out of breath

Eddie didn't say anything she just took a step closer and stood up on her toes and kissed him again, Jamie picked her up, clasped his hands under her butt and carried her over to the bed.

"I want you Jamie, I need you" Eddie said as Jamie laid her on the bed

Jamie had one hand under her sweatshirt when Eddie's phone started ringing.

"Damn" Jamie said reaching for her phone on his nightstand and tossed it to her.

"Janko" Eddie said answering the phone slightly out of breath

Jamie sat on the bed next to her and put her his hand on her leg and watched as her facial expression changed.

"WHAT?" Eddie yelled into her phone

"Ed?" Jamie asked quietly, she put her hand up to shush him

"Do I need to come down? What happens next? Can't you do something?" Eddie asked rapidly firing questions off

"Ok, alright. I'll stay here. Are you sure I shouldn't come down?"

"Thank you" Eddie said hanging up

She tossed her phone to Jamie and flopped down onto her back and pulled her knees up and had her feet flat on the bed.

"What did they say?" Jamie asked laying down on his side to face her

"His heart stopped Jamie, they had to resuscitate him" Eddie said feeling tears spring to her eyes

"Oh Ed" Jamie said gently

"He's not getting better" Eddie stated "They said there isn't much else they can do but they won't let me come down and see him" Eddie said

"Maybe it's better you don't see him like this"

"He's my father, Jamie"

"What I mean is that you worked through a lot, maybe you need to hold onto that stuff instead of seeing him suffer" Jamie said

"I need to make sure he knows I forgave him"

"He knows Ed" Jamie said giving her his trademark half-smirk

"How do you know?" Eddie asked

"Because if I've learned anything from being a Reagan is that family will forgive you, no matter how long it takes. You're dad was just so happy to have this time with you, he knows Ed, I really believe it" Jamie said

"You and your damn blind faith"

"That blind faith got me through a lot that I really am not sure how I got through, even if I didn't handle it well" Jamie said

"Ok" Eddie said

"I got someone to cover for me first thing in the morning, I do have to work a few hours though. I also owe some people overtime"

"I really appreciate it Jamie"

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else" Jamie said kissing her forehead "Come on lay the other, get under the covers and get some sleep"

"I was about to have sex, should've known my dad wouldn't approve" Eddie said lightly

"Parents usually love me" Jamie said smirking

"Yea well no one was good enough to date Amrin Janko's daughter"

"My dad would agree with Erin" Jamie said as Eddie got situated in the bed

"I think it's a daddy's girl thing" Eddie said sadly

"He knows how much you love him Eddie, or he wouldn't have come clean"

"Look where it got him" Eddie deadpanned

"There's still a chance"

"An hour ago you said I had to face the music"

"Yea maybe I was harsh" Jamie said

"Or you were trying to give me the truth" Eddie said

"I'm flying blind here Ed, more ways than one" Jamie said

"Me too" Eddie said

"Get some sleep ok?" Jamie said as he tried to get up Eddie pulled on his arm

"Jamie, please. Stay. I don't mean"

"No I know. I'm not going anywhere" Jamie said

"Thank you" Eddie said trying to fight off her tears

"I'm just gonna go get my other pillow and blanket and turn the lights off" Jamie said

Eddie still held on to his arm.

"Ed I'll be right back, I promise" Jamie said kissing her head

"I need you" Eddie said, voice cracking

"Eddie" Jamie said gently

"Shh, don't cry" Jamie said wrapping his arm around her

He was laying on his right side, Eddie was on her left, she had her face buried into his t-shirt and was holding on.

"You need to get some sleep Eddie" Jamie said brushing her hair out of her face

"I can't stop crying" Eddie said

"It's been an emotional week for you, you're tired, you're stressed. It's understandable" Jamie said

"I'll be right back" Jamie said untangling himself from Eddie

He quickly turned the lights off and got his stuff of the couch and went back to his bed. He plopped his pillow down and laid down next to Eddie and put the spare blanket over himself, figure it was better they weren't under the same set of covers.

"Go to sleep Janko" Jamie said quietly as he rubbed her back

"Jamie" Eddie said half asleep

"I'm right here Ed" Jamie said

He saw her cuddle further into his bed and knew that she would hopefully fall asleep. He really wasn't sure how they ended up here. They both knew that it would happen eventually but the fact that they had been existing just the two of them in a hospital furthered it along.

A few hours later it was just shy of seven in the morning when Eddie's phone rang.

"Ed, your phone" Jamie said trying to wake her "Ed get up" Jamie said still trying to wake her. He answered it before they could hang up.

"Hello"

"Yes, sorry this is Eddie's phone. She's still sleeping" Jamie said trying to clear the sleep from his voice

"Oh no" Jamie said closing his eyes

"Yea I'll tell her. We'll be down right away" Jamie said

Jamie hung up and placed the phone back on the nightstand. Eddie was still half laying on his one arm so with his free hand he tried to shake her again.

"Come on Eddie, it's time to get up" Jamie said

"Tired" Eddie mumbled

"Eddie wake up" Jamie said poking her stomach

"You're lucky you look cute when you first wake up" Eddie said opening one eye

"Really?" Jamie asked smiling, delaying the inevitable of what he had to tell her

"The half asleep look is really sexy on you Reagan" Eddie said

"You look pretty cute with your hair all over my pillow" Jamie said

Eddie just smiled at him and he leaned down to kiss her.

"But now we have to get up" Jamie said seriously

"What? Just tell me" Eddie said

"The doc called, he coded again. They got him back but..."

"But it's not good" Eddie finished

"No. I 'm sorry, I saw it was the hospital and you wouldn't wake up and I didn't want you to miss the call"

"Thank you" Eddie said sitting up and running her hands through her hair

"I guess I have some decisions to make today" Eddie said still sitting there

Jamie just looked at her and motioned for her to continue.

"After I kicked you out yesterday the doctor and I talked about DNR and extraordinary measures. That wasn't an easy conversation to do alone" Eddie said

"I'm sorry Janko" Jamie said looking away

"It's ok, it wasn't a decision you could make" Eddie said

"I guess we better go" Eddie said getting up

"Can I make you anything?" Jamie asked

"I'm not really hungry" Eddie said

"Eddie I've seen you eat more at one tour than I have the last few days"

"I'm just too tired to eat" Eddie said

"You get ready, I'll toast some bagels or toast. Whatever is in my freezer" Jamie said

"Fine" Eddie said getting up

Jamie quickly got changed and was already in the kitchen when Eddie walked in.

"Almost ready?" She asked him

"Yea you?"

"All set" Eddie said

"I know I shouldn't ask you but do you have to work today?" Eddie asked

"I do, I got as much covered as I could" Jammie said "I'm sorry"

"It's ok" Eddie said

* * *

Eddie and Jamie had been at the hospital for a little when they had to restart Armin's heart again.

"I can't do it Jamie, I can't tell them to stop trying" Eddie said

"You do what feels right to you" Jamie said sitting in the plastic chair next to Eddie

"I just need him to wake up" Eddie said

Jamie didn't say anything he just put his arm around her and handed her his cup of coffee since she had already finished hers.

Jamie had closed his eyes and was leaning with his head back when he felt Eddie slap his stomach.

"Jeez Janko I'm awake" Jamie said rubbing his eyes

"My dad, he … he opened his eyes" Eddie said getting up

"Dad it's Eddie can you hear me?" Eddie asked him, taking his hand

"Ed" Armin asked groggily

"Yea dad it's me" Eddie said happily

Jamie stayed in the chair but leaned forward, now wide awake.

"How do you feel?" Eddie asked

"I'm ok" Armin said

"Dad" Eddie said, her emotions betraying her

"Sweetheart don't cry" Armin said reaching up to hug her

"I'm just glad you're awake" Eddie said

"Edit" Armin said before Eddie cut him off

"I just wanted to tell you that I forgive you for everything that has happened and I just want you to know how much I love you" Eddie said hugging him tight

"I know, don't worry I know. I love you too Edit Marie" Armin said "I love you so much and I am so sorry for ever hurting you" He said still hugging her

"It's ok dad, it's ok. It's in the past" Eddie said sitting on the side of the bed

"I see Jamie's back with you" Armin said

"It's good to see you sir" Jamie said

"Jamie, promise me that no matter what happens you will take good care of my little girl"

"I promise, I love her" Jamie said getting up from his chair

"I love him too dad" Eddie said as she felt Jamie put a hand on her shoulder

"I know you do sweetheart" Armin said as he began to cough

"Dad, what's wrong?" Eddie asked looking up to the monitors

"I love you Edit" He said before everything started beeping

Before Jamie and Eddie knew it nurses and doctors were rushing in to his room.

"Ed out" Jamie said pulling her out of the room

He walked her down the hall so she wouldn't be able to see or hear what was happening and he did the only thing he could think of. He just stood there and hugged her as tight as he could. He had one had around her back and one hand at the back of her neck, keeping her head to his shoulder.

After a little while Jamie saw the doctor walking towards them and nudged Eddie. She looked up but just put her head on his shoulder. He was basically holding up her whole body weight.

"Eddie, Jamie" The doctor said gently

"How is he?" Jamie asked knowing Eddie couldn't talk

"His lungs are filling with fluid again, causing his heart to stop. These episodes are getting closer and closer together"

"Meaning?" Jamie asked

"Meaning that it's mostly a matter of time"

"How much?"

"Hours, maybe a day" The doctor said

Jamie heard a small squeak come out of Eddie and he tightened his grip on her, trying to shield her from this.

"Is it likely he will wake up?" Jamie asked

"After this attempt to restart his heart he slipped into a coma. Patients sometimes will wake up right before the worst. It's unlikely that he will regain consciousness"

Jamie didn't say anything he just closed his eyes and nodded. He didn't trust himself to look at Eddie without his own emotions betraying him.

"Can we see him?" Jamie asked

"Yes, you may go back in" The doctor said

Jamie said their thanks and led Eddie back to Armin's room.

"You better go" Eddie said quietly looking at her watch

"I'm not leaving you Eddie"

"You have to go to work" Eddie said

"I'll take a rip, I'm not gonna leave you here by yourself. I couldn't"

"I'll be fine" Eddie said

"You really want me to go?" Jamie asked looking at her

Eddie didn't say anything, she just shook her head no and tried fighting off the latest set of tears.

"Then I'm not going anywhere" Jamie said putting his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm gonna go call Renzulli" Jamie said

"Ok" Eddie said getting up and going over to her dad's bed. She laid down next to him took his hand.

Jamie filled Renzulli in on the turn of Armin and he agreed that Jamie should stay and they would handle it. He told Jamie that he would come straight to the hospital as soon as his tour was over.

"Ed is there anyone else you want me to call? I already texted Kara and Hayley"

"Thanks" Eddie said "I don't think I can handle anyone else"

"They both want to come" Jamie said showing her the messages

"No, please. I know they will understand" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said looking back to his phone and firing off messages

"You want me to give you some time?" Jamie asked

Eddie just shook her head no so Jamie went back to his chair.

Time slowly marched on with Jamie having to field texts from his family and their friends from the 12th all wanting to know what Eddie needed and wanted. Jamie never once said anything to her. If she wanted to talk she would tell him. Right now she was content with laying next to her dad in the silence.

Eddie had started dozing off when Armin's machines started being again.

"Dad, dad" Eddie yelled jumping off the bed

Jamie got out her out of the room as everyone started rushing in. She didn't have tears left to cry, she just slumped against Jamie and let him support her.

"Jamie does that hurt him?" Eddie asked

"I don't know" Jamie said quietly

"Am I making them do this for my own hope?" Eddie asked

"I don't know that either" Jamie said

"What the hell do you know" Eddie snapped, Jamie never one taking his arm away from around her waist

"This is a little out of my wheel house" Jamie said

"I know, I'm sorry" Eddie said looking down

"You don't need to keep apologizing" Jamie said

"I just want to make sure I'm not causing him anymore pain" Eddie said

"I'll ask the doc when he comes out" Jamie said and Eddie nodded

"How is he?" Eddie asked as the doctor walked over to them

"He's not good, the more we have to restart his heart the more toll it takes on his body"

"Is it hurting him" Jamie asked for Eddie

"No he can't feel anything right now with the medicine" The doctor said and Eddie nodded

"It's getting harder and longer to bring him back each time we do this. Eddie I'm sorry, we will get to a point where we aren't able to bring him back" The doctor said as they heard beeping coming from Armin's room.

The doctor took off running and Jamie instinctively wrapped his other arm around Eddie.

"I think I have to sign it Jamie, he doesn't deserve this" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said "Are you ready for that"

"Ready to kill my father? No Jamie I'm not" Eddie said getting agitated

"Pops did with my grandma. She had a bad heart and then got pneumonia, there wasn't anything they could do for the fluid. So Pops signed to stop trying to resuscitate her after if happened about four times in a half hour" Jamie said

"How did he do it?"

"From what I remember, he didn't want her to keep suffering. That she wouldn't have wanted us to see her like that or remember her like that" Jamie said, his voice starting to shake

"I think, I think that's what I need to do. I don't want him suffering anymore" Eddie said "What do you think?" Eddie asked

Jamie took a deep breath "Whatever you think it right Eddie, I will support. But if this case I know it may not seem like it but it might be better to stop both of your suffering, his physically and yours of having to see him go through this. It won't make losing him any easier but at least he won't be in pain" Jamie said

"Does it make me a murder?" Eddie asked

"No, God no Ed. You're just not using the extraordinary measures, prolonging the inevitable"

"I can't believe we're at this point" Eddie said

"I know it sucks" Jamie said

"Eddie, Jamie we were able to revive him two more times but he's circling. I'm sorry to be so blunt but I just want to make sure you understand" The doctor said

"I, I think that the next time, the next time everything starts beeping" Eddie said before she stopped and closed her eyes

"Would you like to sign the DNR? You would be able to be in there with him if you choose" The doctor said gently

"Yes" Eddie said so quietly the doctor barely heard her

"I know it doesn't seem it but I believe this is the right call Eddie" The doctor said

"Ok" Eddie said

"Let me go get the documents"

"You sure Eddie?" Jamie asked

"No"

"You want more time to decide?" Jamie asked

"No, he doesn't have it anyway"

"I just want to make sure you aren't going to regret it"

"I guess I'd rather be there with him, have him go quietly than jolting his body trying to restart his heart" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said

"Is that what you would do?"

"I think so given the circumstances" Jamie said

"Alright I'll sign" Eddie said

Jamie just gave her a sad look. "You can't look at me like that Reagan or I will not make it though" Eddie said

"It's my face Janko"

"Well fix it" Eddie said and Jamie gave her a small laugh

"I just really feel for you Ed. I liked your dad" Jamie said

"He liked you too" Eddie said

"Eddie you sure?" The doctor asked walking back over.

"It's been what three times?" Eddie asked

"Four if you count the one in the night"

"I'd rather not cause him any more pain and suffering" Eddie said

"Ok" The doctor said "I'll give you some time" He said handing Eddie the forms

"You ok?" Jamie asked her

"Don't ask me that right now" Eddie said

"Ed don't feel force to sign that if you really don't want to" Jamie said

"He's only suffering more Jamie. I have to" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said

Eddie leaned the clipboard on Jamie's stomach and signed the required documents and when she looked up and Jamie was looking right at her.

"It's ok Ed" Jamie said hugging her

She turned the documents in and walked back into her dad's room.

"It's ok daddy" Eddie said putting her hand on his "I'll be ok. I just don't want to see you in pain" Eddie said

She reached back for Jamie's hand cause she knew he was only a matter of feet from her.

Eddie took Jamie's hand and put it on top of her other one that was on top of her dad's. She looked up at Jamie and saw a tear escape from his eyes. He sniffed and wiped his face with the back of his hand and itched his nose. He then put his arm around Eddie's shoulders, never taking his hand off hers and Armin's.

Eddie looked up and him and he nodded, knowing he couldn't speak. He loved her and she loved him. Her father had just gone through the fight of his life and Jamie was left standing trying to take care of his partner. He wished more than anything that he could make Armin better but he knew that wasn't possible. He also kicked himself for ever thinking that Eddie only had feelings for him because her dad was sick. The small gesture of putting his hand on hers and her dad's proved to him how much she loved him and trusted him. This wasn't a side of Eddie people saw, and she let him in and he silently promised he would do anything and everything he could to take care of Eddie though this time.

"It's ok dad" Eddie said quietly

"I need to sit" Eddie said untangling their hands.

Jamie pulled their chairs up to the bed as close as they could and they sat. Eddie had her left hand intertwined with her dads and her right with Jamie's.

"You doing ok?" Jamie asked finally breaking the silence

"I feel more at peace" Eddie said

"Then you made the right decision" Jamie said kissing her temple

Jamie moved closer and took her right hand with his and had his left hand rubbing her back, all while her left hand never left her dads. They had been listening to the rise and fall of the machines when they stated to beep.

"Dad, daddy?" Eddie asked jumping up

"Oh dad" Eddie said hugging him

Jamie was right behind her with his hand on her back but she shrugged it off so he went and stood in the corner of the room to give her privacy.

A nurse came in and turned off the beeping and the nurse went back out to stand with the doctor.

"I love you dad, I'll always be your little girl" Eddie said crying as she hugged him as tight as she could.

Jamie went eye to eye between Eddie and Armin's machines, ready to jump in as soon as she needed him.

"Bye daddy, I love you" Eddie said though her tears as she saw the flatline on the monitor.

Jamie took a step closer to her as soon as he saw the full flatline. It looked like Eddie was about to start CPR but she kept hugging him, which Jamie was grateful for.

The doctor and nurse came in and Jamie went and put a hand on Eddie's shoulder.

"Time of death 2:04 p.m." The doctor said

As soon as the words were out of his mouth Eddie turned to Jamie and let out a gut wrenching sob and Jamie pulled her as close him as possible.

The nurse started to disconnect the machines and the doctor said he would give them as much time as they needed

"I'm so sorry Eddie" Jamie said as he said in the chair, never letting go of Eddie.

He had one hand around her waist and one hand on her hair, holding her head to his chest as she cried.

He was sobbing and trying to breath so Jamie ran his thumb back and forth over her shoulder. He kissed the top of her head and felt a few of his tears fall. He tried to blink them away but Eddie's sad, gut wrenching sobs went right through his heart.

"Jamie it hurts" Eddie said in between her sobs.

"I'm right here Ed, I got you. I'm not letting go" Jamie said hugging her and letting a few of his tears slip out.

Eddie had her arms around his neck and were clinging tightly to the long sleeve t-shirt he was wearing. She buried her face in the cross between his neck and shoulder and just cried. Not caring who heard or saw. She felt safe enough in Jamie's arms to let go of the emotions she had been harboring for years. Her tears were a mixture of anger and sadness. She was mad that her dad ended like this, that he never got a second chance, that she never got to have more experiences with him. She had never cried this hard in her life, she felt like it was an out of body experience. One she couldn't end but didn't want to continue. She could feel Jamie running his hand on her shoulder and kissing the top of her head, but it only made her cry harder because she knew she could in front of him. She held on tight, as if her life depended on it, which she felt that it did. Her whole world had shattered and she didn't know how to continue.

* * *

Please don't hate me too much! Let me know what you think, this was a lot of emotions for me to write and like Jamie I am emotionally constipated. It was very therapeutic writing this and I hope you will all continue to read through it's end. Don't forget to review!


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you all so much for the great feedback! I am really glad I was able to convey those emotions in writing, it was one of my favorite chapters to write but also one of the most challenging to make sure I captured how she would have been feeling. I am sorry to those of you who I made cry, but I hope that means I wrote it well!

* * *

Jamie sat there contently with Eddie in his lap. Her cried were deep and painful and it hurt Jamie that she was feeling like this, and the best he could do was just sit there with her.

Jamie had felt her slowly stop shaking and grow quieter he realized that she had cried herself to sleep. He wasn't sure if he should just pick her up and leave or wait for the funeral director. He wasn't sure if she wanted to have one last goodbye so he just sat there with her.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we're here for the body" The funeral director said walking into the room

Jamie just nodded.

"Eddie, wake up" Jamie said lightly shaking her shoulder

"What's wrong?" Eddie said bolting awake

"They are here to take your dad" Jamie said gently

"Ok" Eddie said in a small voice, standing up

"Want me to give you a minute?" Jamie asked her

Eddie shook her head yes and Jamie kissed her head and walked out of the room, taking the funeral director with him.

Eddie walked over to the bed and pulled the sheet back and took his hand in hers.

"I love you daddy. I promise to be good. I'm so sorry, sorry this happened to you. I'm gonna miss you" Eddie said kissing his cheek

She squeezed his hand and closed her eyes, feeling more tears escape. "Bye dad" Eddie said quietly "I love you" Eddie said before she pulled the sheet up and walked out of the room.

As soon as she walked out she nodded to the funeral directors who then went in. She spotted Jamie leaning against the wall and all she wanted to do was go over to him and have him wrap his arms around her and let her cry big, ugly tears but Linda, Danny and Frank were standing with hi.

"Eddie, I am so sorry about your dad" Linda said giving her a hug

"Thanks Linda" Eddie said trying to fight her tears

She loved Jamie's family, they all had been supportive but she didn't feel like she could lose it in front of them, especially her boss.

"I'm sorry Janko" Danny said giving her an awkward hug

"Officer Janko, on behalf of the family and the entire NYPD I want to offer my condolences. Take as much time as you need, lean on your friends and especially your partner. If you need anything I'm on the 14th floor" Frank said giving her a small smile and a hug

"Thank you Commissioner" Eddie said, feeling weird hugging her boss

"I'm just Frank today" He said

"Just Eddie, sir" She said

Jamie knew she was struggling to keep it together, he hadn't wanted half of his family to come but they never listened so why start now.

"I guess I should probably head out, I'm not exactly sure what to do" Eddie said looking at her feet

"That's me, I have to go. Eddie if you need anything please let me know" Linda said as her pager went off

"Thank you" Eddie said and gave Linda a hug

"I have to go to too, I'm meeting Baiez" Danny said "You two take care of each other" Danny said

"Eddie I am serious, what ever leave you need or anything else. Pop is already making some dinner for you" Frank said

"Thank you Com.. Frank" Eddie said giving him a small smile

"Take care of your partner Jamie" Frank said to him and Jamie just nodded

"Thanks dad" Jamie said before Frank left

"You ok?" Jamie asked as her cupped his hand around the back of her neck.

Eddie just shook her head no and before she knew it, she was wrapped in Jamie's arms.

Neither one said anything, Jamie just stood firmly planted and took as much as he could from Eddie. She had her head buried in his chest and her arms around his stomach like she was holding on for dear life.

"Is there anything else to do or do you want to go home?" Jamie asked after he had been standing there with her for a few minutes.

"Home" Eddie said in a small voice

"Ok, you ready?" Jamie asked

Eddie didn't say anything, she just shook her head yes.

They were walking back to the parking garage when Jamie asked her which apartment she wanted to go to.

"You wanna go to mine or yours?" Jamie asked

"Mine. But can you stay?" Eddie asked looking up at him

"Of course, I just have to stop at my place and get some clothes" Jamie said

"Ok" Eddie said nodding

"You want anything?" Jamie asked

"No" Eddie said quietly

Jamie figured she wouldn't be up for a lot of talking, but one word answers were very rare for her.

"There's a fresh water in the cup holder. I think you dehydrated yourself today" Jamie said

"Thanks" Eddie said taking the water out of the center of the car

Jamie's phone started ringing so he answered it through his car.

"Reagan" He said

"Jamie it's Erin"

"Hey Er" Jamie said

"Where are you, you sound funny" Erin said

"I'm in the car with Janko" Jamie said looking over at Eddie who really wasn't paying any attention

"Ok well Pop already has dinner made, you want me to drop it off at your place?"

"Um actually I'm staying the night at Eddie's. She didn't want to be alone" Jamie said, hoping Erin didn't ask anymore questions. He knew that they figured there was more going on but he was too drained to get into it.

"I can drop it there if you two want" Erin said

Jamie looked over at Eddie who just nodded.

"Yea that would be great sis" Jamie said "We just going to my place to grab clothes and then we're going back to hers"

"Ok, just text me when you get back to Eddie's and I'll go to dad's to get it and drop it off"

"Thanks Erin " Jamie said hanging up

Jamie pulled up to his apartment complex and parked.

"You wanna here or come in?" Jamie asked her

"Stay" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said taking his apartment key off his car key "I'll leave it on. I'll only be a minute" Jamie said

Eddie just nodded.

Jamie booked it up the stairs, not bothering to wait for the elevator. He grabbed his duffle and threw in clean clothes that he hoped matched, took his laptop of the table and grabbed his toiletries. He would stay as long as she needed him to but it wasn't far if he needed to come back and get stuff. Eddie had left some stuff so he grabbed that too incase she needed it. He took the stairs back down and walked back to his car and opened the door. He popped the trunk and tossed his bag in and got in the drivers side.

"You sure you don't want food or anything before we go to your place?" Jamie asked

"I don't think I could stomach food right now" Eddie said

"You need to eat something" Jamie said

"Please just stop" Eddie said leaning her head against the window

"Ok, sorry" Jamie said and just turned the radio up a little so it wasn't so quiet

He drove through New York and finally parked at Eddie's complex next to her car.

"Wake up Ed, we're here" Jamie said nudging her

Eddie stirred and Jamie got out of his side and then grabbed his bag and opened the door for her.

"Come on shorty" Jamie said waiting for her to get out

Eddie climbed out and started to get her keys out of her bag. They went up without saying a word and Jamie set his bag down next to the kitchen table. He washed up and then opened her fridge and freezer and saw she hardly had any food. He texted Erin to get some basics. Eddie came in and sat on the couch, never saying a word.

"I'm gonna go shower" Eddie announced getting up

"Ok" Jamie said

With Eddie in the shower Jamie put away some dishes that had been in the drain board and sorted through her mail of stuff that looked important, junk and stuff he didn't know if she would want and laid it all out on the table for her. She hadn't been home much at all since Armin had gone into the hospital.

Jamie went and tossed one of his old Harvard sweatshirts on the bed for her. She liked wearing his sweatshirts so he thought maybe it would bring her some comfort.

Eddie walked across her apartment to her bathroom and it seemed to take her forever. Everything seemed to tax her, she couldn't shake this tired feeling, feeling like no amount of sleep would cure it. She knew she had cried basically the entire day, she felt like she needed to cry more but was just too exhausted, just undressing to step into the shower was exhausting. She stood there, letting the hot water run across her shoulders and back. Nope still couldn't cry, when her dad had first been arrested she had only allowed herself to cry in the shower, no one could hear her and was she really crying if her tears were mixed with water? Nope, it was just the spray from the shower, not tears. She knew Jamie was giving her space, she didn't want to talk or eat; both activities were too difficult and required too much effort and thankfully he respected that.

Once she felt like she had gotten all of the conditioner out of her and rinsed all the bodywash off her she turned the water off and wrapped herself in the fluffiest towel she had and walked into her room and smiled when she saw Jamie's sweatshirt on her bed.

She walked over to her bedroom door and opened it.

"Feel free to shower" Eddie said to Jamie, she knew he was somewhere in her apartment

"Ok thanks" She heard Jamie call out from somewhere

Eddie had gotten the comfiest clothes she owned out and set them on the bed, and brushed her hair out before laying down next to Jamie's zip-up Harvard Jacket. She fingered the worn-in cuff and just laid in her towel, unable to move. She looked over at her nightstand to see what time it was and saw a picture of her and her dad and she felt the tears come back.

"Oh dad" Eddie said quietly

She hugged her pillow as her tears fell, she couldn't stop them and she didn't want to. She didn't know how she could have that much anger and sadness in such a short body but she did and she didn't know how to get rid of it.

Not long after Jamie had gotten into the shower did she hear the water go off. Leave it to him to take the appropriate amount of time to shower and no more. Shortly after the water turned off she heard a soft knock on her bedroom door. She could barely hear it over her tears, she knew if she tried to talk that only loud sobs would come out so when Jamie knocked again she didn't say anything.

"Eddie can I come in?" Jamie asked

"Please Ed" Jamie said cracking the door open

When he didn't get yelled at for her changing or anything he pushed it open the rest of the way and saw her laying on the bed, still clad in her towel, hugging her pillow with her hair spread all around her.

"Eddie" Jamie said gently

Eddie turned her head and looked at him, Jamie's heart instantly went out to her when he saw her like that. It was hard for him to see his best friend this distraught but he knew what it felt like.

"Aww Eddie" Jamie said sitting on the bed "Can I lay next to you?" He asked, not wanting to scare her

Eddie didn't talk but gave an awkward head nod. Jamie took the other pillow and laid in further down the bed to match where Eddie's was. He laid down on his side and looked at her. She used the pad of his thumb to wipe away form tears and brushed her hair away from her face.

"Nice jacket" Jamie said which earned him the smallest of smiles from Eddie. She had gotten cold, but unable to move she just draped it over her back.

"Why don't you put some clothes on so you don't get cold"

Eddie nodded an Jamie got up off the bed. He held a hand out to help her up, with her one hand still holding up her towel she pulled herself up with the other one.

"You ok?" Jamie asked as she got her balance

"Yea" Eddie said

"Janko I'm not gonna dress you, I mean I will if you really can't but like I don't think I should" Jamie said stammering

"I got it" Eddie said picking up the sports bra and underwear that were on her bed

Jamie turned around to leave when he heard Eddie let out a small "oh"

"I was just giving you time to change, you want me just to wait?" Jamie asked

"Please" Eddie said

"You got it" Jamie said keeping his back to her

"I'm good" Eddie said as she put on Jamie's zip-up

She laid back down on her bed with enough room for Jamie.

"Want me to lay with you again?" Jamie asked

"Yes please" Eddie said

"I'm so sorry Eddie" Jamie said cupping her cheek. Eddie just blinked. She was trying to suppress the deepest of her cries, she didn't want Jamie to see her like that.

He didn't know what to say or do, he remembered just wanting to be left alone when his mom died but Joe made that damn near impossible and he was secretly grateful he didn't have to do it alone.

"I don't wanna push Eddie but you have hardly said two words since we got back"

"I can't" Eddie said so quietly that if Jamie's face wasn't next to hers, he wouldn't have heard.

"Ok, I just you to know you can talk to me" Jamie said

Eddie just closed her eyes, Jamie being next to her and saying all the right things were going to make those deep sobs escape and she couldn't let me because she was terrified that if she started crying like that she would never stop.

"I think I take back all those times I told you to shut up on tour" Jamie said giving her a smirk

"Please just say something, it's freaking me out" Jamie said

"I...I can't" Eddie said, feeling a sob rise inside of her

"Don't be afraid to cry in front of me, Eddie. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere" Jamie said putting a hand on her waist and absentmindedly running his fingers on it

"Jamie" Eddie said before her sobbing started

As soon as Eddie said his name she let out a pained sob.

"Janko" Jamie said quietly as he sat up and pulled Eddie with him as he leaned against her headboard.

"Whatever you're feeling Eddie let it out, I got you" Jamie said as Eddie curled into a ball, half sprawled against him and clutched his shirt as she cried.

Jamie held her, one hand around her lower back and one running his hand through her hair.

"It's ok, get it all out" He said soothingly

Eddie just held on for dear life and let her deepest of cries out, now no longer caring what Jamie thought.

Eddie was getting more distressed and it was alarming to Jamie. She started to uncurl herself from the ball she had formed.

"It hurts Jamie" She cried

"I'm sorry" Jamie said rubbing his hand on her back

"It just hurts so much" Eddie said clutching her chest

Jamie laid her flat on her back and used the heel on his hand on her sternum and moved it in circular motions on her chest, hoping to stop her hyperventilating.

"Shhh, you're gonna make yourself sick" Jamie tried to soothe

He kissed the top of her head as he moved the heel of his hand around in small circles. She was still crying but at least she seemed to be getting more air.

She was still crying and Jamie didn't know what to do so he did what Sean liked when he was a baby, Jamie then moved his hand to her belly and started to rub her stomach. It used to soothe Sean and he hoped it would work on Eddie since nothing else was.

"What can I do for you?" Jamie asked her

"Nothing, there's nothing that can make this better. I was terrible to him for years and yea what he did was bad and illegal but he was my dad Jamie and I just flat out refused to acknowledge it" Eddie said in between her sobs

"You were hurt, you were protecting yourself" Jamie said

"But I lost so much time with him. Maybe, maybe if I had been around more he would have told me, you know?"

"Ed this isn't your fault, there's nothing down that road. There's always cameras and recording stuff you know he wouldn't have said anything to you about it"

"Maybe if I had pushed..."

"You were his daughter he want going to unload all that on your, he wanted to protect you and keep you safe"

"I'm A cop Jamie"

"Yea but your his daughter, to him you were still the little girl that needed her daddy. My dad still treats me like a little kid half the time before Pop reminds him I'm a grown up in the NYPD"

"I just always thought things would get better when he got out. I never thought..." Eddie said stopping herself as she felt more tears form

"You never thought he wouldn't get out" Jamie finished for her

Eddie just nodded her head and closed her eyes.

"You can't keep all this bottled in" Jamie said

Eddie didn't say anything but she let out a small laugh and gave him a look as she wiped her eyes.

"Why do you think I know exactly what not to do?" Jamie said

"I just don't wanna move or do anything but at the same time I don't wanna just lay here and do nothing. I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin"

"That's normal" Jamie said

"Nothing about this is normal" Eddie said

"It really sucks" Jamie said

"Ha, yea it does" Eddie said

"Do you wanna try and get some sleep? Food? Movie? I don't know what to do for you, I'm usually on the other side" Jamie said

"Did you like incessant questions? Cause your kinda smothering me" Eddie said

"No I didn't but being annoyed with someone there for you in better than being annoyed and pushing everyone away. I told you, you can push back all you want but I'm here, I can take it" Jamie said giving her a hug

"Thanks" Eddie said putting her head on his arm "Were your emotions just all over the place, like you didn't know if you wanted to laugh or cry or punch something?"

"Yea pretty much" Jamie said

"What did you do?" Eddie asked

"When my mom died I pushed everyone away but Joe, God, he was the worlds biggest pain in my ass. I was lucky he let me pee and shower on my own. I came home from law school and took a few weeks off and even then he came up with me after and spent a few days. I don't even know how I got through it, I guess just get through the day and then the night and then the next day"

"Is that your go to advice?" Eddie asked

"Yes" Jamie said giving her a smile

"Does the pain ever go away?" Eddie asked

"It lessens over time" Jamie said "I got to spend the last two weeks with my mom and it was the hardest thing I've ever done, taking care of her being so sick it was scary and sad but I wouldn't have traded that time with her for anything. I think that's how you have to look the time with your dad, it sucks that he's gone but you need to just think of the good times, how you repaired your relationship" Jamie said

Eddie rolled so her head was laying on Jamie's arm and she was laying on her side facing him and Jamie put his arm over her side.

"I just don't know what to do" Eddie said

"It's the worst part, you'll have to start funeral stuff tomorrow" Jamie said

"I know, but like whose gonna go?" Eddie asked

"I'll be there, my family will be there, the 12th precinct; you won't be alone" Jamie said

"Thank you" Eddie said closing her eyes

"Why don't you try and take a nap? I don't know how you're still awake" Jamie said

"Will you stay?" Eddie asked

"I'm not going anywhere" Jamie said lifting her chin to meet his

Eddie didn't say anything, she just nodded as she felt more tears form.

"Hey, shh, no more crying. Try and get some sleep" Jamie said as he brushed away the few that fell

He lightly ran his fingers through her hair and whispered "I love you Janko". Eddie didn't say anything but she cuddled closer into Jamie and he tightened his arm around her.

"It'll be ok, I know you handle it" He said quietly

Once he was sure she was asleep, he closed his own eyes and prayed that Eddie would have the strength and that he would have the guidance to help her. He didn't pray often, but Pop still swore by it and Jamie figured Eddie could use all the help she could get.

Jamie had fallen asleep with Eddie passed out in his arms and, to him, it seemed like he had just closed his eyes when he heard his phone.

"Shit, shit" Jamie said searching around his hips for it before he remembered he put it on the nightstand

"Reagan" He asked still half asleep

"It's Erin, I'm on my way over to Dad's now, with rush hour traffic I should get to Eddie's in about forty-five minutes. How's she doing?"

"She's asleep now, pretty much cried herself to sleep"

"I know someone else like that" Erin said

"I was just glad she was able to fall asleep, I know she hasn't slept much lately. She hasn't had an appetite so I'm not sure if she will be hungry"

"Pop made her a quiche, lasagna and some chicken noodle soup"

"He's the best" Jamie said

"He was happy to do it" Erin said

"She needs all the support she can get right now. We all had each other, I mean she has her friends and stuff but I couldn't have gotten through mom's death without the three of you, especially Joe" Jamie said

"We made him practically become your shadow since you weren't overly expressive with your feelings

"Yea and I hated it, but it helped" Jamie said

"Just stick with Eddie, help her through" Erin said

"I will. I love her Erin" Jamie said smiling to himself

"I know you do, it's about damn time you admitted it" Erin said

"Here we go" Jamie said rolling his eyes "I'm gonna go so I don't wake Eddie, I'll wake her for dinner when you get here. What time is it anyway?" Jamie asked

"6:30" Erin said

"Wow, we've been asleep for at least three hours"

"I'm sure you both needed it" Erin said

"Apparently"

"Jamie, just promise me that if you need someone to talk about mom and helping Eddie that you'll reach out to one of us"

"I promise, sis" Jamie said

"Alright, I'll text you when I get to Eddie's. Just send me the address" Erin said

"Will do thanks Er" Jamie said

He hung up with Erin and sent her the address and rolled back so he was facing Eddie with his arm around her

A little while later he started to feel Eddie stir under his arm, his eyes fluttered open as he saw her scrubbing them.

"Ed?" He asked slightly out of it still

"I'm ok" She said, voice wavering

"Talk to me" Jamie said

"I thought I would wake up and it would just be a bad dream" Eddie said

"I wish that were true" Jamie said hugging her "Erin will be here with dinner soon. Pop made extra so you can freeze the rest" Jamie said, no sooner had he gotten the words out when Eddie started to cry

"Ed, hey look at me Janko" Jamie said gently, trying to get her head unburied from the pillow. "What is it?"

"Pop didn't have to go to all that trouble" She said sniffling

"He wanted to, he was more than happy to do it. Anything to help you and make you feel better"

"It just makes me realize how alone I am" Eddie said, voice cracking

"You got me, and with me you get my entire family, good or bad as that might be. I hope that you'll just us for dinner now" Jamie said

"Don't you think it's a little soon?"

"I told you Eddie, I'm all in" Jamie said kissing her head

"I needed that, I need you. I love your family Jamie" Eddie said giving him a small smile

"It'll get easier, you'll feel less abandoned, I promise. It's all normal and to question everything you thought you knew. It's ok" Jamie said

"I don't know what I would do without you" Eddie said

"You'd be ok, you're strong. I just want you to believe in yourself as much as I believe in you" Jamie said

"Thank you" Eddie said as her door buzzed, still curled against Jamie.

"Food's here" Jamie said untangling himself from Eddie.

* * *

I wanted to get this next update out! I'm not sure how many chapters will be left, as I haven't written them yet but I wanted to explore more of both Eddie and Jamie's reactions. My family has a lot planned and my siblings and cousins will all be together for the holiday weekend, so I am not sure when I will update next. It might not be until late next week. Don't forget to review, Happy 4th of July!


	9. Chapter 9

"Eddie I'm really sorry about your dad. If there's anything you need just let me know" Erin said as soon as she handed Jamie the bags of food

"Thanks Erin, I really appreciate it" Eddie said

"I'm gonna head out, I'm sure you're tired. Pop said to freeze the rest and let him know if you have any requests"

"Thanks Erin" Jamie said giving his sister a kiss on the cheek after he put the bags down

"Thanks again Erin" Eddie said

"Of course Eddie, you're family" Erin said looking over to Jamie

"Bye Sis" Jamie said ushering her to the door

"If you need anything just let me know" Erin said

"Yes Er" Jamie said rolling his eyes

After Erin left Jamie went back into the kitchen and pulled out the soup and pasta that Henry had made.

"It smells so good but I don't think I'm hungry" Eddie said

"You need to eat a little" Jamie said scooping a small amount of soup into a bowl for her

"I just don't know what to do with myself"

"That's normal, you don't want to do anything you feel like you want to jump out of your skin..." Jamie said looking up at Eddie who just nodded her head

"Come here" Jamie said gently as he pulled her in for a hug

"Just do as much as you think you can, but you do need to eat something" Jamie said

"Kara texted me to make sure I ate today" Eddie said

"See" Jamie said

"I just want to go crawl in bed and do nothing and talk to no one" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said nodding as he carried the still hot bowl of soup into her bedroom

She followed me him like a lost puppy and just stood there.

"Get in, it's your bed. I don't care if you spill soup all over it" Jamie said with a smirk

Eddie climbed in under the blankets and took the bowl from Jamie and slowly ate some soup.

"You need some too" Eddie said

"I know I was making sure you were ok first" Jamie said sitting on the side of the bed next to her

"Thanks" Eddie said putting the spoon to her mouth

"I'll go put the rest of it away and get mine" Jamie said

Eddie just nodded and continued eating.

He ladled some into a bowel for himself and put the rest in the fridge and the other food in the freezer, per Henry's instructions.

"Am I allowed to eat in your bed too?" Jamie asked smiling as he walked in

"Yea" Eddie said giving him a small smile

Jamie handed Eddie his bowl and climbed in next to her.

"Thanks" He said taking it back from her

"Can Henry teach me to cook properly. He's spoiled me the last few weeks" Eddie said

"Of course he will" Jamie said kissing the top of her head

They ate somewhat in silence, Eddie not having enough energy.

"You want more?" Jamie asked her as he saw she finished

"It was good but my stomach is still a little off" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said finishing up his soup "Why don't you get some sleep. I know it'll be a hard day tomorrow" Jamie said

"Kara is going with me so I won't be alone"

"I'm sorry I couldn't get anyone to cover for me" Jamie said

"It's ok, I understand" Eddie said

"Go to sleep ok?" Jamie said kissing the top of her head

"Don't leave me?" Eddie asked

"I'm not going anywhere" Jamie said

Eddie just nodded and tried to close her eyes.

"It's ok Ed" Jamie said gently as she cuddled into him

* * *

The next morning Jamie had woken up before Eddie so he laid there playing on his phone when she started thrashing next to him.

"Eddie" Jamie said

"Janko wake up" Jamie said a little louder and shaking her

Eddie mumbled incoherently but Jamie could tell she was in distress.

"Eddie come on, wake up for me" Jamie said

"NO, NO" Eddie said

"Eddie it's Jamie, you're safe" Jamie said sitting up, still trying to wake her

Eddie's eyes popped open and she looked directly into Jamie's.

"Eddie, it's me, Jamie" He said gently

"Jamie" Eddie said starting to wake up

"Yea, something spooked you"

"Oh God it was horrible" Eddie mumbled as she started to cry

"What? Eddie? Come on talk to me" Jamie said pulling her into a hug and tossing the pillow aside

Eddie just shook her head and laid it on Jamie's chest and she cried. Jamie wasn't good with dealing with death, God knows he never fully processed Joe's or his mother's and now Eddie needed him and he wasn't sure what to do.

"It's ok" Jamie soothed into her hair as she cried

"Jam, Jamie he was stabbed and I couldn't do anything about it. I froze" Eddie said still crying

"Eddie you did everything you could to help him, it happened after you already left the room" Jamie said

"But, but"

"It was a dream Janko" Jamie said quietly

"But he's gone" Eddie said still crying "And I couldn't do anything"

Jamie pulled her a little tighter to him, "You did everything you could Eddie"

"It wasn't enough"

"Sometimes love isn't enough to keep the people we love around and it sucks and it's terrible" Jamie said

Eddie didn't say anything she just nodded into his chest.

"How, how did you get through it?" Eddie asked

Jamie stiffened and cleared his throat. "Um I guess I really didn't deal with things well which I think you already know. But I was angry and moody and emotional and I just had to process through all that. You just have to let yourself go through what ever emotions you're feeling. That I learned the hard way. But talking about my mom and Joe it hurt in the beginning but now it's ok, I like talking about them now. It helps me know I won't ever forget them but it's ok to sad or angry or whatever" Jamie said

"Does it get easier?" Eddie asked in a small voice

"It does, it takes time and it's different for everyone but it does. In the beginning anytime someone brought up mom or Joe I thought I was going to throw up" Jamie said

"Maybe if I had done something differently, you know, he would still be here" Eddie said

"Eddie this isn't your fault" Jamie said bringing up face up to meet his

"Why does it feel that way?" Eddie said slumping against him

"I don't know, but it's not Eddie. You got to repair your relationship even if it wasn't perfect. You can't feel guilty over what happened before you were hurt and he knew that. Don't regret the time you had with him the last few weeks" Jamie said

"I know" Eddie said

"Can I get you anything?" Jamie asked her

"No" Eddie said sadly

"Why don't we get up for a little, go for a walk or something?" Jamie asked her

"Don't you have tour?" Eddie

"Afternoon tour, I'm all yours this morning" Jamie said

"Jamie" Eddie said quietly

"Yea" Jamie said

"Thank you, I don't know how I would be able to do any of this without you" Eddie said quietly

"Of course Eddie. Come on why don't we get up and walk to breakfast, the café place around the corner you like?"

"Yes" Eddie said giving him a small smile

After they showered and dressed they started walking down Eddie's street to the café that she had introduced Jamie to that they now both loved.

As they were walking Jamie's hand brushed against hers and he took her hand in his. Eddie looked up at him but didn't pull back.

"Sorry was that ok?" Jamie asked her

"Yea" Eddie said offering a small smile

"You wanna go eat across the street in the park or eat in there?" Jamie asked her

"Park" Eddie said

After they placed their orders for their meals and coffee they started to walk across the street to the park.

"I should've treated you, you have done more than enough for me lately" Eddie said

"I don't mind Eddie" Jamie said as they found a table with an umbrella.

"Thanks" Eddie said

They popped open their take out containers and before Eddie could take a bite Jamie took a deep breath.

"Hey Eddie" Jamie said quietly

"Yea" Eddie said as Jamie took her hand

"I love you Eddie" Jamie said smiling "And I'm all in, now or later. Whatever you want, whenever you're ready" Jamie said

"Jamie" Eddie said quietly with tears in her eyes

"I know I don't have great timing and I know we've been messy and complicated and I know I don't need any reminder of how short and unexpected life can be but Eddie I couldn't play it off any more, I don't want to. You're more than my best friend" Jamie said sheepishly, turning slightly red "And if this isn't something you want now, it's ok"

"Jamie, I already told you I love you" Eddie said standing up "You've always been more than my best friend. I need you Reagan, I don't know what I would do without you" Eddie said brushing a tear away

"We gonna give us a shot?" Jamie asked standing up

"Yea" Eddie said getting up and giving him a hug

She wrapped her smaller arms around his waist and put her head on his chest and had one hand behind her head and the other around the middle of her back.

"Hey Ed" Jamie said

"Yea" Eddie said looking up

Jamie crashed his lips against hers, her mouth opening in surprise but then quickly deepening the kiss. He had one hand under her chin and moved the other up under her jacket and she had one hand on his chest and the other at his lower back.

They broke their kiss for air and when Eddie pulled back she looked up at Jamie.

"What?" Jamie asked her slightly concerned that was the wrong thing to do. "Hey whoa you're crying" He said swiping his thumb under her eye

"Ha yea" Eddie said wiping her own face

"Eddie" He said quietly "I'm sorry"

"No, no it's not you" Eddie said grabbing onto his jacket "It's just everything, I'm not emotionally constipated like you" Eddie said smirking

"God I thought it was something I had done" Jamie said squeezing her arm and exhaling

"No I couldn't be happier with us, just it's been a whirlwind few days" Eddie said sniffing

"My dad would be happy" Eddie said " That I'm happy" She added wiping her eyes

"I know, I talked to him" Jamie said

"Really?"

"Yea I'll tell you later, when I think you need a happy story. Why don't we eat before our food gets too cold" Jamie said

"Jamie" Eddie said grabbing his jacket

"Yea" Jamie said

"I just need another hug" Eddie said blushing

"I can do that" Jamie said laughing and hugging her tight

* * *

As they were throwing out their trash Jamie checked his watch.

"I gotta get going soon. Go easy on Kara today?"

"I'll try. But how does one plan a funeral?"

"Just go with your gut, what you think he will like My dad and Pop handled my mom's and Joe's, I didn't know much in that regard, I couldn't" Jamie said

"Will you come over after tour?" Eddie asked

"Of course" Jamie said "What ever you need"

"Does this mean we're gonna need new partners?" Eddie asked

"Probably" Jamie said

"Are you ok with that? I'm all in too. Nothing casual" Eddie said

"Yea I'm ok with it" Jamie said

"Good" Eddie said

"I can talk to Sarge today or we can wait till you come back"

"I'll go with you tomorrow or something" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said

"Be careful today?" Eddie asked

"Of course. If you need me just text me. I'll call you when I get off tour to see if you want anything, I know you have the food from Pop"

"Thanks" Eddie said going over to hug him

Jamie hugged her back and as he tried to pull back she stopped him.

"Just be … careful" Eddie said

"I will, don't worry. I'm coming back here later ok, nothing will change that" Jamie said kissing her

* * *

I am sorry for the lack of updates, I have been having a hard time balancing life with my internship. I have been struggling with how to continue but I think I figured it out. I know it's a shorter chapter but I wanted to get an update out for you all. Thank you all so much for the reviews and support it really means a lot, don't forget to keep reviewing!


	10. Chapter 10

"Reagan, my office" Jamie heard as soon as he walked out from the locker room

"You can sit you know, I don't know why you get all jumpy coming in here" Renzulli said as he pointed to the chair

He sat in his as Jamie sat in the one as instructed

"What's up Sarge?" Jamie asked nervously

"How ya doing kid?"

"I'm good Sarge, how are you?" Jamie asked more of a question than statement

"How's Officer Janko"

"She's doing the best she can"

"How are you two doing together?"

"Sarge" Jamie said rolling his eyes

"Reagan, doesn't matter we're good friends. If you two are romantically involved I'm not rolling you out together"

"What are you trying to say?" Jamie asked, slightly annoyed

"I know you two are close and comfortable with each other but the way you've been interacting Jamie. It's not just a partner helping a partner. I don't you would have let Vinny or I cling to you the same way"

"If you needed it I would have" Jamie said nodding

"Really?" Sarge said with a smirk

"Yea, Sarge you know I'd do anything for my partners"

"I'm sure you would"

"Her dad just died don't you think she's had enough change?" Jamie asked

"So you're saying something does need to change?" Renzulli asked

"Sarge I'm tired, I don't have the energy for your mind games"

"Straight answer Reagan, you two romantically involved. Come clean and I won't transfer one of you out"

"We're gonna see where it goes but Janko wanted to be here for this conversation. Come on Sarge I told you, give us one last tour together?"

"Were you gonna hide it if I hadn't asked?" Renzulli asked giving him a hard look

"No, but I would've waited for Eddie like she wanted me to" Jamie said hoping he didn't catch hell from her

"This just happen between you two?" Renzulli asked smiling

"Seriously you think I would disobey orders?" Jamie asked

"You know Reagan I was young once, I know what it's like to fall for someone and not be able to have them. Marie didn't exactly like me at first. She thought I was a cocky ass"

"She wasn't wrong" Jamie mumbled

"What was that Officer Reagan?" He asked with a smirk

"Nothing Sarge" Jamie said rolling his eyes

"Man you are cranky today. For someone that finally admitted something he should've said a long time ago you're not happy"

"It hasn't exactly been a walk in the park. Eddie isn't the easiest person to deal with when she's stressed and upset"

"But you two are getting through it, that should tell you something Reagan"

"Sarge I don't know what more you want from me, I told you we were gonna see where we go"

"What I'm trying to tell you is that I'm happy for you both. Two of my best and smartest officers yet you both were blind to what the rest of us saw"

"I wasn't ready to give her up as a partner last year" Jamie said sheepishly

"Are you now? I'm not trying to be funny, Jamie I'm being serious"

"Yea I am. I told her I'm all in. You know she's gonna kill me for having this conversation with you"

Renzulli didn't say anything he just sat there smirking.

"What?" Jamie asked his former partner

"I can't believe it took you two this long"

"Here we go" Jamie said rolling his eyes

"Jamie you were more upset with the possibility of not being with Eddie everyday than you were when you called off your wedding. Eddie gets you in a way that I saw you struggle with Sydney"

* * *

 _"Rookie what's eating at you today?" Tony said sipping his coffee at a red light_

 _"Nothing why?" A rookie Jamie asked him_

 _"You didn't want to drive, you didn't do the checklist. You getting sick or something? Tired of the job already? Miss the cushy office life"_

 _"No none of that" Jamie said_

 _"Jamie I know I mess around a lot but if somethings eating at you, you can talk you know"_

 _Jamie didn't say anything and just fiddled with his hat in his hands._

 _"God you and Joe, look, act, talk alike. You very similar to him except for the fact I had to beg him to shut up half the time and with you I have to beg you to tell me what's wrong. Is it something with Danny or your dad and being on the job"_

 _"Sarge just leave it alone" Jamie said irritated_

 _"How about tomorrow we try and wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow, huh?" Tony asked_

 _"Sure" Jamie said_

 _"God you rookies get younger and younger" He said babbling off._

 _After lunch, which Jamie sat through mostly quiet, they were on foot patrol when they passed the coffee shop Tony liked._

 _"Reagan do..."_

 _"I'm fine" Jamie bit back before Renzulli had a chance to answer_

 _"I was gonna ask you if you want a coffee, my treat. Seems you need one"_

 _"Sure, sorry. Thanks" Jamie said numbing and internally cursing himself_

 _Once they requested their break and went and sat in the park Renzulli set his cup on the table and looked directly at Jamie._

 _"Reagan what's going on?" Tony said more gently, know something was eating his young partner._

 _When Jamie didn't answer he spoke again._

 _"We really gonna play twenty questions? I know I'm older than I look but maybe just maybe I can give you some advice as someone that's seen a lot"_

 _Jamie still just stared at his coffee cup._

 _"You dad, Danny, money, the job, missing Joe, Sydney? Am I getting warm Reagan?"_

 _"Syd and I, we well she yea she broke off the engagement" Jamie said rambling_

 _"Jamie I'm sorry, I didn't think, I pushed. I'm sorry kid"_

 _"It happened two days ago, why I banged in sick yesterday. Gave my dad back the ring last night" he said not trusting himself to look at his training Sargent._

 _"You doing ok?" He asked_

 _"Part of me thinks it might have been the right decision but part of me also wonders if I let the best thing in my life walk out"_

 _"That's a tough call kid, what's your gut telling you?"_

 _"Not much" Jamie said_

 _"Your family know yet?"_

 _Jamie just shook his head no._

 _"Just my dad and grandfather. I really didn't wanna deal with Danny's I told you so or my sisters emotional reaction"_

 _"I didn't mean to push your Reagan, I just had a feeling something was wrong"_

 _"It's ok"_

 _"She say why?"_

 _"We've grown apart since Joe, I guess I closed off and she didn't try to hard and then the job just made it all worse. She said she didn't mind and that we were adjusting but she said that I loved the job more than her and that she didn't wanna be second fiddle to the NYPD"_

 _"How'd you feel about that?"_

 _"The academy and being a cop, finally made me happy again, law school might've been a detour but I really think this is where I belong"_

 _"Then maybe it's for the best kid. Joe told me a lot about you, probably more than you'd like me to know but you were different when you first started. The Jamie I always pictured from Joe has been coming out more. It might not seem it now kid but maybe it's for the best"_

 _"I still love her, how do you just stop loving someone overnight?"_

 _"You don't, why do you think there's always a new sappy rom-com coming out that Marie drags me to?"_

 _Jamie just shrugged his shoulders. "We just became different people, and I changed it all up. Lawyer puts a ring on your finger and end up walking down the aisle with a rookie cop"_

 _"Kid if it was meant to be, you two would've made it work"_

 _"I don't know" Jamie said composing himself after feeling like his emotions were gonna betray him._

 _"Alright beers and burgers on me tonight?" Renzulli asked him_

 _"I guess, thanks Sarge" Jamie said_

* * *

"Sarge"

"Let me finish Reagan. You two spend day in and day out with each other and yes we did too but some days I was happy to get away from you for a few hours. But you and Janko wanted more time together. I really thought you would've admitted it last year after the domestic but then you freaked out"

"I didn't freak out" Jamie said rolling his eyes

"You did. You got all awkward with her, you didn't go to your anniversary party. You went out of your way to try and prove you're feelings were platonic"

"Cause they were"

"Yea and I graduated from Harvard" Tony said laughing

"Reagan I've known you a while now, I don't think you'll regret this decision" Renzulli said smiling

"Thanks?" Jamie said a little stunned

"You were sad about Sydney sure but when you thought Eddie was hurt or you were gonna get separated you were defensive and over protective and acted like the world would end. That should tell you something"

"Sarge, I mean we haven't even went on a date. We don't know if we will even work out"

"You two? I'd bet my pension on it"

"Um you're not the best gambler" Jamie said smirking

"You two have been attached at the hip for a while now. You've been though some tough moments, especially now and you stuck together. That should tell you something"

"Does this mean you'll keep letting us ride together?" Jamie asked

"Get outta here Reagan, go do your job" Renzulli said

"Got it Sarge" Jamie said getting up

"Hey Reagan" he called it

"Yea, I'm going I'm going"

"No I was gonna tell you I really hope you two end up together. You belong together and this old partner of yours couldn't be happier that the two of you are gonna give it a shot"

"Thanks Sarge" Jamie said feeling a little lighter

He walked into the roll call room and checked his phone to make sure Eddie hadn't texted him. He was thinking about what Renzulli said and realized that maybe there was some truth to it. That the thought of losing Eddie hurts more than losing Sydney did.

He rolled out with Regetti today and hoped it would be quiet.

"Hey how's Janko doing?" Regetti asked walking up to him

"She's ok, best to be expected I guess. She's kinda alone in this" Jamie said

"She has you" he stated

"What's that mean?" Jamie asked defensively and realized that maybe Renzulli was ok to something

"When I texted her to see how she was doing and if she needed anything she said you were with her" Regetti said slightly confused

"Yea sorry"

"Reagan you good?"

"Yea, just working stuff out with Janko"

"My two sense? You guys are good together. I made my wife wait around long enough, she's a good one Reagan don't let her get away"

"Uh yea thanks" Jamie said wondering why everyone was commenting on his personal life

"So what do you think the Jets are gonna do this season?" Regetti asked changing the subject which Jamie was eternally grateful for

* * *

"Eddie sweetie you need to pick one, you've been staring at them for a half hour" Kara said taking her hand

"How do you want me to pick one? Pick what shape box my father goes in like I'm picking a sand which for lunch"

"Let me give you some more time Ms. Janko" the funeral director said

"Thank you" Kara said

"I had to pick flowers and what they're gonna say and this and that and I just can't do any more" Eddie said growing frustrated

"Eddie only you can pick this" she said gently

Eddie just put her head in her hands and felt her eyes water.

"I really thought he was gonna be ok" she said through a cracked sob

"Eddie, come here" Kara said pull her in for a hug

"I just thought that you maybe when he got out my parents would work stuff out or my cousins would come or something. I didn't think I'd be doing it alone"

"You're not alone. You have me, and Jamie and Hailey. You have the 12th, your other friends that are much too wild for a mother of two to go out with" Kara said hoping the last part would cheer her up.

"It's just more of a reminder of how screwed up everything was"

"What can do I for you?" Kara asked searching her purse

"Here drink this" She said putting a juice pouch in front of her.

Eddie just glared at you.

"I have it on a four year olds authority that this is Aunt Eddies favorite flavor"

"I miss my little buddy" Eddie said taking the juice

"He misses his aunt"

"I feel like I've been living in another world. I really haven't seen anyone, haven't been to work"

"It's ok, you're doing what you needed to do"

"I know it's lame, I wish Jamie was here" Eddie said turning red

"Hey he's the person you lean on when shit hits the fan, that's normal. Try calling him, they may still be on meal. It's only one"

"I can't he's at work, he already took off"

"You tell Reagan you need him and he'll cuff whoever to a pole and sprint to you. You know that"

"I also miss him" she said sheepishly

"Well that's normal" Kara said smiling

"But he's gonna tell you the same thing I did. This is your choice, what color urn to do"

"I don't know" Eddie said pounding the table

Kara pulled her phone out and dialed Jamie.

"Reagan" Jamie said answering before looking at who it was

"I get your last name, what am I not even in your phone?" Kara asked laughing

"Hey Kara, sorry I didn't even look. We're walking out from meal. Is Eddie ok?" Jamie asked slightly concerned

"She's picked everything but an urn. She can't decide and she's getting agitated and juice didn't help"

"Juice what?" Jamie asked giving her a small laugh

"She said she needs you for this" Kara said and she heard Eddie hiss her name in the background

"Ok you wanna put her on or are you her liaison or assistant or something?" Jamie asked

Jamie could hear them going back and forth and leave it to his partner to not want to call him about this. He heard Kara whisper yell "Janko he's on the phone just take the damn phone"

"Jamie hi, hey I'm sorry I told her not to call you"

"Really?" Jamie asked smugly mouthing to Regetti he'd be back in a few so Regetti got in the car and Jamie stayed out.

"You're busy"

"I have a few for you. Regetti even got in the car. Come on Janko what's going on" Jamie said softly

"I can't pick an urn, picking what my dad goes it. Jamie I, I just can't" Eddie said sadly

Jamie felt his heart clench, he knew what this felt like. His dad had asked him to help pick Joe's casket since they were the closest but he knew he needed to be sensible in helping her.

"You can Eddie, you have to"

"I can't Jamie" Eddie said

Jamie could hear her voice going shaky.

"What are your options?" Jamie asked calmly

"There's a silver one, gold, navy and onyx and then other ones that were ugly" Eddie said

"Ok well what color did your dad like?"

"Green and purple like fucking Barney"

Jamie laughed when he heard Eddie start to yell at him.

"THIS ISNT FUNNY" She yelled

"I'm sorry" Jamie said

"I don't love gold but that's just me. Silver it's classic, onyx that's like shiny black right? And you can't go wrong with navy"

"Of course you pick navy all you wear is blue"

"Eddie what one do you like?"

"I don't know" Eddie said starting to cry

"Hey don't cry Ed, put Kara back on"

"Jamie what did you say to her?" Kara asked as she put an arm around Eddie.

"I asked her what one she liked" Jamie said, slightly confused

"It's been a long morning" Kara said

"I know, I wish I could be there for her" Jamie said "How's she doing"

"I think she's had it, she's over all of it. This for whatever reason, she just can't pick"

"What one do you think?" Jamie asked

"I kinda like the black but the silver and blue are nice too. I think the navy might by my favorite"

"That's what I thought but she yelled at me" Jamie said

"It's not at you Jamie" Kara said

"No I know. I wish I could be there for her" Jamie said

"She's really struggling"

"I know, I know. Can you put her back on?"

"Yea"

"Jamie?" Eddie said sniffing

"Yea I'm here" Jamie said

"I, I don't know what to do. I don't wanna make the wrong choice"

"Eddie no matter what choice you make it'll be the right one" Jamie said

"What if he wouldn't like it?"

"Of course he'll like it because you picked it out. My choice Janko?"

"Yea"

"The navy. Navy is strong and dependable. The black might might you sad and the silver is kinda plain and you and your dad are not plain or boring"

"That's a lot more than I was expecting"

"Good. So what do you think?"

"I'll go navy, and get in engraved" Eddie said

"I think you're making a good choice. So how are you doing" Jamie said as his shoulder radio crackled to life

"You gotta go?" Eddie asked

"Yea I do, I'm sorry. I'll see you tonight?"

"Yes please" Eddie said

"Bye Janko"

"Thanks Jamie"

When Jamie got back into the patrol car Regetti was smirking at him.

"What's wrong with your face? Light it up"

"You're a good partner, Reagan"

"Yea thanks" Jamie said as they drove to their call

Jamie quickly fired off a text to Eddie before they pulled up.

"Ed what are you thinking?" Kara asked her gently

"Navy" Eddie said "I think"

"Ok..."

"Its a good solid color, it's not depressing but it's not flashy"

"Ok" Eddie said nodding

After they finished with the funeral director and picked Saturday for the service Kara took her to her apartment and got her settled.

"Eddie can I do anything for you? Get you anything?" Kara asked sitting on the sofa next to her

"No, I just want to be alone now"

"Are you sure?" Kara asked

"Yea, Jamie'll be here later"

"Ok, if you need anything I'm just a phone call away"

"Thank you Kara, I really appreciate it. I know I was a tad difficult today"

"It's ok, it's what friends are for" Kara said

"You want anything?"

"No I'm ok, I think I'm just gonna nap"

"Ok, just call me if you need anything and I'll come right back over" Kara said fixing her pillow and placing a blanket on her.

"What would I do without you?" Eddie asked

"You'd be ok. I know it"

"You're a good mom to me" Eddie said giving her a hug

"Oh God don't say that" Kara said laughing and hugging her back "Get some sleep ok"

"Thanks, Jamie should be over after tour"

* * *

Once Jamie got off what he thought was the world's longest tour he drove over to Eddie's. When she didn't answer he figured she was sleeping so he got out his extra key and walked up and unlocked her door.

"Eddie" He said quietly not to wake her

He saw she was passed out on the couch, blanket half off and pillows all over. He walked over and put the blanket back on her and went into the kitchen to heat some dinner.

He was cutting the frozen lasagna Henry made when it slipped and the knife flipped to the floor.

"Shit" Jamie yelled as the knife narrowly missed his foot.

"Huh? What? Whose here?" Eddie said jolting up

"Shit Eddie I'm sorry. It's just me. I didn't mean to wake you, I dropped the knife" Jamie said walking over to the couch

"Jamie?" Eddie asked rubbing her eyes

"Yea, shh go back to sleep"

"Well now I'm awake" Eddie said as Jamie sat next to her

"How you doing?" Jamie asked

"I'm ok I guess"

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there today" Jamie said feeling guilty

"No Jamie, do not feel guilty. I literally have kidnapped you from your normal life"

"Ed you're a big part of my life. Of course I'm gonna be there for you"

"Thanks for answering though, I needed you"

"Of course Janko. And I think navy was the right choice. When did you set it for"

"Saturday" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said taking his phone out

"What are you doing?"

"I'm working Saturday, I gotta switch"

"No it's ok, you've taken so much time off already" Eddie said and Jamie just gave her a look

"I'm not gonna let you do this alone. Romantic feelings or not, I would do anything I could to be there even if we were just partners"

"Were?" Eddie asked

"Oh yea, um about that. Sarge knows"

"You told him?!" Eddie asked

"More I got called into his office first thing this morning and he just, I don't know its Sarge he figured it out. Gave his blessing and everything"

"So we're done?" Eddie asked

"I mean unless you don't want me to sit with you at the funeral"

"I'm actually working Thursday and Friday off Saturday and Sunday"

"Oh I figured you'd be off till after"

"No, gotta go back at some point" Eddie said

"Maybe he'll keep together us together till then"

"I need you this week, who else knows?" Eddie asked

"I mean Kara does, Regetti I think he figured it out without saying it"

"Maybe we can ride together at least one of them" Eddie said

"I'm sorry Janko, you know I can't lie"

"No I know"

"Can I get you anything? You need anything?"

"A hug"

"I can do that" Jamie said smiling and putting his arms out

"I missed you today" Eddie said

"I missed you too" Jamie said blushing, them finally getting deeper into new territory

"How'd everything go with Kara?"

"I picked everything out but it was horrible" Eddie said feeling her eyes start to water, and her voice betray her

"I'm sorry Eddie" Jamie said trying to release her from the hug, but she wouldn't let him "Ok" he said smiling

"I, I don't know if I chose the right stuff and what if he wouldn't like it?" Eddie said still upset

"You picked it out for him, I'm sure he will like it"

"It, it was just horrible and nothing like I ever would have imagined" She said starting to cry

"Ok" Jamie said kicking his shoes off and laying back on Eddie's couch and bringing her with him

"I don't want to let him down" Eddie said burying her face in Jamie's sweatshirt clad chest

"I don't think you could ever let him down Ed" Jamie said sincerely "You been holding this in all day?"

"Yea" she squeaked

"Aww Ed, you had Kara"

"She's not you" Eddie said sheepishly

Jamie just smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm here now" Jamie said

Eddie just nodded and clutched his side

"It's ok, I'm really sorry you're going through this" Jamie said

Jamie just laid there with Eddie slumped on top of him. He was lazily running his hand up and down her back when he felt he starting to calm down, at the same time his stomach growled.

"Sorry, I'm hungry" Jamie said laughing

"Mine is never that loud" Eddie said giving him a small smile

"You hungry? What'd ya eat today?"

"A tea and some toast. My stomach has been a little off from stress I guess. And then the juice Kara force fed me. She tried feeding me but I wasn't hungry"

"Come have some dinner then, it's the least you could do after your knife almost severed my foot"

"Dramatic much?" Eddie asked as Jamie sat them up

"Where do you think I leaned it?"

"Come on, eat just a little. There's also soup left too" Jamie said leading her into her own kitchen

"Thank you" Eddie said swinging her hand in his as they walked into the kitchen

* * *

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! We're getting close to the end. Don't forget to review I love them! Let me know what you think!


	11. Chapter 11

It was Thursday morning, Jamie had spent the night at Eddie's. He finally stayed in the same bed with her, under the covers but they figured if they had any hope of riding together they shouldn't try anything just yet. Jamie was up before his alarm and went for a quick run and left Eddie sleeping. When he came back in she was still in the bed, only right smack in the middle now. Jamie quickly showered and went to wake her up.

"Eddie, time to get up" Jamie said gently shaking her shoulder

" ugh" she groaned

"You got tour today"

"I'm aware" Eddie said shaking the sleep out of her eyes

"How you expecting us to share a bed when the second I get out of it you go smack in the middle?" Jamie asked

"I'll get a bigger bed" Eddie said

"Well that solves that problem" Jamie said smiling

"You got my back today?"

"Always. I texted Sarge but he said we had to wait for roll call for assignments" Jamie said

"Think we should go separate?" Eddie asked

"Yea I do"

"I agree, no reason to draw attention"

"Im all ready to go. I'll stop and get us coffees" Jamie said

"You hardly ever do that"

"Yea but it's your first day back in what three weeks? I'm allowed to do something nice for my partner"

"Ok, I'll be not long after. And if...if we can't ride together it'll be ok too" Eddie said

"He should keep us together"

"But rules and all that nonsense" Eddie stated

"But you need a partner you trust today" Jamie said

"I trust Sarge. That he has our best interests in mind" Eddie said

"Ok, I'm gonna head out. Don't take to long" Jamie said

"Wait" Eddie said walking over to him

"What's wrong?" Jamie asked

"I can't go this at the precinct" she said wrapping her arms around his stomach and standing on her toes to kiss him.

Jamie gave her a tight hug and kissed her back.

"That make it better?" Jamie asked her

"Yes" Eddie said hugging him one more time "now get going" she added slapping his butt

Jamie stopped on his way to work to the coffee place they both liked and got their drinks to go. Eddie wasn't in when he walked in so he placed them on his desk and went to change. He saw her bag on her chair when he walked out but not sign of Eddie and her coffee was untouched even though it had her name on it.

Before he could look around he heard his name being bellowed from Renzulli.

"Reagan" Tony called down the hall

Jamie quickly walked over to his former partners office and walked in and saw his current partner sitting in a chair.

"Sarge, Hey Janko" he greeted

Tony shut the door and instructed Jamie to sit as he went around to his side of the desk.

"Alright, I know there's more to you two than you're letting on" Renzulli started

"Sage I came clean, what's this about"

"You still wanting to ride with Officer Janko"

"Sarge don't put her with someone new today, I know how to read her, to talk to her or calm her down" Jamie said before Tony cut him off

"So you're telling me she shouldn't be back on the street" Tony said looking at Jamie

"Sarge" Eddie said before he put his hand up

"No I think she's ok, but I know when she's faking it, when she's hiding something and that has nothing to do with our relationship outside the job. That's from over two years together. Sarge you read me better than most people can because we were partners. If I was Officer Janko I would want some familiarity"

"Officer Janko?" Tony asked

"I wouldn't be asking to go on the street if I didn't think I was ready. I want to be back. Everything's planned and the rest of it... well that will take time to work through. But honestly Sarge I want Officer Reagan next to me, he knows me. I know him. A new partner would wanna play twenty questions and I'm not up for that. You saw the pity looks I got coming in here this morning, Jamie didn't give me them"

"And somehow I don't think this is the first time you're seeing each other today" Tony said

"It's not Sarge" Eddie states and Jamie looked like he wanted to melt.

"We haven't crossed any lines Sarge I promise you. I mean he's a total Boy Scout, you think he would let us do anything against the patrol guide. I have his back he has mine, nothing less. In that regard nothing has changed. And I would really like to keep riding with him at least until the funeral. I need him next to me, I don't have to wonder where he's gonna be, I know he'll have my back and he'll know I have his" Eddie said making her case

"This goes against my better judgment BUT I will let you two stay together. You cannot act like a couple on tour. And if there's any fooling around I will see to it that you two end up on opposite sides of New York, copy?"

"Copy That" Jamie said

"Yes sir" Eddie said

"And not a word of this conversation to anyone" Renzulli said

"Got it"

"Yes boss"

"Go" He said shooting them out of his office

"I left your coffee on your desk" Jamie said

"Thanks, I just have to change" Eddie said going into the locker room

Jamie was sitting at his desk when Eddie came out, she grabbed her coffee and they walked in for roll call.

After roll call they walked out to their usual RMP when Jamie tossed her the keys.

"What?" Eddie asked catching them and not spilling her coffee

"Thought I'd be nice today" Jamie said getting in the other side

"You never let me drive" Eddie said still standing outside their car

"I also usually don't bring you coffee" Jamie said

"What the hell Reagan? Why are you letting me drive? Cause we sorta together?" Eddie asked as she got in

"No I was just trying to be nice, thought it would you keep your mind off stuff" Jamie said putting his hands up in defense

"Nothing to do with the face you've seen me shirtless twice in the last week?" Eddie asked, agitated

"Absolutely not. You driving is more of a risk to me than you not driving. Just thought I'd be nice since you've been out for so long" Jamie said

"Fine" Eddie said turning the car on

"You sure you're ready to be back?" Jamie asked

"Will everyone stop asking me that? Maybe us riding together was a bad idea. At least Maldonado doesn't care how I'm doing and would be a consistent jackass" Eddie said

"You want to go get him? You can ride with him all day then Janko"

"NO" Eddie yelled "I want you to treat me like your partner, Jamie. Not some scared, sad little girl that couldn't hold herself up"

"Eddie you know that's not what I think" Jamie softening

"You never would let me willingly drive, I would beg and grovel for once and it always came with a lot of backtalk from you and now you just causally toss me the keys"

"Ok gimme the keys and your coffee and we'll start over" jamie said putting his hand out

"My coffee" Eddie said taking a long sip

"I'll happily drive. Remind me not to be accommodating anymore" Jamie said

"It was just weird. I was questioning why you did it"

"It's fine I won't be nice any more" Jamie said

"Maybe I overreacted a tad"

Jamie just shit her a look.

"Look you get what you get with me. Sass and all" Eddie stated as she drove out of the lot

"It's gonna be a long day" Jamie grumbled

"Don't treat me any differently"

"I'll try not to" Jamie said

Before Eddie could say anything Jamie yelled.

"Dear God Janko slow it the fuck down" Jamie yelled gripping his door as she sped down the street "I lied, my brother did drive better than you when he was fourteen"

"Thanks" Eddie said looking at him at a red light

"I'm serious Janko your driving sucks" Jamie said

"Oh I'm not trying to make you feel better, I'm being honest" Jamie said laughing

"You're such a jerk" Eddie said laughing

Their radios crackled to life and they got a call. After their call they went on meal where they met up with Regetti and Walsh.

"So food on Eddie for putting us all through hell the last few weeks?" Kara asked

"Thanks" Eddie said, grateful Kara didn't ask how she was doing.

After their meal Jamie and Eddie headed back on the street where Jamie stole the keys back.

"You're never driving again" Jamie stated as he moved the seat back and got in

"We got there in record time, robbers were still in the house" Eddie said

"Yea, and then the one got car sick on the way back to the precinct" Jamie said

"Probably from a guilty conscience. The homeowners were very grateful" Eddie said "See I'm just doing the best job I can"

"Well he wasn't the only one that was car sick"

"Oh shut up" Eddie said swatting his arm

"It feels good to be back" Eddie said

"It's good having you back" Jamie said

"You missed me!" Eddie said happily

"I didn't say that"

"You didn't have to" Eddie said smiling

They got a another radio call to a domestic dispute, sounding like it was a father and son.

"Here we go" Eddie said turning on the lights as Jamie picked up the pace

When they rolled up they went up to the door and banged on it when they heard yelling they went into the house.

"I got it" Eddie said kicking the door down and yelling police

"Step away from each other" Eddie yelled

"Back up" Jamie yelled

"What's going on, why are you taking a bat to your kid?" Jamie asked while he took the father and Eddie took the teenager

Jamie looked the father over once again and saw he had a bloody nose.

"What's going on? What's your name?" Eddie asked the kid

"Shut up" The kid yelled

"Zack just listen" The father yelled

Eddie finally had the kid backed up and Jamie was working on calming the father.

"Sir what's your name?"

"Don" The man answered

"you wanna tell us what's going on?" Eddie asked

"This bitch won't give me any money" Zack yelled

"So what you beat your dad up?" Eddie asked growing angry

"What's with the bat?" Jamie asked

"He was coming at me with it, I finally got it away from him" Don said looking ashamed "Zack, he's had anger issues ever since his mom left"

"No I don't" Zack said lunging at Eddie to get to his father

"Zack just calm down" His father said "It's ok"

"Shut up you jackass, this wouldn't have happened if you just would give me the money. I wish you had left with mom" Zack yelled

"You should be lucky to have a father that cares about you, not every one has father" Eddie said shoving the kid back

Zack started to try and hit Eddie when she pushed him up against the wall, hard.

"Stop you're going to hurt him. He's only fifteen" Don yelled

The kid was easily taller than Eddie and shoved her backwards and off of him when she got her ASP out. She got in a punch and had him up against the wall and Eddie was yelling at him when Jamie radioed for backup and intervened.

"Janko take a walk" Jamie said lightly shoving her out of the way as she continued yell.

"He'll be better I promise" Don said

"Sir you and your son both need help" Eddie said trying to help Jamie

"Janko outside" Jamie yelled

He cuffed the kid as Officers McKenna and Butler came into the house"

"Janko?" McKenna asked on his way out

"Janko and I will take him in, can you guys take the dad to the hospital?" Jamie asked them

McKenna took the kid from Jamie and handed him off to his younger partner and told him to take him and the father to the car.

"What's with Janko? She just leave you?" McKenna asked shocked

"No, I sent her out. You know the line that perps have rights too? She was dangerously close to crossing it"

"Everything ok between you two?"

"Yea, this wasn't the best call for her to get today" Jamie said

"You take her back in, if she's that heated she shouldn't be in the RMP with the kid" McKenna said as they heard yelling

Jamie and McKenna took off running outside where the kid was about to break free from Butler and was trying to haul off on Eddie.

"What's going on?" Jamie asked as they ran out the front door

"This bitch won't stop yelling at me" Zack said yelling about Eddie

"Walking it off" Jamie said yelling at Eddie as McKenna got the father in their car

"Jamie gave Zack to McKenna and followed Eddie down the street"

"What the hell was that Janko?" Jamie asked still hyped up from the events

"Just drop it Reagan" Eddie said

"He reports you Eddie, this could be bad. You were out of line. You will not speak, look or touch him. I'll take the arrest. You understand?" Jamie asked

"Copy that" Eddie said walking away from Jamie

"Don't walk away from me Eddie. I'm trying to save your ass. You know you were out of line"

"I'm fine" Eddie yelled and walked past Jamie

Jamie looked at McKenna and nodded and Jamie took Zack back from him

"Well take him to the hospital, you two good?" McKenna asked Jamie

"Yea, we're good" Jamie said as he started to Marandize Zack

Jamie and Eddie didn't say a word to each other as they drove back to the precinct and Eddie didn't dare say anything else to Zack.

Once Jamie parked he got out of the car and waited for Eddie to get out.

"Go I got him" Jamie said curtly

Jamie got Zack out and took him to the desk sargent who handed him off to special victims since he was still a minor. Eddie was filling out her paperwork when Jamie walked over to her desk.

"Lets walk" He said as he kept moving

"What"

"You gonna try and deny that the kid hating on his dad didn't bother you?" Jamie asked

"Nope, not here we don't" Eddie said as she walked into the women's locker room.

No matter how much he loved her, he knew she was going to be the death of him.

Jamie walked over to the women's locker room and knocked on the door.

"Janko come on are you the only one in there?" Jamie asked at the door

"Yes"

"You decent?" He asked her

"Yes"

Jamie walked in and saw her sitting in front of her locker with her eyes closed.

"Save it, sure I probably crossed a line. Good talk, let's roll" Eddie said getting up

"Uh-uh you're not going back on the street"

"That's not your call" Eddie said walking past but Jamie grabbed her arm "Did I ever make you feel like your life was in danger?" Eddie asked

"No, I trusted you out there. It was with the perp that you were questionable with"

"I didn't need you to send me out or anything"

"I'm the senior officer Eddie, it's my job to make sure arrests go smoothly" Jamie said getting irritated again.

"Everything was fine, I didn't need help" Eddie said shaking him off

Eddie walked out with Jamie on her heels when they heard both their names.

"Shit" Jamie said

"Just great" Eddie said

Renzulli called them into his office and told them to sit.

"So I see there was a hiccup" Renzulli said

"No sir" Eddie said

"Cut the crap Janko. The call affected you, you didn't disobey any orders but you're lucky that the kid isn't claiming abuse of power"

"The kid was way out of line, not the first domestic there. He had anger issues that needed to be addressed" Eddie said

"I stepped in and told Officer Janko to go cool off and took over" Jamie said

"That so?" Renzulli asked "Janko you did fine until this call. Go home and get some sleep. I'll decide tomorrow if you're modified or not for the next few tours"

"But Sarge" Eddie said getting up

"You want automatic modified duty?" Renzulli asked

"No sir" Eddie said sitting back down

"Go home and take care of yourself. You're dismissed Officer Janko"

"Thank you sir" Eddie mumbled as she walked out

"Reagan, the hell were you thinking"

"What Sarge? I took over when needed"

"Should've called for a patrol supervisor"

"Everything was fine. McKenna and Butler took the dad to the hospital"

"It was against my better judgment I let you two out together"

"I never one questioned if Officer Janko had my back or not. This situation was purely in response to her father's passing, nothing more"

"Alright, well you're on desk duty the rest of the day" Renzulli said

"Sarge"

"I don't want to hear it Reagan" Renzulli

"Yes Sarge" Jamie said getting up

"You're dismissed"

* * *

After tour Jamie went over to Eddie's and buzzed her door knowing she would most likely be pissed at him

"Who is it?"

"It's Jamie, you expecting someone else?" Jamie asked her

"What?" Eddie asked

"Come on Ed, let me up" Jamie said slightly desperate

Jamie didn't hear Eddie say anything but he heard the door unlock. He took the stairs two at a time and knocked on Eddie's door.

"I've been calling you since I got off tour" Jamie said walking in after Eddie opened it

"Yea well I didn't want to answer"

"You mad at me?" Jamie asked her

"What would ever make you think that?" Eddie asked

Jamie just rolled his eyes "Janko come on"

"I'm mad at you, at Sarge at this whole damn situation, that punk ass kid"

"You wanna talk about that call?" Jamie asked her

"Nope" Eddie said moving away from him

"Go get dressed, put on workout clothes"

"I'm not going for a run" Eddie said

"It's not a run. Come on, just do it" Jamie said getting clothes out of his duffle

Jamie quickly got changed and grabbed some water out of the fridge for them and waited for Eddie. He was about to call out to her when she walked out in black workout leggings and an NYPD sweatshirt.

"Thought you were gonna stand me up" Jamie said

"I'm here aren't I?"

"Come on let's go" Jamie said

Jamie was driving them but he had yet to tell Eddie where.

"I'm really not in the mood for surprises Jamie"

"Just relax"

"As they pulled up to the large building and just looked at him"

"Really not ready to see a bunch of cops"

"Good thing I know a guy then"

"You know Rico, we both are friends with Rico. Rico goes out with us once a week. Rico came to sit with me the one day you had tour. Rico isn't knowing a guy"

"Rico is in charge of NYPD boxing"

"Girls still aren't exactly welcomed here" Eddie said

"You'll be fine"

"You Remember Detective Molez? After she beat one of the top guys they shoved her boxing gloves full of super flow tampons and extra heavy maxi pads. We don't feel the love here"

"That was before Rico took over and they were all disciplined" Jamie said

"You have an answer for everything, it's really annoying" Eddie said

"Come on, let's go. It'll just be us" Jamie said "Perks of knowing a guy"

"Do I get to punch you?" Eddie asked

"No"

"That's no fun" Eddie said

"Fine. Just not in the balls. I kinda like them the way they are"

"Yea, I'm sure I will too" Eddie said

Jamie finally got her out of the car and they walked into the gym where just like Jamie said it was just Rico.

"Hey Eddie" He said giving her a hug

"Reagan" He said clapping Jamie on the back

"Rico thanks for this, my partner here also went off on a perp so I figured for the safety of my nose and the citizen of New York I should bring her"

"It's all yours, here's the key Jamie. Just lock it up when your done"

"Thanks Rico" Jamie said

"Come on, let's get you gloves"

He walked over to the little store inside and got her a pair of blue gloves and texted Rico telling him he owed him.

He went back to Eddie to size them on her and pulled a wrap out of his gym bag.

"Gross I am not using your old sweaty wrap"

"It's a disposable, brand new Janko" Jamie said

"Oh" Eddie said

"Yea" Jamie stated

He took one of Eddie's hands and carefully wrapped it and then moved on to the other.

"You sure it's on right?"

"I've been boxing since I was eight. I'm sure" Jamie said

He slid the gloves on her hands and then took off his sweatshirt and wrapped his own and put his gloves on. He was in gym shorts and a t-shirt.

"They tight enough?" Jamie asked her

"Yea, but why are we doing this?"

"Cause it might make you feel better"

Jamie explained the basics of a jab and cross jab and taught her to protect her wrists, elbows and shoulders.

"Alright, I'll hold the bag, you take a swing and try not to miss onto my face" Jamie said

"Have at it, lunch, kick, hit, scream all you want Eddie"

Eddie released her first punch and before she knew it she was wailing on the bag while Jamie was smiling, holding it.

"This what you do when I piss you off, it's a great feeling" Eddie said panting and out of breath

"oh yea sometimes I put your picture up on the bag too and aim right between your pretty eyes"

"you're such a jerk" Eddie said giving Jamie her hand to undo her glove

He got her glove off and they sat down for a water break.

"You always just go against a bag?"

"Nah, Rico a lot and some of the other guys. But you need a mouth guard to go against someone and we're not sharing that" Jamie said cringing

"You've already had your tongue in my mouth" Eddie stated and Jamie just shook his head

"You still mad at me? I knew you could handle yourself it was the other guy I was worried about. I didn't want you getting a rip cause your dealing with all your emotions of losing your dad" Jamie said and Eddie made a face

"What'd I do wrong now?"

"I hate the word emotions, it reminds me of being weak. I associate it with like high school health class"

"You're so weird. It's a perfectly normal word"

"Whatever" Eddie said downing her water

"Refill?" Eddie asked shaking her empty bottle

"Over in that corner" Jamie said pointing

"You need one?" She asked him

"No I'm good, damn you chugged it"

"Punching the shit out of a bag makes a girl thirsty" Eddie said

"Take your sweatshirt off" Jamie said

"I can't, I figured we were going for a run and so I didn't put a shirt on"

"You told me you refused to run"

"Yea well when the hell do you ever listen to me" Eddie said walking to the water cooler

"You're gonna suffocate" Jamie called out

"You care if I'm in just my sports bra? You able to handle that? I know for a fact that you get a little flustered around my boobs" Eddie said smirking

Jamie knew she was deflecting her real feelings and emotions so if she need to tease him a little it was fine with him.

"I'm a grown adult I can handle myself" Jamie said and started digging in his bag

"Now what do you need?" Eddie asked sitting back down next to him

"Sometimes I keep an extra shirt in here but I think I used it the other day" Jamie stated "Wait"

"There's an old cut-off, I mean it'll be half way down your ribs" he said tossing it to her

She held it up and it read Harvard Club Boxing on it

"You meathead" Eddie said slipping it on. Jamie was right he could still totally see inside the shirt and got more of her teal sports bra than any thing else.

"I was in college, we thought we were cool"

"isn't there an age limit to wearing club t-shirts"

"Just be happy I didn't give you the mock trial one"

"Oh my god you dork"

"You don't seem to be complaining" Jamie said hanging her the gloves

"I'm not" Eddie stated

"So how you doing? You feel a little better?"

"Nope no talking time to punch things" Eddie said going up to the bag

"Alright, you think you can do it without me holding the bag?" Jamie asked

"Yea I wanna try" Eddie said standing how he had instructed her and Jamie took the bag next to her

His punches were harder and faster but she pretty much kept up with him. He noted her slowing down and trying to blink away her own thoughts when he broke into them.

"One more thing before we head out?" Jamie asked

"Sure" Eddie said following him

Before she knew it he had tossed his gloves off and was strapping a padded suit to himself.

"Try not to go for the face since I forgot my mouth guard"

"Jamie" Eddie stated

"And avoid the nuts if you ever want kids. I got a cup on and all but you're lethal and I'm fairly certain probably still pissed off at me"

"Jamie" Eddie said giggling

"I told you just not the balls and the face" Jamie said waiting for her to start

Eddie gave him once punch to the stomach, much lighter than she had her been giving the bag and was about to make contact a second time when instead of punching him just put her gloved hand on his padded stomach"

"Eddie? Shh Eddie it's ok" Jamie said stripping his gloves and pads off

"Ed you're ok" Jamie said getting her gloves off her

He pulled her in for a hug and stood there hugging her before he got them both to the floor. She had her sweaty face buried in his shoulder and her arms wrapped around him clutching his t-shirt. Jamie brushed the hair out of her eyes and kissed her forehead and kept both hands on her back. He felt her crying harder and start to hyperventilate. He slipped one hand in the arm hole of his t-shirt she was wearing and slipped it under the damp band of her sports bra where He could feel her muscles twitching between her shoulder blades. He started to rub firm but relaxing circles and had his other hand holding her head to his shoulder as she cried.

"It's ok, you're safe Eddie" Jamie said soothingly

Eddie didn't respond and only continued to cry. Jamie shook her shoulder a little.

"You're allowed to be angry Janko" Jamie said which only made her cry harder

"You gotta breath of your gonna make yourself sick" Jamie said still rubbing her back

"When Joe was killed, after I went back to school, I had been going to a boxing gym up there pretty frequently and Spence went with me mostly because all my friends decided someone needed eyes on me at all times. So we were punching the bag and I start crying, it's a release of emotions and you just have to feel it. You get it all out on the bag and when you take a step back the weight of it all can be a lot. So there I was standing in the middle of the paved boxing gym with Spencer trying to comfort me. It happens Eddie. Everyone had a release and you just happened to get yours today"

Her crying has slowed, but she hadn't released her death grip on Jamie's shirt.

"I thought I was more sad than angry. Then when I saw that kid treating his dad the way he did I lost it, I just couldn't help it and I know it was wrong. You were right to step in but it didn't make me any less angry at you or the situation. I'm just angry at the time I missed out on being mad and the time I could've had in the future, you know " Eddie said, regaining composure

"that's why I stepped in, it's what partners do. I told you I always have your back Eddie"

"Thank you. Jamie, I really do appreciate it even if I can't express it"

"I know" Jamie said nodding "You feel a little better?" Jamie asked

"I do, it helped. I might have to come back, I liked it a lot" Eddie said

"Yea, you gonna bring your maxi pad for your tears?" Jamie asked smirking

"No for you tough guy when I kick your ass" Eddie said giving him a small smile

"Sure you will" Jamie said placating her "come on let's get you home"

"Thank you" Eddie said putting her hand on Jamie's arm

"You crying in the boxing gym, that made up?"

"Nope all true, ask Spencer" Jamie said tossing his phone to Eddie "Sometimes relieving your aggression can cause your emotions to pour out. Case in point, emotional drunks"

"I needed this and i know I would've been ok on my own but Jamie you're making this a hell of a lot easier on me. It's us as more than us can come out of it, i think my dad would be happy" Eddie said

"we've kinds been in our way when it comes to us, but I wouldn't trade the time we spent together the last few weeks. I'm just glad I can help you through it even if you don't always know how to express your feelings using words" Jamie said giving her a small laugh

"you're not the only one with a temper" Eddie said

"My little firecracker" Jamie said

"Yea?" Eddie asked

"I'm not letting go Eddie don't worry" Jamie said kissing her

* * *

I hope you all enjoyed it! Still not sure how long I'll continue it, let me know your thoughts!


	12. Chapter 12

Their next tour kept Eddie in house and Jamie was sent out on the street. The following day was the funeral and Renzulli told her he really didn't need a repeat of the previous days events.

Jamie was getting changed when there was a knock on the locker room door.

"Yea, just me" he said looking around

"Eddie was right, yours is bigger" Kara said looking around

"Hi Kara" Jamie said putting his shirt on

"Now I know why she barges in here" Kara said giving him a smile

"Oh shut up" Jamie said rolling his eyes "How's she doing, we kept getting sent out, I haven't seen her since this morning"

"She's agitated. To be expected I guess"

"You staying over tonight too?" Jamie asked her

"Yea she asked me to"

"Good, she needs both of us even if she thinks she doesn't" Jamie said

"She's kinda clammed up about everything" Kara said

"I took her to the boxing gym last night and she punched stuff still she cried. I just wish she would talk to me" Jamie said

"I think that she thinks that because your new relationship is new she has to always be on, so to speak"

"Come on you know that's not me"

"No I know know and I'm sure she does but Jamie in a new relationship you try and put your best foot forward. Theres a different between you two beings partners and you two acting on your feelings. While a good change, it's still a change that she has to deal with through all of this"

"She fights it and ends up letting go anyway"

"And she's stubborn as hell. She's been on her own. She's trying to justify everything and I don't think she's ready to show that side of herself to you"

"We've seen each other at all hours of the day. Good or bad. I just want to help her" Jamie said

"Jamie you have a big heart and part of me thinks that maybe you're trying to fix her..." Kara said before Jamie cut her off

"I'm not"

"I know let me finish. I think she still blames herself for growing up the way she did, that she has to suffer this alone because her dad wronged people"

"But she doesn't" Jamie said

"And that's why she has us. But do you remember how you were when your mom died?"

"Yea. Ok I see what you mean"

"Sometimes we push people away when we need them the most" Kara said

"I just want her to know she's not alone, I'm here for her every step of the way. Good or bad"

"She knows that Jamie. But also remember how you act in new relationships. You wanna show your best, not the part of you that is hurting"

"And that's a big part of her right now. Copy that" Jamie said nodding "I'll try talking to her"

"Sure just cause you give her permission to feel everything doesn't mean she will. It's Eddie"

"Oh I know, I didn't know it was possible to love some so much that drives you absolutely crazy"

"You two and special" Kara said "and both stubborn as hell"

"It's good she has you" Jamie said

"It's good she has both of us Jamie. You know what this is like, I don't" Kara said "think we should go find her? You think she's done answering phones?" Kara asked

"Yea probably, lets go save her" Jamie said

They walked out and saw that Eddie was no longer at the front desk or desk so Kara went into the women's locker room.

"Where've you been?" Eddie asked as Kara walked in

"Talking to Reagan, I pulled a Janko and barged into the men's locker room"

"Hey that's my job" Eddie said giving her a small smile

"Yea well you were too busy yelling at the good people of New York" Kara said

"You ready?" Eddie asked

"Yes, and I have all my stuff in the car. Go with Reagan I know you two came together" Kara said

Eddie just looked at her.

"I've had a front down seat to the rollercoaster that is your personal relationship. It's not hard to figure it out. And I spent a lot of time with you the last few weeks"

"Fine you win. He hasn't asked me out or anything but he told me he loved me" Eddie said lowering her voice

"Eddie that's great" Kara said happily

"Then why hasn't he asked me out?"

"I think he's trying to respect your feelings and emotions and the current situation"

"That's basically what he said" Eddie said rolling her eyes and walking out of the locker room to see Jamie leaning against the wall

"You ready?" Jamie asked her

"Yea are you both coming over now?"

"Yea I mean I brought you here this morning" Jamie said

"Yea you told me to just come straight over that my kid won't miss me for a night" Kara said giving her a smile

"What do you wanna do for dinner? I could make chicken and pasta if you don't feel like eating out. I don't remember what left overs you have"

"I guess we could make something, give me something to do" Eddie said

"Ok, well stop at the store then" Jamie said

"Here's my key" Eddie said giving Kara her keys "If we somehow beat you there which won't happen with the store but also with Jamie's driving, Reagan has a key" Eddie said

"Ok I'll see you soon" Kara said

Eddie and Jamie got into the car and they were a few blocks from the precinct when Jamie felt comfortable enough to ask her questions.

"Hey Janko can we talk?"

"Um yea, what's up"

"About you" Jamie said gently

"I'm good" Eddie said quickly

Her hair was down and in her face as Jamie stopped at a red light. He turned in his seat and pushed a few strands behind her ear.

"Eddie you don't have to put up a front with me. I wouldn't expect you to be totally normal about all this" Jamie said

"Jamie, I'm fine"

"Why won't you just talk to me? Why do you keep fighting it?" Jamie asked her as she pushed his hand away

"I'm not ok. Why do have this need for me to feel like some broken little girl? Does it make you feel better to put me all back together?" Eddie bit back

"Ed, no. You know I'm not like that"

"You are though, you told me that yourself"

"Ok maybe I'm a little like that but I'm not trying to fix you or put you back together. I just want you to talk to me, I mean you never shut and now you've taken a vow of silence"

"I have a lot on my mind in case you haven't noticed"

"I have and that's why I want you to know you can talk to me. You have everyone surrounding you and asking how you're doing and what they can do but it doesn't matter because that empty lonely feeling doesn't go away over night. I'm not telling you to talk to me because we're best friends or because we have feelings for each other. I'm telling you to talk to me so you don't feel so alone, dammit Janko I know what it feels like and if I can maybe spare you the smallest bit of that pain I would"

Jamie looked at her as he parked outside the grocery store. He could see that he pushed to far once again.

"Um, I'll be right back ok. I'll just run in and get stuff for dinner" he said gently

"Jamie" Eddie said, voice wavering

He froze and sat his butt back down.

"I've never felt more alone in my whole life" Eddie choked out

"Aww Ed" Jamie said turning to face her

"I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry" Jamie said putting his hand on her shoulder

"It's really irritating that you know how I'm feeling even when I don't want you to" She said scrubbing a hand over her face

"I think we're more alike than we'd care to admit" he said kissing her head

"At my moms funeral, there was a church full of people and I had never felt more alone. Pops was keeping my dad going. Erin was still married to Jack and they had Nicky. Danny and Linda had each other and the boys and Joe had Angie. And as much as they all tried to support me, especially Joe I felt alone. I was really close with my mom and even though all those people were there, the one I wanted, needed wasn't. And at least for me, was terrifyingly lonely" Jamie said

"I just, There's like this whole in my chest you know? Like every time I breath it hurts and I feel like I'm gonna did"

Jamie nodded but didn't say anything, he got out of the car and went to Eddie's said and opened her door.

"What the?" Eddie asked as he got out

"Come here" Jamie said standing in front of her now

Eddie got out of the car and put her face between Jamie's neck and chest and tightly wrapped her arms around him. She wasn't as much as just trying to breath.

"Slow it down, breath deep. Do that weird yoga breathing you like" Jamie said running his hand up and down her back

When Jamie thought she had returned to breath normal he pulled back a tad.

"I promise you the empty, lonely feeling goes away. It's not over night but it gets better with time" Jamie said

"It's a godawful feeling" Eddie said

"It is" Jamie agreed and he put his hands on ever Side of Eddie's face and kissed her

"I'm not trying to fix you and anything Janko, I know I can't fix this. I'm just trying to be here for you, let you know you're not alone" Jamie said

"Thank you"

"I know we're together but we're not and it's complicated and I'm all in whenever your ready but don't think you can't talk to me because we're new. It's me Eddie, you know I'd do anything for you" Jamie said

"What?" Eddie asked looking at him confused

"I talked to Kara" he admitted

"Ah, and she just blabbed everything?" Eddie said slightly agitated they went behind her back

"No she didn't blab anything Janko. I said I was concerned because your keeping it all it and then exploding but still not really talking"

"Whatever"

"Eddie" Jamie said grabbing her arm "look she was just trying to help me understand why you won't open up to me. We're new but we're not new. You usually tell me everything even if I don't want to hear it. There's no reason you should feel like you can't talk to me about this just because we changed our relationship. That's all" Jamie said

"Yea I told her that's how I feel but I didn't expect her to tell you that. It just makes it more awkward" Eddie said

"Why is it awkward Eddie?"

"What me barely being a functional human being is a turn on Reagan? I've been mostly in sweats with no makeup my hair all over the place and now you want me to lay all my emotions out? It's a big turn off"

"I'm not looking to run here Ed. Aren't you the one that would say that guys should be able to handle you in sweats, eating pizza after a double?" Jamie asked

"It's different"

"How"

"Because it's you, because you always know exactly what the hell to say and it drives me nuts because and because we aren't traditional in the sense that you hide the crazy in the beginning. You've seen the good and the bad. You've seen me get beat up and you've seen me take down guys twice my size. You don't need to see how damaged I am to. At least not yet"

"You're not damaged Eddie, at least not to be" Jamie said gently

"Come on you gonna tell me that you disclose parts of you that you want to keep hidden on the first date"

"We haven't been on a first date yet" Jamie said

"That's my whole point Jamie. We're not traditional. We've been acting like we're together and we're not. I usually don't let the guy I'm dating see me without make up and in sweats until a few months"

"You know I think you're beautiful" he said kissing her head "Eddie you can wear a sack and I would still love you. Yea you're hot and it's one of the things I love about you but I also love how funny you are and smart and empathetic and how you interact with victims. And if I was shallow enough to care that I saw you crying then I wouldn't be good enough to date you. You already impress me without trying"

Eddie just sniffed looked away.

"Are you scared cause your comfortable with me? Because you'll open up to me when you don't want to talk to anyone else? I'm scared of that too Eddie. Stuff I told you about Vinny and Joe, I'm pretty sure only my sister knows. It scared me that I wanted to tell you"

"Maybe a little" Eddie said taking a deep breath "I'm scared, scared that you're gonna realize I'm too broken to put back together. That if I tell you what's going through my head right now that you'll think I'm crazy. That I'm too much or not worth it..."

"Stop right there. You are crazy but I already knew that." He said smirking "And Eddie look at me" Jamie said tilting her chin up "you are worth so much more than you'll ever know. It's worth helping you through all this, you gotta go through the stages of grief and it'll take time. I know that but I also know then when the real Eddie comes back, she's a pretty amazing person"

"What if I never get back to the old Eddie? I'm so angry that I don't even want to be around myself" Eddie said

"I know you don't want to hear it but you'll get less angry over time. I wasn't as angry when my mom died as much as sad because we knew it was going. I was angry at Joe, for Joe. Really really angry and it was no way to live but I couldn't see out of the anger. Then when I started poking around I got angry again, angry that other cops could do this. I took it out on Danny. It took us about a year after we took the Templar down for me not to be angry with Danny, that resulted in us shoving each other in the precinct"

"I don't want to be angry for a year but I also can't picture myself not being angry" Eddie said

"Opening up about things helps" Jamie said squeezing her hip

Eddie shivered and Jamie realized how long they had been in the parking lot.

"We'll talk later. You wanna stay here? I'll run in and get stuff for dinner?"

"I'll come, I need some other stuff"

"Just tell me"

"I don't trust you buying my shampoo" Eddie said

"Trust me with your life but not your hair care?" Jamie asked smirking

"Exactly" Eddie said giving him a weak smile

"Come on shorty" Jamie said holding his hand out for her

She wrapped her smaller hand around his and they walked into the grocery store and took a cart.

"Remind me to get shampoo, I'm tired of smelling like flowers"

"But flowers smells good"

"Well Yea on you" Jamie said as if he was staring the obvious

"I got it" Eddie said pushing the cart

"Try not to crash" Jamie said

"Funny" Eddie deadpanned

"Come on lets make this quick" Jamie said

"What do we need for dinner?"

"I'm gonna get chicken, pasta and vegetables. Little bit of butter and cheese. You had it when you stole my left overs a few months ago"

"You got punched in the jaw and it hurt to chew" Eddie said

"Thankfully you listened to what ever weirdo you were dating and decided to go on a juice and smoothie diet"

"I really missed food"

"Yea well you were hangry af" Jamie said smirking

"He told me I should lose a few and tone up"

"He was an ass"

"Yup" Eddie said

"I think all the butter and cheese might be too much. I haven't eaten a lot lately. My stomachs still all over the place"

"You need a good meal in you, I realize I sound like Pops. I won't use a lot and I'll keep some plain. I promise it won't upset your belly" Jamie said

"Thanks" Eddie said

They shopped around for the vegetables when Eddie tossed some bananas in.

"That's a fruit Janko"

"I know that" Eddie said rolling her eyes "what do you want for breakfast tomorrow"

"I'll just grab cereal or oatmeal or something. The more important question is what do you want?"

"I probably won't have anything"

"You're gonna need something. Ed your uniform was hanging off you"

"It was until I tightened the belt"

"You need to take care of yourself too"

They finished in the produce when Jamie walked to the pasta aisle.

"Hold on don't skip that one" Eddie said turning down the aisle that made Jamie blush"

"Ugh really?" Jamie groaned

"Yes really Reagan and plus shampoo is at the end of it"

Eddie threw a few boxes in their cart while Jamie tried not to look at her or the box of pads and tampons she tossed in.

"You can relax you made it through the scary section" Eddie said nudging him

"It's not that, I'm fine with that. It's just weird you and that"

"Would you like to use real words?" Eddie asked him smirking

"I'm good. It was just..."

"More of a private thing. I'm just messing with you" Eddie said

"Here we go" Jamie said rolling his eyes

"Alright you don't want flowers so what do you want?" Eddie asked him tossing her shampoo and conditioner in the cart

"$20 for shampoo? And it's not a 2-in-1? That's insane" Jamie said

"Compared to what my hair dresser tries to get me to buy it's cheap" Eddie said "2-in-1 only works if your a guy or your hair's really short. You complaining about my hair?"

"No, no. No complaints. It's a great head of hair. I actually like it a lot"

"You're a dork" Eddie said

"Come on shorty" Jamie said tossing men's dove into the cart

They got the pasta and some cereal and went to check out. Jamie took his wallet out of his back pocket when Eddie stopped him.

"Come on Reagan, it's like all my stuff. I can spring for your dumb 2-in-1 shampoo"

"Eddie I don't mind" Jamie said

"Well I do. So I'm paying. Plus you wanna buy my tampons?"

"I mean I would" Jamie said

"I got it, but thank you" Eddie said

They grabbed their bags went out and put them in Jamie's trunk. Eddie got in and turned to look at her.

"What?" Eddie asked

"We just went grocery shopping together" Jamie said

"Yea I guess we did" Eddie said reaching for his fingers

"You doing ok?" Jamie asked her

"When are you gonna stop asking me that?"

"When I know you're ok"

"If you know I'm not ok then why do you keep asking?"

"I'm trying to judge your level okayishness"

"You're ridiculous" Eddie said

Once they got back to Eddie's they brought all the bags up and dumped them on the counter"

"I thought you two got lost" Kara said walking out

"Well if you hadn't blabbed to Reagan he wouldn't have felt the need to have a conversation"

"I didn't blab anything Eddie, were both worried about you" Kara said

"Oh I know, we had to talk about it. And apparently we're gonna talk about it some more" Eddie said rolling her eyes

"Maybe if you just said it up front we wouldn't be going back and forth all the time" Jamie said starting dinner

"You want an apron too Martha Stewart?" Eddie asked poking him in the stomach

"I'm good" Jamie said swatting her hand away

They finished making dinner when Jamie asked her if she wanted the plain food or the regular one.

"You didn't use a lot right?"

"I tried not to, but I'm Irish and our idea of a little bit of butter is dinner than everyone else's. I used less than normal though"

"Alright I'll have the one with butter and cheese"

"Ok" Jamie said giving her and Kara each a plate and making himself one

"It looks good Jamie, thanks for cooking dinner. It's always nice when I don't have to cook"

"It looks good" Eddie said taking a small bite

"Eddie you have to eat" Kara said

"I know I'm working on it" Eddie said shoving her food around on her plate

"You're not gonna make me make airplane noises are you?" Kara asked her

"I was good at those with the boys" Jamie said "until Sean nailed me with the bowel of food in my face" Jamie said shaking his head

"Don't force it guys, please" Eddie said

Jamie and Kara backed off and Eddie ate most of the small plate Jamie had given her

Once they were sure she wasn't going to eat anymore Kara told her to shower and get ready for bed and that she would clean up.

"How'd your talk go?" Kara asked as she put the plates in the dishwasher

"She got defensive and then agitated and then told me she's worried she's damaged and that the anger is consuming her"

"Wow" Kara said

"I just tried to reassure her but I told her we needed to talk about it more" Jamie said

"She'll get through it Jamie, how could she not with us?" Kara asked putting her hand on his shoulder

"I hope so" Jamie said

"Now why don't you make yourself useful and dry the dishes while I finish washing"

Jamie picked up the dish towel as Kara handed him the pan to dry

They were almost done the dishes when Eddie walked out freshly showered and in pajamas.

"Cute pjs" Jamie said smirking

"Shut it, they're comfy" Eddie

Jamie walked up to her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"I'm gonna go shower and change and then we'll talk, ok?"

"We don't have to talk" Eddie said

"I think we should" Jamie said kissing her forehead

As Eddie heard the shower turn on she turned to Kara.

"I liked him better before he wanted to talk about everything" Eddie said

"He's trying to help you. That boy loves you" Kara said

"I know he does" Eddie said

Jamie wasn't much longer and then he walked out in pajama pants and a t-shirt, hair still wet.

"You use your manly shampoo so you don't smell like flowers?"

"I did" Jamie said laughing

"Well I am so happy you're all unshriveled now that you have man shampoo"

"Get outta here" Jamie said shaking his wet hair at her

"Ok Shaggy" Eddie said pushing him away

"Where do you two want to talk, I'll find another room" Kara said

"I guess my room, but we really don't need to talk" Eddie said

Jamie just shot her a look and guided her to her room where he gently shut the door. Eddie laid on her bed and curled into her pillow.

"What, no sleeping just yet" Jamie said laying down next to her

"Jamie we talked, we're good"

"Ok then I'll talk. Ed I just want you to know you can talk to me about anything. I don't think you're weak or damaged or anything else. Your angry and sad and that's totally normal given the circumstances. It took a while for us to get her, I'm not letting go that easily" Jamie said running his hand over her leg

"You promise?" Eddie asked

"Promise" Jamie said nodding

"I don't always know how to explain how I'm feeling, and getting mad at you is easier than dealing with anything else"

"I don't know how I turned into the bad guy here but if that's what you need go for it" Jamie said

"Jamie" Eddie said looking up at him

"Yea"

"How do I get through tomorrow, because I'm not sure that I can"

"You can, I promise you that you can. You're strong and you have plenty of people to lean on and help you through it. It won't be easy but you just take it one second at a time. One foot in front of the other, and when you need us we'll be right there"

"I don't know where we stand but screw the department, will you sit with me tomorrow?"

"Of course, and I think that we're done riding together"

"I know, but I'd rather have this, have you" Eddie said

"Me too"

They laid there for a while when Jamie had started to fall asleep. Eddie quickly got up and went to the bathroom. Kara was already asleep on the sofa so Eddie laid a blanket on top of her and turned off all the lights. She walked back into her room and saw Jamie mostly asleep.

"Ed?" He asked opening one eye

"Yea I'm good, my stomach bothered me. I told you it was too much food" Eddie said

"I'm sorry, I really thought it would have been good for you" Jamie said

"It's ok, it was good. I think anything would upset my stomach though"

"You're not getting an ulcer are you?" Jamie asked growing concerned

"I don't think so. I just don't think I've eaten enough and all the stress" Eddie said trailing off

"Why don't you get some sleep" Jamie said as Eddie curled into a ball

"You'll be comfier if you stretch out" Jamie said getting under the blankets

"No my stomach still hurts" Eddie said

"Just try and sleep ok?" Jamie said as he put his hand on her belly

"I love you Jamie" Eddie said putting her hand on top of his

"I love you too Janko"

He heard Eddie start to fall asleep and laid there looking at her form in the dark and wondered what he could do to help her. He felt her moving around so he turned on his side and put his arm around her, spooning her.

"Shhhh" He whispered "It'll be ok" He said quietly before he started to fall back asleep

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I hope you all liked the chapter! Don't forget to review, please! I think there will be two chapters left. Maybe three I'm still trying to figure it out.


	13. Chapter 13

Hey everyone sorry for the slow update. I was enjoying the last bit of summer and then school started again and I didn't have enough time. Sorry for any confusion, I had accidently posted a chapter for Partners and Reagans on here and I didn't realize after I deleted it that it would still show as updated. So don't worry, you haven't missed a chapter!

* * *

"Eddie how you making out in there? I need you to zip me" Kara asked on the other side of Eddie's door

"She still won't come out?" Jamie asked Kara as he walked over buttoning his cuffs

"Nope. Won't open the door. Can you zip me?"

"Yea turn around" Jamie said

He quickly zipped Kara's black dress when Jamie figured he would give it a shot.

"Eddie, come on we gotta get going" Jamie called through the door

"Ed, at least open up for us" He said softly

"I didn't know we were going to need the battery ram today" Kara said

"Is it locked?" Jamie asked

"I didn't check, I didn't want to just walk in, I'm sure this isn't easy" Kara said

"Eddie, please can we come in"

"Eddie, sweetie we're gonna open the door ok?" Kara called out

She put her hand on the knob and Jamie nodded

"We're coming in Janko"

"Ed?" Jamie asked looking around

When they went in the didn't see her. All of a sudden Jamie saw blonde hair peeking out above the bed.

"Hey Eddie" Jamie said gently, walking around to the space between the bed and window where Eddie was sitting on the floor in her bra and stockings.

Next to her was a box of momentos and pictures and a small bunny.

"You gotta get dressed babe" Kara said standing next to Jamie

"You wanna tell us what's in the box?" Jamie asked her

She hasn't looked at them or spoken yet.

Jamie looked at Kara and he stepped across her and they both lifted her up onto the bed.

Jamie gently sat next to her and put his arm around her.

"We're right here for you Eddie, we're not going anywhere but you need to say something. This is freaking me out" Jamie said

"What... what is there to say" Eddie said quietly

"Do you think you can get dressed?" Kara asked gently

Eddie nodded and wobbled as she stood and Jamie caught her.

"Easy" He said plating a kiss on her temple

Kara unzipped the back of the dress and put it in front of Eddie to step into. Jamie zipped it up and put on the necklace that Kara had handed him.

"You look beautiful" Jamie said

"Eddie, come try to eat a little something" Kara said

"Yea it'll be good for you" Jamie encouraged

"Um, ok" Eddie said

They helped her out to the kitchen and Jamie was getting coffee mugs out of the cabinet when Kara walked over to him and started talking quietly.

"Jamie she's borderline catatonic, what do we do?"

"I don't know, I've never seen her like this. I tried getting a pulse but she moved her hand away"

"I'll get it" Kara said

She went over and asked to look at Eddie's bracelet. She kept her fingers on her pulse point as best as she could without letting on.

"I think it's ok, I got what I could" Kara said quietly to him

"What do you want to eat babe?" Jamie asked her

"Something light" Eddie said

"ok" Jamie said placing the coffee mug, mixed just how she liked it in front of her.

"If coffee doesn't help her I don't know what to do" Jamie whispered to Kara

"Drink a little for me? I made it just the way you like" Jamie said

Eddie nodded and picked up the mug and sipped the hot liquid.

"Nice work" Kara whispered to him

"Here's some toast with peanut butter" Kara said putting the plate in front of Eddie

"We should leave soon" Eddie said staring at the toast

"Hey Ed, what's going on? I thought you were doing ok?" Jamie asked kneeling in front of her

"I don't know how to do this" Eddie said

"That's why you have us" Kara said

"We just wanna help, but we can't if you don't talk to us"

"I thought I was ok, until I looked in the box"

"What was in the box?" Kara asked gently

"My childhood. Or what I was allowed to keep of it after the feds took what they needed. It was all the good memories before everything happened. He won't get to see any more good memories" Eddie said steeling herself

"Oh Eddie" Kara said hugging her and Jamie gently rubbed her knee

"I shouldn't have opened it. I thought it would help but it didn't"

"That's ok, we were just really worried about your catatonic like state" Jamie said

"Sorry" Eddie said looking down

"Nothing to be sorry for" Jamie said

"You think you're ready to go?" Kara asked

"Yea I am. I don't know what happened earlier. It was like an out of body experience"

"That's ok" Jamie said

* * *

Eddie didn't want to rent a limo or anything so Jamie had offered to drive them over since Kara's husband was meeting them there.

Eddie stood outside of the funeral home and took a deep breath before she walked in, Jamie and Kara on her heels. She was not expecting anyone to be there, maybe a few cousins that said they'd try to make it, and Kara's husband but she was not expecting to the Reagans and over half of the 12th precinct.

"Whoa"

"We told you, you're not alone" Kara said putting her arm around Eddie.

"Thank you" Eddie said as she felt Jamie put his arm around her. She felt her eyes start to well up but she knew she couldn't cry, not over someone that was supposed to be a convicted felon.

"It's ok to let it out" Jamie whispered

"You better go start the receiving line" Kara said to her

Eddie wiped her eyes and nodded and walked up to where the urn with her father's ashes were sitting on a decorated table.

Eddie was standing up there greeting those that came to pay their respects to father, but she knew most of the people in the room didn't even know who her father was. Her eyes were darting around wildly when she finally caught Jamie's attention. He had been talking with Danny and Linda when he noticed that Eddie looked like she was gonna escape out of there like a bat out of hell.

"You ok?" He whispered to her

"I don't know if I can do this" Eddie said quietly to Jamie

"You can Eddie. Everything turned out really nice. You and Kara did a great job" He said placing his hand on the small of her back

"Ok" Eddie said nodding as some of her cousins made their way up to her

Jamie could tell she was a little surprised that they had shown up, she had told him and Kara that she wasn't sure that they would come but surprisingly they did.

"Hey Eddie, how are you doing?" Henry asked, leading the family up to her and Jamie

"I'm ok. Thank you for coming. I don't know how to thank all of you enough for everything you've done for me the last few weeks. I'm sure you all have better things to do on a Saturday"

"You're apart of this family, of the NYPD family, of course we are here" Frank said putting a hand on her shoulder

"Thank you" Eddie said, managing to keep her words together

Eddie had been in line talking to everyone who came in, they were getting ready to take their seats for the service when someone walked in and stood very close to Eddie.

Jamie and Kara looked at each other and knew something was off about this guy.

"Why the hell are you celebrating this crook's life, we should be celebrating the fact that he's finally dead. He got what was coming to him"

Eddie looked up and instantly stepped back.

Jamie and Kara were next to her in seconds.

"Sir I think it's best you leave" Jamie said putting his hand on the butt of his gun. Next thing he knew Kara's was out and Danny and Maria were walking up to them.

"I'm allowed to be here, it's a free country" He yelled

"Not to menace and intimidate it's not"

"This man took everything from us, and this bitch. Well she's doing just fine now" He spat

"Look Andy, I know I can never make up for what my father did, but he also didn't deserve to get killed"

"Someone should've killed him a long time ago, and you" He yelled grabbing for Eddie's throat as she tried to fight him off. "I'm not the only one that thinks that, you better watch yourself Janko"

"You really wanna threaten a NYPD cop in front of a bunch of NYPD cops?" Danny yelled running over

"You're a cop" He said releasing Eddie's throat

Before he could release her throat Jamie had put his gun away and punched him in the stomach while Kara covered him. Frank's detail came up and took the arrest so the rest of the Reagan's could focus on Eddie.

"You're under arrest" Jamie said as he got him to the ground

Frank's detail cuffed him and immediately took him out of the building, to find that there were others out there that wanted to take a swing at Eddie. The rest of the 12th precinct headed outside to aid in the arrest when Renzulli walked up to her.

"Janko, are you ok? You need a bus?"

"No, no" Eddie said, eyes darting around mad

"His uh, his family probably lost the most amount of money because of the scheme my dad ran" Eddie said dryly as she subconsciously rubbed her neck

"Let me see" Jamie said gently as he moved her hands out of the way.

As soon as Jamie made contact, she flinched.

"It's ok, just me" Jamie said quietly

"Here you go Janko" Maria said handing her a bottle of water

"Thanks" She managed to get out

Her hands were shaking so Biaez took one in her own and squeezed.

"I know what's it's like to mourn a person that society didn't think much of. Call me anything you need me ok?" She said hugging her

"Thank you" Eddie said nodding

Henry walked up and gave her a strong hug and put his scarf around her neck.

"It will look much better on you than me" He whispered to her

Eddie couldn't get any words out. Henry was the one that had taken care of her like a grandfather the last few weeks, and this gesture made her want to just crumble to the floor and cry. She hugged him back, not letting go.

"Anyone tries anything again, I'm packing and they are gonna have to get through me first" Henry said, which made Eddie give him a small smile.

"You sure you're ok?" Jamie asked as he led her to one of the family sitting rooms.

"I told you this was a bad idea" Eddie said

"The Commissioner's detail is standing guard at all the doors and they increased patrol in the area, you're safe Eddie" Kara said sitting on her other side

"I think we better just cancel it. I don't even know how it got out to the papers. It should've been private"

"I think the funeral home just prints it, I'm sure they didn't even realize" Kara said squeezing her shoulder

"Anyone else still possibly in here that could hurt Eddie?" Jamie asked

"No, they kicked out two people who claimed to be some long lost family members but your cousins denied knowing them" Kara said

"I only know that four of my cousins are here. Armin, Sophia, Nikolas and Lena" Eddie said

"Alright, let me go check" Kara said getting up

"Hey Sarge" She said on her way out

"Eddie you doing ok?" Tony asked as he walked in

"Yea everyone got to work quick enough" Eddie said subconsciously touching her neck

"No one will get to you now Eddie. We'll keep a radio car on your building and keep you in house if necessary. I'm sorry we didn't think there would be any threats"

"Who shows up to a funeral and makes threats? It's not live I'm living and profiting off this money and living on Park Ave in a penthouse" Eddie said angerly

"I'm allowed to miss my dad, aren't I?" She asked in a much weaker voice

"Of course Eddie, no matter what he was your father" Tony said giving her a hug

Before Eddie could respond Kara came running back in.

"No one in your family named Alexander that would be here?" Kara asked worriedly

"I had a cousin Alex but he died of cancer when he was 15 and I was 14"

"Well I think someone's trying to impersonate him then" Kara said

"Oh God" Eddie said putting her head in her hands

"He will not get to you" Jamie said forcefully and wrapping an arm around her

"You don't know that. This was a bad idea" Eddie said shaking her head

"Hey just cause your mom didn't want to come to the funeral doesn't mean you don't deserve to greave like any other person, Eddie. Yea your dad did a bad thing but he did his time, he wasn't a bad person"

"He was a great dad most of my life" Eddie said

"And you are allowed to honor him in anyway that you want" Jamie said

"Eddie he won't get to you, I promise" Tony said

"Thanks Sarge" Eddie said

"And Janko"

"Yea" Eddie said looking up

"I liked your dad. God knows no one is perfect, in the end he wanted to do the right thing by you and even went above and beyond with wanting to testify. You're allowed to be sad and angry and hurt. I give you permission" Tony said

"Thanks Sarge" Eddie said a little more relaxed

"I'm going to go talk to the Commissioner's detail and see what intel they have on who ever is trying to impersonate your cousin. Anyone you can think of that really had it out for your dad"

"No it can't be" Eddie said standing up

"Anyone get a picture of this guy? Any cameras?" Eddie asked in full police mode

"Don't just sit there Reagan" Eddie said to him

"You heard her" Tony said

"What is it?" Jamie asked as they walked out of the room to find his father's detail

"Dad can your guys see if there were cameras anywhere that might have caught a picture of him"

"I'm on it" Detective Nuceifiro said

"Sir, Commissioner. There was a guy who was a few years older than me, same highschool and everything. His father had his on ponzi scheme going except he was also a wanna be mobster and had some other charges against him than just RICO charges. Anyway, my dad exposed this guy's ponzi scheme he was charged and convicted and then it came out a few years later about my dad and well the kid wanted revenge. The father was killed in prison, kid had already been unhinged. he threatened me a few times, I had a restraining order aginst him but he only ever violated it one. I think it might be him. About 6'3, dark hair last I heard about him. His name was Louis Santilla" Eddie said rambling off as everyone tried to write down what she was saying

"You think you could ID him from the picture?" Frank asked

"He had a knife to my throat, I'll never forget him" Eddie said coldly

"Good work Officer Janko" Frank said proudly

"Alright we got video ID, came it with a fedora and long coat of carrying flowers. It's not the best picture but hopefully we get something" Jim said walking back over

"Everyone in here has had their ID's checked and vetted. He can't get to you in here" Tony said

Frank, Jamie, Tony, Eddie and Jim were still standing around in a circle with Kara when Danny walked up to them.

"What's going on? Everything ok?" Henry asked

"Funeral is going to be delayed just a little, can you make an announcement?" Frank asked his father

"I'll tell my best Armin stories" Henry said

"Pop you knew him for like a week"

"We chatted" Henry said walking away

"Remind me to buy your grandfather the best bottle of scotch I can afford on a beat cop's salary" Eddie said laughing

"We'll get him Eddie don't worry" Jamie said putting his arm around her without thinking

He caught his father's eye but chose to ignore it.

"Jamie's right" Kara said "Room full of cops he messed with the wrong person"

"I just wanted everything to be perfect for my dad. I owed him that" Eddie said sighing

"Why don't we start, we have all the doors covered. Everything will be fine" Frank said

"OK" Eddie said nodding "Can I just have a second alone?"

"Of course, take all the time you need" Frank said as everyone went to go find their seats except for Jamie

He gave her the once over and how she wasn't crying was beyond him. He didn't think he stopped crying the day of his mom's funeral but here Eddie was helping them take out the bad guys in her dress and heels.

"You ok?" Jamie asked gently, he could tell without everyone around her facade was cracking

"No, none of this is ok" Eddie said sadly

"What can I do for you?" Jamie asked her

"Nothing" Eddie said shaking her head

Jamie pulled her in for a hug and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You're doing great, babe" He whispered to her

"We better get started" Eddie said walking into the service area

Jamie took his seat next to Eddie with Kara on the other side of Eddie. She placed a few things up at the podium before the service began.

"I don't have a good feeling" Eddie whispered to Kara and Jamie

"What do you mean?" Kara asked her

"Louis, the guy from before there's no way he just gave up"

"It's completely closed off, he can't get to you in here" Jamie said

"You tell me to trust my gut right? Well that's what it's telling me. I just don't want any more blood on my father, he deserves better than that, especially today" Eddie said

"We got your back Eddie, don't worry" Kara said placing a hand on her shoulder.

The minister started the service and talked about Armin as a loving father, and how all he wanted was to make sure he provided Eddie with the best possible life, even if he didn't go about it in the proper way. Eddie had wrestled with the idea if she should speak at the funeral or not. She ultimately decided she would. It was time for her to go up. She had already placed her note cards and a bottle of water at the podium. She took a deep breath before she stood and headed to the front of the room.

"Hi everyone, I would just like to thank you all for coming out today to celebrate the life of my father, Armin Janko. I know most of you did not know him but I appreciate you taking the time to be here. My father was a lot of things, for better and for worse but there is no denying how much he loved me. My childhood with him was picture perfect, he was my coach, my tutor, my instructor, a dance dad, a lunch dad and yes even at one time my moral compass. I know my father made a big mistake and while his motives may have been in the right place it was still wrong. He knew what he did was not right and he spent years trying to explain himself to me, but it fell upon deaf ears. We slowly started to rebuild our relationship a few years back and I couldn't be more grateful that I did not wait until it was too late. While I may have questioned what originally happen this time, he ended up doing the right thing and I could not be any more proud of him" Eddie said as she caught something out of the corner of her eye, but she continued.

"I am proud that he was my father, in all the lessons he taught me, the most important one was forgiveness. I was more at peace with my self after I forgave him, while he wasn't perfect, none of us are he was still my dad and I was still his little girl. I'll always be a daddy's girl and no matter what that will never change. I love you dad" Eddie said as she reached into her pocket.

In a split second after she finished speaking she pulled out her gun out of the pocket of her dress.

"POLICE, DROP YOUR WEAPON" Eddie yelled at she took aim

Louis had gotten up the side room and come into the service area undetected. He was waving his gun around wildly

"Look don't hurt anyone else, you came for me right? Don't hurt any of them" Eddie said, not lowering her weapon

Before she could get a clear shot half the room had their off duty weapons out and everyone was climbing over each other to get to Louis. He had managed to slip up the side and was closing in on Eddie when Jamie turned to see Louis' hands around Eddie's neck.

"You think I wouldn't finish what I started?" Louis yelled to Eddie.

Eddie was clawing his hands away, she hadn't take a shot since there were too many people in the way, the next thing she new she heard gun fire before falling to the floor.

* * *

Hi everyone! I am so sorry for the lack of updates. I enjoying summer and getting ready for school. I also had terrible writers block and didn't know where I wanted to take this story. So what do you think happened to Eddie?


	14. Chapter 14

Hi everyone. I am really sorry for the delay. I got injured last week and ended up in the hospital and now I need surgery. So I have been trying to juggle school with everything. Hopefully I will be able to update shortly. We are getting closer to the end of this story. I think there will be one more chapter. Don't forget to leave a review!

* * *

As Jamie was making his way up to Eddie he heard his father yell please don't hurt my family. Out of sheer reflex he lunged for Eddie and got her to the ground just in time to see his father's bullet hit Louis. How, out of everyone in that room didn't have a clear shot but his father, he would never know. He looked up at his dad and nodded.

"Eddie, you ok?" Jamie asked hastily as he brushed her hair out of her face

"Yea, yea I think so" Eddie said touching her neck "But how, his hands, my neck, who?" Eddie asked slightly disoriented

"My dad got him. Reagan family tradition, it's how I knew to get you to the ground. He can't hurt you anymore" Jamie said hugging her

"I tried, I didn't have a clear shot. He was coming for me, but how?" Eddie said still rambling against Jamie's chest

"Shh, it's ok. You're safe" Jamie said knowing he would fill her in later

Frank's detail had cold cuffed him. Since it was now a crime scene they would all need to provide statements before they could leave.

"How?"

"He hid in a coffin and then stuck a needle in the officer's neck that was at the side door" Renzulli said waking over to them, suit all disheveled

"Is the officer ok?" Eddie asked worriedly

"Yea, it was a paralytic, apparently part of this guy's own stash for when he goes into a psychotic episode like to day" Tony said

"Let's get you up Eddie" Tony said holding out his hand for her

Eddie carefully took hid hand and stood on her shaky feet.

"Easy, easy" Tony said steadying her

Jamie was up and with an arm around Eddie in an instant.

"I got it Sarge" Jamie said

"What happens next?" Eddie asked

"The ME is coming to take the body. The Commissioner's detail is in charge of the investigation"

"He, he saved my life" Eddie said still in a state of shock

"PC is still a hell of a shot" Tony said

"Thank you Sargent" Frank said walking over

"Of course Sir"

"Sir, thank you" Eddie said fumbling with her words

"I'm just glad Jamie got to you in time" Frank said smiling at his son

"I talked to the funeral director and the luncheon people and they said we can continue the rest of this at the luncheon after the interviews are finished" Frank said "I told them to make it quick"

"Thank...Thank you" Eddie said

"Let me go speed them along" Frank said

"Sir" Eddie said and Frank stopped in his tracks.

"Yes Officer Janko"

"Thank you for everything" Eddie said nodding as she felt her eyes start to water

"You're family Eddie" Frank said, giving her a small smile

"Hey why don't we go sit" Jamie said gently

"I just, I can't believe it all played out this way"

"And I thought the Reagans were a circus" Jamie said giving her a small smile

* * *

Everyone finished giving their statements and then they were are able to go to the luncheon.

Jamie and Eddie were sitting with Kara and her husband at the table along with Renzulli and his wife and the rest of the Reagans.

"Is it time to go? I think I'm done with today?" Eddie asked

"Almost, people have been coming to say goodbye" Jamie said

"I still can't believe this many people showed up"

"Why sweetie?" Kara asked

"I mean someone wanted to kill me at his funeral because of my father's past history" Eddie said

"Yea well he shouldn't have shown up at a funeral with a bunch of cops" Jamie said "But thank God he did"

"Eddie your dad did a bad thing but he wasn't a bad person. People make mistakes. People also care about you" Kara said

"I guess" Eddie said

"You can't keep feeling guilty for what your dad did. It wasn't his fault. Family is all any of us have, once you make peace with what your dad did you will stop blaming yourself" Jamie said

"I hate to say it but Reagan's right. No one here judges you for what your dad did so you shouldn't judge yourself for it" Kara said

"It's no way to live" Jamie said

"I guess" Eddie said quietly "I just think I've had enough for today" Eddie said

"Only a few people left" Jamie said looking around

Once everyone left they gathered their things and walked to the door.

"Thanks Kara, for everything" Eddie said hugging her

"Of course" Kara said hugging her back tightly

Once Kara left with her husband Jamie helped Eddie into her coat and turned to look at her.

"It's all over now Janko" He said putting his hand on her shoulder

"I know. I know" Eddie said quietly

"You place or mine?" Jamie asked her

"I'm gonna go to mine. I just want to be alone tonight" Eddie said

"No one wants to be alone after a funeral Eddie"

"I do" Eddie answered quickly

"I already canceled all my big plans for tonight, hot date and everything" Everything Jamie said putting his arm around her as they walked to his car.

"You're a terrible liar Reagan" She said giving him a smile

"Come on I don't want to be alone tonight" Jamie said

"I just want to go lay in the middle of my bed and do nothing" Eddie said

"You do that even if I'm in the bed with you" Jamie quipped

"I'm not getting rid of you tonight am I?" Eddie asked

"Not a chance" Jamie said opening the car for her

"Anyone tell you that you're a pain in the ass, Reagan"

"All the time" He said getting in on his side

"Why won't you leave me alone?" Eddie asked as they started the drive back to her apartment

"Because you think that you want to be alone but you actually don't"

"I can't imagine you letting someone stalk you after your mom or Joe's funeral" Eddie said

"I'm not stalking you" Jamie said laughing "And no I wanted to be left alone but after my mom's, Joe wouldn't leave me alone and after Joe's Pop was basically my shadow. He knew that he needed to keep an eye on all of us since we were all sorta just floundering around. And he knew that he needed to especially watch me while I was home from school"

"God you guys even have funeral procedure nailed down to a tee" Eddie said rolling her eyes

"I would do anything to not know what to do" Jamie said sadly

"I know" Eddie said

"So you want to hole up in your bedroom that's fine but I'll be in the living room in case you need me" Jamie said

"I feel like the world all kept living and I'm just stuck" Eddie said

"That's how I usually felt but never knew how to say it. Like everyone around me was living their life and I was stuck in quick sand trying to breath" Jamie said

"That's... really accurate" Eddie said

"I wish I could take that away from you"

"I wouldn't have life your side either if we were friends when Joe was killed" Eddie said putting her hand on top of his

"Thanks" Jamie said squeezing her hand

"So are we gonna talk about what happened earlier?" Jamie asked pulling up to a red light

As soon as he mentioned talking about the funeral, Eddie went rigid and looked away.

"Ed" He said lightly rubbing her shoulder.

"No we're not. I can't, not right now" Eddie said

"Ok" Jamie said gently

They both were quiet the rest of the way. He figured he probably shouldn't have brought up the funeral and everything that happened but he knew she needed to talk about it.

They walked up to Eddie's apartment in silence and she went right into her room to change and Jamie stayed at the kitchen table, not wanting to get in her way.

He saw her come out of the bathroom in sweats but she never said anything to him. He heard her bedroom door close louder than usual and took it as her way of no talking. Jamie sighed and got up to get his own sweats to change.

Once he changed, he straightened up her living room and did the load of laundry that was sitting in her bathroom hamper. Her kitchen sink was a little leaky and he fixed that as well. He knew she wanted to be alone but he couldn't sit there and do nothing and he didn't want to disturb her with the TV. After a while he grabbed two bottles of water and two beers and made his way to her room.

He knocked lightly and when she didn't answer he tried the knob.

"Ed?" He said quietly as he walked in

"You awake?" He asked.

Just like she said she was laying on her stomach in the middle of the bed, head facing the wall with windows, never turning to look at him.

"I'm just checking on you" Jamie said putting everything on her nightstand and walking over to the other side of the bed so he could see her face.

Her eyes were open but she had tears streaming out of them. The sight before him was breaking his heart, he knew that if she had any energy left she'd be yelling at him for seeing her this way. He sat on the side of her bed and put his hand on her back.

Eddie knew eventually he'd get bored and come in and find her but she didn't want to talk, she just wanted to throw a pity party and block out the rest of the world.

"Hey, can I give you a hug?" Jamie asked gently as he tried to make eye contact with her

Eddie gave him the smallest of nods and sat up. Jamie stood up and pulled her up with him. He had one arm wrapped around her lower back and the other at her neck, his hand holding her head to his chest.

"Let it out ok?" Jamie said kissing the side of her head

Eddie held on to Jamie as her sobs overtook her body. She wanted to stop crying but the more she tried to stop, the harder she cried. Jamie just sat there, holding her and trying to console her. He eventually sat them back on the bed, never letting go of Eddie.

He kissed the side of her head and brushed some of her hair out of her face when her crying finally slowed. He knew there wasn't anything he could say that would make this better and he knew the superficial crap everyone says at a funeral would only piss her off. If she really didn't want him to see her like this she would've kicked him out of her room a while ago.

"I'm right here, I got you" He said quietly, the only thing he could think of to say was just to remind her that she wasn't alone.

She coughed and gagged for a second as her body willed her to stop crying and breath.

"You're ok, you're ok" He said quickly handing her the water "In your nose, out your mouth" He said calmly

She tried to breath but only coughed again.

"You gotta get some air" Jamie said untangling himself from her

He heard her let out a whimper as he got up to open the window.

"I'm not going anywhere" He said walking back from the window.

"Come here" He said pulling her to the floor in front of the window.

"Just breath the nice cool, fall air" He said, his hand never leaving her back

She was still taking shallow breaths and he knew she was panicking.

"Relax into me" He said pulling her shoulders back to open up her chest "You're ok"

Eddie did as he told her and she let Jamie pull her shoulders back, her hand in a death grip on his knee. She knew he was right behind her but the fact she couldn't see him, that his arms weren't around her made her feel lonely again.

Once he was done he pulled her back in for a hug and leaned against the wall.

"I love you Eddie, I do what ever you need me to" He said quietly into her ear.

She was half slumped against him, her crying had slowed and she finally felt like her lungs were working again. Jamie took the hair tie off her wrist and piled her hair up on her head to where she was sure she would need to cut the tie out of it.

"I'm sorry I tried pushing you to talk in the car and then I just came in here while you were upset" Jamie said

Eddie wiped her eyes with her sleeve and turned to face Jamie.

"I felt trapped in the car, I didn't want to talk and then I just panicked. I am glad you came in. I thought I wanted to be alone but then I was alone and sobbing and I have never been lonelier in my life" Eddie said putting her head in her hands.

"I am sorry about the car Eddie. I didn't want to make you feel worse" Jamie said kissing her head.

"Come on" He said getting off the floor

They moved back over to the bed and Eddie leaned against the headboard and Jamie leaned against her footboard.

"Can I ask you something?" Jamie asked her, breaking the silence

"I guess" Eddie said nervously

"You really didn't cry at the funeral, how'd you keep it all together?" Jamie asked putting his hand on her shin

"How could I be sad and upset that he's dead when he ruined so many people's lives? I didn't deserve to be able to be sad, so I told myself I had to keep it together"

"Eddie, come on you know that's not true" Jamie said now realizing how much guilt she still had

"You were at the same funeral as me right, someone wanted to kill me because of what he did" Eddie said, tearing up

"Eddie" Jamie said quietly as he thought back to the second where he thought she might have been dead

"You don't need to atone for your dad's mistakes. He paid his debt to society, he told me he wrote apologies to everyone he took money from. He really was sorry for what he had done to you and to them. You don't need anyone permission to be sad, you don't need to hide that from anyone. He was your dad Eddie, you're allowed to be sad" Jamie said moving up to where she was sitting

"You don't get it Jamie, I wouldn't expect you to. I'm a cop, how can a cop be upset over someone who broke the law. I might have forgiven him but it still doesn't make it right"

"No it doesn't. But you can be upset and angry because you were such a daddy's girl. He'll always be your dad, Eddie. He's still family. And anyone that tires to tell you differently will have to deal with me" Jamie said taking her hand

"I just wanted a second chance with him" Eddie said crying again

"I know, I know" Jamie said pulling her in for a hug again.

"Just don't let anyone tell you how you should be feeling. You didn't need to put on a brave face at the funeral for anyone but yourself. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. He's your dad, you feel how you want to" Jamie said hugging her tightly

"I miss him" Eddie said as she cried again into Jamie's shoulder

"I know you do" He said holding on tightly

After a while Eddie pulled back but as she did she caught a glimpse of Jamie's misty eyes.

"What?" She asked gently

"I hate seeing you this upset. And I keep thinking of those few seconds where I thought you were dead" He said blinking the rest of the water from his eyes

"I love you Eddie, I wish there was something I could do to take this away from you"

"I'm just happy you're here with me, and Jamie. I love you too" Eddie said

"I'm not going anywhere" Jamie said kissing her

"I don't know what I would have done if you had gotten hurt trying to protect me. I would never have forgiven myself"

"We're partners Eddie, or we are until we get reassigned. I promised to always have your back on the job, off the job doesn't change that"

"I tried to get him … but"

"But you were a total badass as you were speaking about your father at his funeral and still knew what to do. He would be really proud of you" Jamie said

"I know" Eddie said nodding

They sat quietly for a little before Eddie poked him in the shoulder.

"I'm awake" Jamie said opening his eyes

"How'd you know to hit the ground and take me with you?" Eddie asked

"Please don't hurt my family" Jamie said

"Yea I think I heard that at the funeral" Eddie said nodding

"No that's the signal. Pop taught it to my dad and he's drilled it into us since we were infants. Now the kids too. It means someone's got a shot and get your ass to the ground"

"Wow, ever use it before today?"

"Danny and Erin did at the holdup at the court house. It comes in handy"

"I mean your dad saved my life, so did you"

"Well it's his job" Jamie said

"I don't know what I would've done with you and your family and the 12th. You guys all really made sure I was doing ok. I really don't know what I would've done without you though" Eddie said kissing him

"You would've been ok, you're badass, Eddie. I'm just glad you let me help you even if I annoyed you too much" Jamie said kissing her back

"I just wish I could tell my dad he was right about us. After the first time you two met he told me that you were the only one he would feel comfortable being in his little girl's life. Obviously I rolled my eyes but I knew he was right"

"We do have a good thing don't we?" Jamie asked

"It's just a shame it took this to make us realize it" Eddie said sadly

"I know" Jamie said agreeing

"Just promise me you talk to me and let yourself be sad or angry or whatever it is. You're allowed to be all of those things" Jamie said

"I know" Eddie said quietly

"Come on, let's go see what leftovers are left in the kitchen, I'm hungry. You hungry yet?"

"Yea I think I'm hungry for the first time in weeks" Eddie said giving him a weak smile

"There's my Eddie" Jamie said taking her hand

He grabbed the beers and put them in the fridge and got cold ones out as they heated up some leftovers. While they were waiting Jamie handed Eddie hers.

"To Armin" Jamie said raising his bottle

"To my dad" Eddie said clinking her bottle with his


	15. Chapter 15

"Jamie, Jamie wake up" Eddie said in a panic when her clock said 11:15 am. She knew he missed church and she really didn't know what protocol was for that. It was different if they had a Sunday morning tour but she didn't think that him missing church because she was all cuddled up to him would be a plausible excuse to the Reagans.

"Huh what? You ok?" Jamie asked her, startling awake

"You overslept church" Eddie said in a panic

"Relax" Jamie said kissing her "I told my dad yesterday I wouldn't make it. Told him I needed to stay with a friend.

"A friend?" Eddie asked defensively

"You wanted me to tell him it was to sleep in the bed of a women I almost had sex with twice who is still currently my partner but we've been acting like we've been married for twenty years for the last few weeks" Jamie said giving her a look and pretending to look for his phone

"No, friend works" Eddie said

"I mean I'm sure he figured it out but still. It wasn't any of their business"

"So put your panicked self back to sleep because I'm still exhausted" Jamie said

"Why didn't you just tell me that last night"

"Beachside you cried, ate and then passed out" Jamie said laughing "You've really regressed to an infant"

"Shut up" Eddie said lightly slapping his stomach

"Come on roll over, go back to sleep ok" Jamie said getting comfy

Eddie backed her butt up right into his stomach and put her head on his arm. He leaned down and kissed her cheek and rubbed her arm and side until she fell asleep again.

It was well after one in the afternoon when they both woke up. Jamie had woken up first with a strong need to pee but Eddie was all tangled around him and he really didn't want to disturb her. He waited about as long as he could before he needed to figure out a way to get out of her.

He was mostly successful except for his left leg, which he wasn't quite sure how it was under Eddie but somehow they both slept great. He was pulling it out when Eddie stirred and rolled over, now most of her was back on Jamie.

He internally groaned and started the process again.

She started to wake up and Jamie realized it wasn't going to work.

"Unless you want a wet bed, I suggest you let me up" he whispered to her

She mumbled something but rolled to the other side. Once Jamie came back he pulled the blankets up over her and started to read is book. Eddie finally started to wake up and rolled over to look at Jamie intently reading.

"You're such a nerd" Eddie said, still waking up

"Good morning to you too, sunshine" he said marking his page

"Why are you up so early?"

"it's going on for two in the afternoon" He said looking at his watch

"Oh God, I slept that long?" Eddie asked

"Yea, you needed it" Jamie said "Come on I'm hungry so I'm sure you're hungry" Jamie said

"Just bring it to me, I don't plan of leaving my bed today"

"Nope come on, get up" Jamie said kissing her

"Can I just hide in here forever?" She asked pulling the blankets up

"No. You gotta get out of bed today. It's not something that you can put off, the sooner you do it the easier it is. Trust me, it's much easier to try than hide out" Jamie said pulling the blankets back

"Stop" Eddie said groaning

"Babe I promise you that trying to hide out from all of this won't make you feel any better"

"But staying under here will" Eddie said

"No it won't. You need to get up and put one foot in front of the other. You need to face it, Eddie. Yea you're still grieving but you need to work on processing it"

"Coming from you?" Eddie asked giving him a look

"Yea" Jamie said

"Why" Eddie said sitting up to face up

"Because I was hopping that.." Jamie said stopping to take her hand

"What?" Eddie asked

"I was hoping that you would come to family dinner with me" Jamie said, slightly nervous

"Excuse me?" Eddie coughed

"You know come with me to family dinner. As Eddie, my girlfriend"

"That's a joke right?" Eddie asked

"No I'm serious, I want you to come to dinner with me" Jamie said

"Why?" Eddie asked stunned

"I... I thought you would want to" Jamie said nervously

"What trade my family for yours?" Eddie asked bitterly

"Hey, Ed. If you don't want to go you can just tell me" Jamie said

"Why would you even suggest something like that? This isn't like you" Eddie said

"I just thought it would be nice if you came with me, got some homemade food, got out of the house for a little" Jamie said

"A day after my father's funeral?"

"I thought it would be good for you to be with people that care about you"

"Jamie they don't even know we're together" Eddie shot back

"I'm pretty sure they've figured it out by now" Jamie said

"Jamie you can't just replace my dad with your whole family" Eddie said

"I'm not trying to replace your dad Eddie, that's not possible. I just thought it might be a nice way to tell them"

"By having me all emotional showing up at your dad's house, who you know is my boss and asking them to feed me? What part of I don't want to get out of bed don't you get?"

"Go in your pajamas, we're a come as you are family"

"You're an idiot" Eddie said getting out of bed and going in to the bathroom

Jamie sat there trying to figure out why she wouldn't want to go with him. His family all liked her, they all knew and he thought it would be good for her to be around people that understood what she was going through"

He was planning on giving her a few more minutes before he went and knocked on the bathroom door, but she came back out.

"I thought you went in to avoid me" Jamie said

"No I had to pee, Jamie"

"Eddie I'm sorry if I overstepped when inviting you to dinner. I didn't think it would upset you."

"I just …" Eddie said

"What Eddie?" Jamie asked gently

"Never mind" Eddie said waving him off

"No Ed what?" Jamie pushed

"I don't, I don't know if I can see you with your family and not get jealous" Eddie said with a shaky voice

"Ed" Jamie said gently trying to hug her

"No don't, I don't want to cry" Eddie said shrugging him off

"You're allowed to cry" Jamie said

"I did enough of that yesterday, or did you forget the gut-wrenching sobs?" Eddie asked sarcastically

"No I didn't" Jamie said sadly "You're allowed to be sad and let yourself grieve. I get being jealous, after my mom died I was mad that my friends still had their moms but I didn't. It's ok to feel that way"

"What if I start crying there, I mean your dad is my boss"

"If you start crying I will just let you fend for yourself and eat your dinner myself" Jaime said nudging her with his shoulder

Eddie just rolled her eyes.

"I'll take you into another room and let you calm down, talk out whatever you need to" Jamie said putting his hand on her shoulder

"If I do go and I'm not saying I am but hypothetically what would your grandfather be making for dinner?" Eddie asked

"I think it's pot roast day" Jamie said

"I do like a good pot roast" Eddie said

"Good comfort food" Jamie said smiling

"It is isn't it?" Eddie said

"I love you" Jamie said laughing

"I love you too"

"Why do you want me to go with you today? I've been a crying mess for the last few weeks with very little sleep. Not a great first impression" Eddie said

"Then there's no act. You get them and they get you"

"I don't follow" Eddie said

"I don't care if you aren't totally yourself, you don't have to be on your best behavior. I just wanna spend the time with you, tell them about it. I mean there's no way Renzulli is putting us back together this week when you come back so might as well just tell them"

"I don't know, my emotions are all over the place" Eddie said

"It's ok, you have people to lean on, people that care about you. It might be nice to be with a family instead of just me. You've been telling me I've been hovering all week"

"Well you have been"

"It's because I care"

"It's because you only know how to be overprotective"

"What?" Jamie asked giving her a faked shocked look.

"You really think it's a good idea?" Eddie asked him

"I do"

"What if I get all upset or whatever?"

"And that would be different than any other day because?" Jamie asked

"Shut up" Eddie said laughing

"I'm serious Ed, I want you to come with me but only if you really want to" Jamie said

"I've heard about these dinners for years, about time I finally get to go to one" Eddie said

"Good"

"My reluctance didn't have anything to do with you or your family. I just want you to know" Eddie said nervously

"I know" Jamie said kissing her

"Come on what do you want for an afternoon snack because it's not even lunch time anymore and you wanna leave room for pot roast" Jamie said

"I always have room for pot roast" Eddie said seriously

"Of course you do" Jamie said taking her hand as they got out of bed

* * *

"Jamie" Eddie called out nervously

"Yea?" He asked walking into her bathroom where she was doing her makeup

"Is this ok? I'm not sure about this now"

"You look beautiful" Jamie said kissing her cheek

"No I'm serious. I look like I've aged twenty years and haven't slept in weeks"

"You haven't really slept in weeks" Jamie said

"Is my sweater ok? it's not to tight or low cut?" She asked playing with the neckline

"You look great"

"I don't know, my stomach seems iffy"

"My dad's house has several bathrooms" Jamie said leaning against the door frame

"Jamie"

"Ed do you not want to go now?" Jamie asked

"I'm just nervous"

"Hey look at me" Jamie said taking her makeup brush out of her hand

Eddie looked up at him.

"What do you want to do? I'll do whatever you want?" Jamie said

"I don't know" She said, eyes watering

"It's ok. I told you it's hard trying to resume your normal life" Jamie said hugging her from behind

"See I can't even get through getting myself together"

"It's ok Eddie. Weren't you the one that once told me it's okay to not be okay?"

"Maybe" Eddie said quietly

"I can go and make us plates and bring them back here if that would make you more comfortable" Jamie offered

"No that's crazy" Eddie said

"I'm just trying to help"

"I know, just give me some space to breath" Eddie said

"Alright, I'll stop hovering" Jamie said

"Sure" Eddie said taking her makeup brush back from Jamie and swiping it across his face

"You didn't?!" Jamie said laughing

"Oops" Eddie said giggling

"Yea, you're lucky you're cute" Jamie said squeezing her waist

"You still want to go, I just want to make sure you don't feel forced" Jamie said

"No I do, I guess it'll be good to get out of the house"

"Just let me know when ever you want to leave" He said walking out of the bathroom

* * *

Jamie pulled up in front of his dad's house and saw Eddie looked a little nervous.

"You sure you're allowed to bring strays to dinner?" Eddie asked

"You're not a stray" Jamie said rolling his eyes as he got out

He went over but Eddie had already opened her door. He took her hand as they started up the front walk.

"Just relax" Jamie whispered to her as they hit the front door

Jamie opened it and called out as they walked in. "Hey"

"In the sun room" Henry called out

Jamie walked into the sun room where the Yankees post-season game was on TV.

"I uh brought someone to dinner" He said, now slightly nervous as Eddie hid behind him

He gently tugged on her hand as everyone gave him a mixture of shocked but smug impressions.

"Hi everyone" Eddie said

"Welcome" Frank said smiling

"You missed my cooking?" Henry asked giving her a laugh

"You two really gonna try and play off just being friends?" Danny asked smugly

"Alright, calm down" Jamie said realizing he just fed himself and Eddie to a hungry pack of wolves.

"Eddie and I, we uh. We've been secretly dating since everything with her dad happened. It gave us both the wakeup call that life is short and we didn't want to keep spending it second guessing our partnership" Jamie said

"Welcome, Eddie" Erin and Linda both said giving her a hug

The kids had been playing outside by came bouncing into the sunroom and stopped when they saw Jamie holding hands with Eddie.

"Hi Officer Janko" The three of them said to her

"Just Eddie, guys" Jamie said smiling

"Hey" She said smiling

"So this all just..." Danny began

"What's with all the questions?" Jamie asked "We're hungry"

"It's almost ready" Henry said

"You two notify your sergeant?" Frank asked

"Yea dad" Jamie said rolling his eyes

"So how long?" Linda asked

"Few weeks" Jamie said

"You two have been inseparable lately" Erin said smiling

"You want us to draw you a timeline? I don't know where you're going with that sis" Jamie said

"We're surprised" Frank said before Danny cut in

"But not really" He said smirking

"I really like pot roast" Eddie blurted out and then instantly turned red. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard, not believing the words that came out of her mouth. Which got the kids laughing.

"Well good, I think it might be my best one yet" Henry said

"Go wash up" Linda told the youngest three.

"I'll set another place" Frank said

"Let me get another chair" Erin said following her father

Jamie could hear a hushed conversation but still made out what they were saying

"The Irish aren't really known for whispering" Jamie called out to them as he led Eddie over to the couch.

"You want anything, Ed?" Jamie asked her

"No I'm good thanks. Henry is there anything I can do to help?"

"Nonsense, you're our guest. We don't put anyone to work until at least their third family dinner" Henry said

"Are you sure, I don't mind" Eddie said trying to get up

"Of course, you deserve someone to wait on you right now"

"Thanks" Eddie said blushing

"I need to go check on the roast" He said getting up

"How are you doing?" Linda asked her

"I'm ok, this one here has been hovering nonstop" Eddie said putting her hand on Jamie's leg

"I'm glad you two finally saw what the rest of us saw" Linda said squeezing her knee as she got up

"Everyone wash up" Henry called out

"See you survived walking into the lion's den" Jamie said kissing her

Jamie got up and took her hand and as they were walking into the kitchen a picture caught Eddie's Eye"

"You were adorable" Eddie said giggling about Danny's highschool graduation picture "You look just like Joe"

"Yea we were pretty similar" Jamie said

"Your mom was beautiful" Eddie said squeezing his arm

"She was, inside and out" Jamie said leading her into the kitchen

Everyone took a dish and placed it on the dining room table. Eddie was now seated between him and Henry. He pulled out her chair and pushed it in for her when she was ready.

"You are house trained" Eddie said laughing

Jamie just rolled his eyes as he sat down next to her.

Once Frank made sure that everyone was seated he took a look around the table and saw how happy Jamie and Eddie both were. There was still a sadness behind Eddie's eyes that he knew only time would fade, but he wasn't sure he had ever seen his youngest this happy.

"I'll say grace tonight" He said

Eddie looked at Jamie nervously and he just took her hand in his and gave her a small nod.

Eddie just looked at Jamie the whole time the prayer was said and then blessed herself along with Jamie.

"Eddie we couldn't be more excited to have you with us for dinner"

"Thank you Commissioner"

"Hey we talked about this, it's Frank"

As everyone started to pass the food around Jamie kept glancing at Eddie knowing she was only putting about three bites of each on her plate. When she only put two small pieces of meat on her plate he stepped in.

"I know you eat more than that" He whispered as he added two big, juicy slices

"I don't"

"Just be yourself" He whispered back

"I would like to make a toast" Henry said standing up

Jamie instantly worried about what was going to come out of his grandfathers mouth.

"I just would like to welcome our new guest. Eddie we are thrilled you have finally joined us for dinner, we all have met you on different occasions and we're glad you're here with us. I also would like to toast to your father Armin" Henry said

Jamie saw her stiffen and he started rubbing her back with his right hand.

"I enjoyed those few nights that I stayed with him. He would've been a great poker partner. Just remember he's always with you Eddie, he's never truly gone. To Armin and Eddie" Henry said raising his wine glass

Everyone clinked glasses and resumed normal dinner table conversation and when she saw Jack and Sean telling Henry about their latest soccer game and telling him to come to the next one is when she excused herself"

She quickly got up and left her napkin on the table.

"I got her" Jamie said getting up

He heard the front door close and quickly headed for the door himself. When he went out he saw her sitting on the brick wall.

"This is where I used to come and sit to think" Jamie said sitting down next to her. He could tell she had been crying and he didn't want to overwhelm her so he just put his hand on her leg.

They sat quietly before Eddie started to talk.

"I'm sorry..." She said in a shaky voice

"You have nothing to be sorry for" Jamie said

"I just got up and walked out … and"

"No, it's ok" Jamie said moving closer to her

She just nodded and tried to brush the tears away from her face

"What upset you?" Jamie asked gently

"Jack and Sean telling Henry about their soccer game and telling him he should come to another one. I realized our kids won't have my dad as a grandfather let another be someone's great grandfather and it just reminded me that he's gone. I don't have a dad that will welcome you to dinner or anything …" Eddie said crying again

"Hey look at me" Jamie said crouching down in front of her "It's ok to feel that way and to be sad when those realizations hit" He said brushing her hair out of her face

"I'm sorry" Eddie said

"Stop apologizing, babe"

"It's ok to miss your dad. Stuff will happen or you'll think of something and you'll wanna go tell him or it'll make you think of him and those realizations are hard in the beginning. It's like someone sucking the air out of you"

"That's … accurate" Eddie said

"I hate that I'm jealous that you have most of your family" Eddie said

"It's ok, babe" Jamie said hugging her

"Agh, ok I'm better" Eddie said pulling back, which just earned her a look from Jamie

"Better-ish"

"Ok" Jamie said laughing

"So do you want to go or stay?"

"Stay, I'm having fun. Just still sad" Eddie said sadly

"Ok" Jamie said pulling her up off the brick wall

"I love you" Jamie said

"I love you too" Eddie said hugging him

"And Ed, as long as you're with me they are your family too" Jamie said squeezing her hand

"Thank you" She said nodding, voice think

"So our kids?" Jamie asked her raising an eyebrow as they walked back into the house

"I was hoping you wouldn't hear that"

"I think the sound of it though" Jamie confessed

"Me too" Eddie said leaning into him as they walked into the dining room.

"I'm sorry, I was just a little overwhelmed"

"Watching Danny eat can be repulsively overwhelming" Jamie said as they sat back down

Danny just glared at him and took a mouthful of food

"Well Eddie, what ever brought you two together and at this table, I am glad you are here with us. Welcome to the family" Frank said smiling at her, knowing Danny was going to torment them about how they ended up together.

Jamie kissed her cheek and she took his hand under the table with hers and put a nice piece of roast into her mouth.

"The best I've ever had Henry" Eddie said smiling and cutting her piece

* * *

Thank you all so much for all the love and support for this story! I can't believe it's come to an end. I'm still updating my other stories and working on a new one! Thank you all so much! I hoped it ended the way you all wanted it to! xoxo


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